Have you ever used your colostomy as a weapon?

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REDHOTMAMA

A former neighbor called the fire department on me because she smelled incense coming from my apartment.

When the fire department guys found out they had been called for something sooo stupid, they gave her a ticket and knocked on my door to let me know and asked me if I wanted to press charges for harassment. I said no and they left.

After they left, I went to this woman's door, let the air out of my colostomy bag, knocked on her door, and when she answered, I told her "Now you have a smell to *itch about".

I know I shouldn't have done it, but it worked. She never bothered me again.

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tarababy

Oh for goodness sakes Walter, I have done exactly the same thing. And yeah, it's fun to play games. I remember about a year and a bit after I got this.... I had to babysit a whole family of kids. (Mom, Dad on a long-weekend tryst) The kids knew I'd been sick but only the youngest (4) had accidentally walked into the loo and seen the bag.... One night at the dinner table, the eldest (13) was seated beside me. As we start to eat, I start (Stanley-the-stoma) to burp and fart and the bag going berserk... I could see the girl, as she was putting a mouthful of food to her mouth, stop halfway and take a sneak peek towards my middle half, with a curious look on her face. This happened about 6 times... I couldn't take it anymore... And had to explain... She told me she was wondering how I was able to make a rude noise from my tummy... lmao.... That was so funny, we laugh about it to this day. Ok later folks..... Tara

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tarababy

Thanks, Walter... good to be back... cheers

vulcanBMk2

Do you mean like smack someone in the face with a full bag????

tarababy

Hey, I only know one person short enough to do that too... and guess what? I'd love to... But it's hard to get down that low... lmao

 
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mooza

A bag used as a weapon? I think a lot of people have thought of that, but you would have to make sure you had a spare one. LOL. I have been asked a lot if I could get through customs to smuggle in, you know what. Snort snort. And I have thought about it, but only thought. Cheers from sunny Melbourne.

tarababy

Hey Mooza, I did put a bit of green under it and flew back from Adelaide....Just to see how well they scan you....Guess once they know it's a bag in there....you can wander right through...Shhhhh!!! I never said that..

mooza

Wow, you could be the next Schapelle. I know that's a bit mean, but I really do get asked that question. I actually did in 1996 when I flew up to Cairns, lol. But my friend wouldn't take the case off the carousel thing. I mean, I had her bag, she should have taken mine, lololol. But with Pouch, I don't know, but I want the harder stuff. Has anyone done that? Oh no, cops on this site.

tarababy

LMAO!!! Nice one, Mary.... But I very much doubt it.. Wouldn't go to Bali if I was paid to. (And wasn't she set up?.. hehehe). I'm a greeny (not a tree-hugger) from way back. I think if you do other, you're a bloody idiot. Each to their own is my motto... as long as you don't push your own beliefs (habits) onto others, it's a personal choice. But back to the bag being used as a weapon... I met a woman, only in her early 30s, with an ile and her job was owning a carpet cleaning van... Well, apparently if she didn't like her customer for whatever reason, she would go to a room that needed doing after she was done, knowing the person was coming in after to check... she would de-gas the bag before she left the room... Well, I'm always up for some fun, but honestly, I was in shock. I couldn't believe this sweet young woman would do such a thing. Ok to a friend maybe, but not like that. So I might say stuff, but it's whether I actually go through with it... just... that so much of what you could do sounds sooooo funny, but I'm not so sure it would be all that nice, know what I mean?... lol Ok, I'm done like a dinner, cheers Mary... cya folks

Yancey

I've always thought if anyone tried to attack me, I would just open the bag and squeeze!! I have my very own built-in mace!!

tarababy

Hey look out, we might have a new angel on the block.... What do you think, Mr. Mild and Vulcan, other angels? Love your style, Yance.. Let us know if you get the chance. Hey, I rhymed... cool... chow for now.

Past Member
Boston
SensitiveRockml1

This topic is too cool. About a year after being downsized and made ready for the next century, I was working as a waiter in a fairly nice restaurant. There is an upstairs for employees with a lounge, etc., with the restaurant below. After my shift, which was rather tough as one of the mini managers was riding everyone for making sure tables and stations were clean, I went upstairs to burp and change. Shortly after coming back downstairs, that same @#$@% mini manager went up to use the restroom. Several employees hanging out at the bottom of the steps heard him choking then vomiting. I enjoyed the thought that it was a display of the power that bag holds over its prey... the sensitive nose.

tarababy

Damn, that's funny. Well done, hey.... Can always appreciate that 'Silent but deadly' attitude... even better when it goes with paybacks. 10 points to ya!

ferrona

I'm finding this topic great! Tara, that 'gas leak' should be considered talent! I've let out a few of my own and almost killed the cats, let alone have my mom screaming to high heaven wondering if I consumed hot sauce (which usually has a bad odor) in the middle of the night.

I've also been known to threaten to throw a shitbag at people, but I don't think strangers know to what extent. I've considered this highly during traffic when assholes decide they want to stop randomly in front of me or side swipe me on the interstate. I guess if I had good enough aim, I threatened once at a hockey game and some people were rolling out of chairs.

Finally, I've been known to 'cock-slap' someone with my bag. Since then, it's been seriously funny and people won't put it past me for doing it again. It's not like it was full and the silly thing did the motion of "boom," but it's still really awkward if a lady threatens you if you don't leave her alone that "I'll cockslap you with my shitbag".

Past Member

I was once with my girlfriend shopping, she was looking for the right bra. I was bringing them into her in the dressing room. One of the clerks, a woman in her late 60's saw me in the women's changing room and told me I would have to leave. I needed to let out some gas and of course the store didn't have a bathroom. I went back to the changing room and let it out. As I was leaving the dressing room, the same clerk came by telling me the rules again and was really angry, shouting and getting red in the face. I was on my way out as she went in to the room and as I turned to see her expression, she was practically gagging. I just smiled to myself as I left the store thinking she deserved that!

cokacoil

Oh my God, this was funny... I'm sad now as the only good thing about being a woman with a urostomy is I can pee standing up - very handy if you have been out...

Past Member
LOL!! If ever being robbed, just remove my bag and give them a little toss.
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