Hello folks. These last couple of days have been full of activity. Home health care nurses have been by to assess. Got out of the house to get my T3.... What an adventure, and what a garbage system. Insurance really is not an assurance of anything, huh? Paying better attention to my ring seal, emptying times, and such things. No blowouts. Hallelujah!
Feeling more confident and less worthless about everything. Curious how performance determines self-worth. I'm looking at the relationship there. Picked up a new mattress cover. 90 freaking dollars!? Wth? But it does the job. Relationships.... So freaking complicated. Staying in the ex-fiancé's place, she's still got a dude (for another 3 weeks besides bed gets transferred), but she's talking reconciliation with me..... I'm batshit confused, thought we were working towards something and then found out I'm the side guy until the other dude leaves, then my turn .... I'm like??? But she "loves me" and I just happened to reenter her life while she was living life. Idk. I think I'm just gonna stay friends and move on. This shit confused me and hurts my heart. I gotta figure me out before I do anything else. I wasn't really planning to live beyond the first surgery, but I found hope because she was there. I'm glad she was, I lived.
Thanks for the update. It sounds as if you are already getting to grips with the stoma stuff. As for the relationship issues, I have no advice whatsoever on that front but I do hope it works out for you in the long-term.
Best wishes
Bill
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This blog stuff is new to me, so bear with me if you could. I thought I'd saved the earlier part of this one. Anyways. I don't know. I'm busy, I understand completely, and friends is a little easier to work with right now. I'm celibate till I get this ostomy bag off, I think. A good excuse anyways. Keeps things at friendship level without crossing lines into the physical where it could get really confusing.
So I'm kinda glad I'm the side dude. Simplifies things.
Another nurse came by today. I was up and using the walker, offered her water, got some myself, and just kinda talked. She had some good suggestions, encouraged dinner if my food choices, cautioned me about raw fish (sushi) - gawd, I love sushi! And was generally bro kind and insightful. I'll see her twice a visit. She was a gentle Lucy of the spirits. Didn't hurt that she was attractive also. Lol! Not being pervy. She was an attractive Latina woman with a little wiggle and a big smile. Looked right into my eyes when we spoke. A breath of fresh air twice a week! I'm down. Lol.
I've begun my own relaxation therapies now. I've begun adding time on the back porch to my daily activities. Helps relax and calm me, and I think the minimizing of my anxiety has actually slowed down my bowel. Adding green medicine to my day seems to have decreased my anxiety, increased my self-esteem, I don't get the negative self-talk so don't increase the anxiety, decreased pain, and have higher tolerance and capacity to hold my temper longer. Treating people in general better. Including myself. Plant medicine. It's definitely a gift.
Thank you so much for your comments and understanding. Big ups to everyone here contributing towards my better life. Simply blessed.
