Struggling with Dating After Surgery - Feeling Hopeless and Alone

You are in our thoughts and prayers, Carol.

I heard on the news today that there has been a breakthrough in the cause and possible treatment of MS. They have figured out that there is a shortage of a natural steroid in the brain and are going to put patients on steroids to see if they can treat it. They are optimistic about curing and possibly even preventing MS.
http://www.cbc.ca/news/health/story/2011/09/21/multiple-sclerosis-brain-neurosteroids.html

Well put, my friend.....BEG

Lalu, beautiful letter. I hear you.

Thank you (and everyone). The world is a bit better this morning (not out of bed yet). Lots of overnight crisis but "I" am better - at least for this moment.

I sent the following note to a dear caring friend.

"Miracle morning. Pain is low. Symptoms are mild. Temp is cool 56 degrees ... 14 C, gentle rain and an easy, soft breeze. My little personal world is in order. I deserve it. Take care."

Must go. I am so glad you all are there.

Thank you, Carol.

So glad to hear how much better you sound.

This is one morning I don't mind starting out with watery eyes.

Okay Moe (I'm Curly, by the way), what are you talking about? No damp eyes go unnoticed................

BEG

Oh Dawneagle, it's good to hear you sounding better and long may it continue! You certainly deserve a few good breaks!
Will be offline, I think, for some time myself to get myself in order! So here's hoping there are better days ahead for us both! Take good care, Colm

Death, I have not previously addressed notes to death. I have cried out for it, asked the doctor to allow it, and raged against it. But, I have not written it notes.

I hope our continuous posts on your topic of ranting have helped you in some way. We all need to rant and/or cry at times. Then we get better. Then we laugh together. I love the jokes - even the groaners.

By the way, I consider death a dear friend and have no fear. I have always thought we should celebrate another person's successful completion of this process of life we are all going through. We learn, we experience, we cope, we laugh, we cry. Then at some point we are done. I have died twice and for me that is going home. There is no need to hurry because there is no time and no space and I will have had the experiences I came here to have. Then the perfection. I will understand it better when I get there again.

So, Death, I hope we support your educational experiences - joys and pains. It is called Life. Most of us choose to live it - as it comes to us. Not that we have a lot of choice.

Carol - 'dawneagle' I am the eagle of the dawn after some pretty dark and scary nights.

It was a long time before I dated. I had my ileostomy 28 years ago - half my life ago. My husband had no problem with it, but left 10 years ago - more about someone else, rather than us.

I had relationships with 2 people before my current partner. I was scared about telling them all. The first one saw no problem. The second said he was interested in how it all worked. I started to realize the relationship was about me, not my appliance. My current partner of 2 and a half years is a very loving, caring man. Of course, you have to tell them before starting a sexual relationship. Hopefully, by then they can see past it. It is a very difficult conversation to initiate. I started by saying I had a body image problem... well, it's not actually me that has the problem but others...

I had ruled out ever having another relationship as you have. You just never know what's around the corner.

Best wishes, Possum

Hi friends,

I too read "Death's Rant", but I wrote a personal note instead of posting... Now I think I'm sorry I did that.

I was a child when I got sick, and a young teen when I had my surgery. And now at 63, those 3 years of being sick are only seconds in time. And yet, some of the experiences during that short time, and in the years that followed, can still bring me to a rant. But that's when I only focus on the bad. Life wasn't easy....and adjusting to an ostomy was a challenge. But at 15, I was thrilled to get on with real life, and I never gave the actual ostomy a second thought. It was just a part of me. I dated, I camped, I stayed out late and partied, I got engaged, married, and then had my two miracle children. But illness plagued us, and I started to develop/collect medical issues. My marriage wasn't made in heaven, and that began to deteriorate too. But I went on to college while married and graduated with a BA and then Special Ed certification. Sadly, both my sons developed inflammatory bowel disease, and that was a heartbreak for me. They faced their challenges, took their meds, rode that roller coaster of illness and well-being, but graduated, married, and both now have children. I sometimes think that "it's not fair", and life shouldn't be so hard, but all that grief just makes the good times better. Today, I "seize the day". If I'm well, I'm out and about....and if not.....I hope for a better tomorrow. I don't want to lose a "good" today....grieving about a sad past or an uncertain future.... But in my heart of hearts...Rants feel so good....Cathartic...and not as fattening as chocolate cake.

Dear Immarsh,

"I don't want to lose a "good" today....grieving about a sad past or an uncertain future...."

Doesn't get better than that my friend !!!

BEG

I know how you are feeling, friend. I have had those thoughts as well. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope things get better for you.

I know that this is a real old posting but I just wanted to add this. Love and a relationship is very possible for all of us. We just have to wait for that special 1 to come along. As I have, yes I have met someone that understands and accepts me with my urostomy and severe ED. If we adjust our thoughts and attitude, we can live a fun and fulfilling life.

Anyone on this site live near Yerington, Nevada? I have been reading this site for the last week, and can say I feel so at ease now. Knowing other people are having a difficult time like me gives me so much hope for the future.

Would love to hear from any of you!

Micki