I say life is the thing that shapes our personality and ability to cope. I grew up in a violent, physically and mentally abusive home. I was beaten mercilessly for the first part of my life, usually with a belt, buckle end, to inflict as much pain and damage as possible. My mother never stopped it and neither did my brothers. I understand while he went for me he left them alone, so I get it. However, end of that story, I stabbed him with a kitchen knife - yes, I did it. It was him or me, and it wasn't going to be me! The sis and I survived, but I cut all ties with my family. I made up my mind never to be told what to do and emigrate ASAP, to the first country that accepted me. Thank you, Australia.
I got married to a wonderful man who loves me despite our problems, and whom I met at school and married in '79. We have our moments, but we get over them.
I am angry I got cancer. I am angry I have had four major surgeries since August, and I have had to give up nursing and lost my driver's license. But nursing taught me the best and the worst of people, and pediatric nursing taught me courage and the meaning of true, unconditional, honest love and trust. I had a young person around 7 years old say to me, "Nurse Lolo, I am choosing to be happy." She died a few days later. My goodness, what a star! "I'm choosing to be happy," so that became my mantra. Yes, I have what I call 5-minute pity parties or temper tantrums, then I choose to be happy, and what a difference it makes. Now, that said, an example of me choosing not to be happy!
I went out for the first time since April 23 last Thursday to have lunch and see a movie. I didn't want to use my wheelchair, so I took my wheelie walker. We had a really lovely lunch, went to the cinema, and while Paul bought our senior citizen (sigh) tickets, I went to change my pouch so I knew I would get through the movie. We went in, he put my walker in front of the wall where we sat in the first row, and we enjoyed a lovely afternoon out. While the movie was on, an oldish couple sat at the end of our row, which was not a problem until the end. A few minutes before it ended, I asked Paul how much longer as my puff adder was blooming. He said a few minutes, so I waited. At the end, I couldn't wait for the lights to come on. I said, "I have to get to the loo quickly." He jumped up, helped me up and balance using the wall, and I took the route closest to the door, which was past the couple, while he went the long way to get my walker and help me. I got to the end of the row, and the man put his feet up, blocking me, and started abusing me. Well, it didn't take much for my old self to reemerge because I had explained I needed the loo. He swore at me and wouldn't budge, so I held up my catheter bag and said, "This isn't a handbag. I also have another bag attached. I know which one is about to explode, but do you really want to find out the hard way? So you have a choice (please excuse my crudity). You can get covered in piss or shit, whichever bursts first. Your choice." He did let me through, but by this time, I was trying to get to the dunny as quick as I could, and I left Paul and some spectators sorting it all out. I just literally got to the loo in time, and when I came out, he was being taken away in handcuffs. DUI, causing an affray, preventing a disabled person's freedom of movement and passage (I think that's deprivation of liberty), etc. So I actually couldn't help but have the last laugh! So people, sorry for such a long diatribe, but yes, I even choose to enjoy that moment because I still have a chuckle at his face as he was led away!