Hello Loki.
Welcome to MAO. I am sorry to hear about your horrific experiences, and I hope you get plenty of replies to your post.
It is one of the most difficult things we go through in life when, what we were once used to as ‘normality’, is suddenly lost and replaced with something alien and unexpected. Near death experiences don’t help either in this transition form ‘normal’ to different, and can rightly be described as ‘traumatic’.
It will be rare that any two people will experience exactly the same thing in this process or react in the same ways. However there are enough similarities to be worthwhile sharing and learning from each other.
My own perspectives involved both the physical changes and the psychological and emotional adjustments that were needed in those early days and to help me cope with these I would document my feelings (and ongoing experiences) in rhyme (which can be found on my profile).
What I can tell you about my own experiences is that it can be very hard to adjust to a complete change of lifestyle and a lowing of self-confidence in that early period. However, the good news is that once the initial shock of it all recedes, and you start to adjust to the ‘new- normal’, then things may start to take on a new perspective and we make the most of what we have. Knowing that the alternative was probably death and the prospect of having nothing to look forward to at all.
The general consensus is that life does get easier, especially when you are able to get ‘back on the bike’ ( or do whatever else you like doing) without worrying unnecessarily that you are missing out on these things. The worry often doesn’t help with sleeping, so this too is likely to get back to ‘normal’ once the worrying is reduced and you are doing more of the pleasant ‘stuff’.
The processes of healing both physically and mentally takes time, patience and application. Each facet of your trauma needs to be addressed in different ways to get the best healing possible in the shortest amount of time.
As hinted above, I found the psychological and emotional aspects the most disturbing, so needed something like writing about it to be both a distraction and a healing aid.
You have probably done the right thing by coming to a site like this to share your feelings and hopefully others will chip-in to share their own experiences.
If not, there are lots of past posts on all sorts of related issues, to be found in the ‘collections’ section at the top of the page. I often browse through them for education and support when there is not so much being discussed in the ongoing forums.
I hope things begin to turn around for you sooner rather than later and you can get back to some sort of ‘normality’, whatever that is!
Best wishes
Bill
PS:
One of the things I often do,
is try to share a rhyme or two,
so here is one which at the start
came from the bottom of my heart.
FIRST OSTOMY.
I must admit I had a scare
the first time that I saw it there.
I can’t remember what I said
about this thing so crimson red.
Some thoughts were flashing through my mind
about how fate had been unkind.
Most of all I thought “Why me!”
that had to have this ostomy.
What in the world had I done wrong
that to this thing, I’d now belong?
This thing that stuck out from my tum
replacing my malfunctioning bum.
Right now I only speak for me
when talking of my ostomy.
They told me I would benefit
but I began to doubt that bit.
To tell the truth, I won’t pretend
I thought that this would be the end.
I thought the active life I’d led
was now gone, forever dead.
There was no way that I could swim
with what looked like an extra limb.
There’s nothing anyone could say
to keep these type of thoughts at bay.
The negatives exaggerated
as my mood degenerated.
It seemed that I had lost control
of my body and my soul.
But now I’ve had this ‘thing’ a while
I can look back and I can smile.
For now I’m doing so much more
and I’m more active than before.
B. Withers 2012