Butterfly, God Bless You so Much, I am so deeply sorry for what was done to you. I sware I do understand as dumb me had five days of medicine for my bladder infection, I tried to get to a clinic as I dont have a Primary Doctor and my clinic I go to was closed and my husband took me to a Seven Day Adventist Hospital and they asked all kinds of questions, I didnt want to say anything but it hurt to tinkle, but my husband told the Doctor that we buried our daughter last year and I was seeing a Psychiatrist and taking xanax. Big mistake as this Doctor wouldnt call my Psychiatrist and he told us that if he didnt do surgery now that I would be dead and I fainted and my husband signed papers for surgery he didnt even read. I had a beautiful tummy as I did and do have a problem with plastic surgery and I put a lot of money into making it perfect. I woke up I dont know when as I have no Idea what drugs they had me on, but no one but two orderlies even knew I was in the hospital. When I could rip all the tubes out of me and crawl out of that room they had me in I did and I was nacked with a slice in my stomach and a bag and I was freaking out. I went to the Nurses station and I was at a door that set off alarms when you opened it and I kept doing it until they called the Police. They did and I made them show me my records so they could see no one but those orderlies and that freaking Psycho Doctor knew I was in there. They had no records and had to call down to the Emergency room to get anything. They said I had Diverticulits and I found out from my colonoscopy Doctor the other day that was a big lie. I would not mind this freaking bag if I was sick, but my colon is totally normal and I never had any trouble in my life with it. My husband feels really guilty because I did tell him when I buy a car or any thing you read everything but when it comes to one of my organs you dont read anything. So I am one mad wife right now and I am 52 and been married for almost 34 years and I got so sick after the Doctor did this to me that my Psychiatrist put me in a good hospital in Atlanta and Sepsis almost killed me. My kidneys were totally failing, I got Pnemonia, Diabetes, Anemia and any darn thing I could get with Sepsis and I had to have a plug in my neck for all the IV's and another bag to drain the pus from my stomach in me and I wanted to die. The only reason I didnt is I have a twelve year old adopted son and one son in DC who dont want me dead. I know my husband cant forgive himself and I was the most forgiving person I ever knew until now. After my reversal in October as the Colonoscopy Doctor said it is a go and I wouldnt have any problems. My husband has to pay for my plastic surgery to give me back the tummy I had, but then I am leaving and it isnt that I dont love him, but this time I cant forgive him. I was at one time a very good Catholic girl and held no hatred or anger no matter what anyone did to me. But all these months, sitting in my chair thinking how to kill myself and knowing I will go to hell and not caring is killing me every day. The one thing about me is my Faith is really untouchable and I once believed I could forgive anything and I found out that I cant. I would never not read something so important when someones life is involved and he knew I only needed medicine for a bladder infection. I have had my trials in my younger days with surgerys and being sick and I got through them, but this time I wasnt sick and I didnt deserve this either and I can feel how sad and hurt you are by what was done to you Butterfly, look at my pictures as I have my baby girl who died a little over a year ago on my pictures and one is her with Alice Cooper as she did things like you, she just did hair and makeup for Rock Bands. Plus I put a picture of her awesome tattoo of Alice on her arm on my picture page. She was so proud of that tattoo. I cant take your pain Butterlfly but my heart is breaking for you and I am crying so hard while trying to understand why some Doctors cant value our lives anymore than a nat on a wall. Peace and God be with You Always Butterfly and I am here if you ever need to talk. I didnt feel good yesterday so I didnt get on last night on the chat rooms and I am so sorry. But one thing I know is your children need you and we on this board need you, it doesent matter how we became an Ostomate anymore it matters that we are one and we all have a connection. Some people are handling it better than others but like you I am not. Please look at a flower or the Ocean and the power in the Sea is so strong and I always told my children every time you look at the Ocean it is as close to ever seeing the Eyes of God, nothing else has that power. I love you Butterfly in Christ Name, Jenny