Foul Language in the Workplace

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patri
TO ALL EMPLOYEES - FOUL LANGUAGE AT WORK

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation
with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this
type of language will be no longer tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express
your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" phrases has been provided so that proper
exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without
risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Blow me.

TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF Another fucking meeting!

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. who does this remind you of
INSTEAD OF: He's a prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
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three
This list could also be used to "reverse engineer" politically correct mumbo jumbo, and grok what's really being said.
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gutenberg
Well now, this explains a lot of looks I was getting, just missed one day of work and missed out on a whole new vocabulary, please accept my apology for all my past posts, Ed,SMF
christiesdad
I remember my Grandmother, who, by the way had the fastest two fingers in the south, and would not hesitate to use them to give us kids a backlash across the mouth when we used a word that she deemed inapproiate.
She used to say that even though we would use a word that was acceptable...............if we really meant "the other word" it was just as bad. She would say "God knows what word you really meant to say and it is just as sinful" I am sure that most of us had a Grandmother just like that, so you all know what I am talking about.. There aren't many around anymore like our Grandmothers, are there? Too bad.............
Jack
Primeboy

Our parents had remarkable ways to quot;make us understand. quot; This little ditty goes back more than several generations, but it nicely celebrates a form of parental guidance now excluded by child protective services. I am sure that there is virtue somewhere in moderation; but, sadly, too many parents no longer step up to the plate in matters of value. No doubt the singer here has something more in mind than a blackthorn walking stick. Begorrah!

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=28347311 ampac=now

PB
 
Staying Hydrated with an Ostomy with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
bob.hewson
My mother could foretell the future........

She would say, "You are really going to get it when your father gets home".

What my mother taught me!

My mother taught me LOGIC:
"If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."

My mother taught me MEDICINE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"

My mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE:
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"

My mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

My mother taught me ABOUT MARRIAGE:
"How do you think you got here?"

My mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You are just like your father!"

My mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about the WISDOM of AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home."

And my all time favorite thing, JUSTICE:
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU... then you'll see what it's like."
three

This one really makes me laugh — as the oldest of five childen, one of my chores was cutting the grass with a push mower, and we had a slippery 45 degree slope in part of our backyard!!!
patri
mom's teach us good! thank you for the added funnies!

i apologize if this was a bit shocking. it really is a bit much. i find it laugh out loud hilarious though, i really want to get really bad service somewhere and tell the person straight faced that i think they need more training.
gutenberg
Sometimes we need to get jarred out of our somnombulance, (hic), ok where the hell is that spellcheck, Ed
bag_n_drag

Yep, Jack, my grandmother was just like that! nbsp; nbsp;And my mom, too! nbsp; nbsp;And, my mom always says nbsp; nbsp; quotomission of the truth is a lie! quot; nbsp; nbspThat one has stuck with me for years, too!

nbsp; nbsp; Darla
patri
I have had this thing laying around from another nonrelated topic site for over a year and I still crack up almost every other example as I read (yet again) through.

(I'm certain that isn't feasible....why are these phrases so funny to me! Must have my prescription just right, he he he. Snort, I'm kidding!)
patri
MEMO TO ED:

On your last missed day it seems you also missed our foul language updates.
It appears that you need some more training.

INSTEAD OF SAYING "Where the hell is spellcheck?" TRY SAYING: "I wonder where spellcheck is."

SIGNED: AGGRESSIVE GO GETTER
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