Timing and Confidence in Relationships

I've been advised I don't wait long enough. I've also been told I was a "time waster" for waiting too long to mention it. Also, how do people approach showers for the first time with a lover...or feeling confident enough to feel accepted walking around in our birthday suit in front of them knowing they will still see us as 'sexy' with nothing on?

As for the shower part, I think you might like the stretch natural color band - it covers well, looks good, and makes the intimate part of looking "normal" so much easier. If you are handy with a serger, you can have a lot of fun with different designs. You have to cover the vent with a sticker anyway - and when you dry off, you can change the cover to a different one - I bought one and custom make my own in colors to go with clothing.

Hi,

I'm married now, but dated for a while with the big O. I tried to tell people as soon as possible. I didn't want to feel dishonest or like I was tricking people (get them to like me then tell them something hard). Plus, like it or not we have a natural asshole detector: if anyone bolts or acts like a dick after we tell them, the less time we've wasted on a dead end.

Good luck,

J

Hi Spiritual Living,

I have heard that waiting until the hands are starting to go below the neck/chest area is a good time to gently communicate the issue.

I myself brought it up the first day I met my guy in person. We had met at the botanical gardens....a neutral place and I brought coffee and home-baked scones. We ended up talking, etc., for 8 hours! By the last couple of hours, I gently explained that I had been very sick and that I had ended up the way I did. I put his hand over the pouch area and explained what it was and that it had saved my life. I also told him that it would be okay if he couldn't accept it. But he did:)

If a person needs space to fully comprehend and process the info, then okay. But if they really have compassion and an open heart, they will accept you. If not, no problem. Best to know now. Life gets rocky, and if they are bailers, be grateful to know now.

It is important to be confident in your own worth. If you value yourself in an authentic manner, then chances are you will attract someone who will too.

All the best.

Hey

It is such a hard topic to bring up, but for me, I waited until my 3rd date to tell this new guy. He said to me if it affected anything to do sexually and I said no. He then said that he liked the rest of the package. They just need some time to get to know you a little before you bring it up. Just saying.....

I guess it really depends on where the relationship is going. If it's a guy you meet every couple of weeks for a date then there's no rush. But if you start to get feelings quickly (or he does), any important life concerns/issues should be discussed, such as crazy ex-spouses, any disease (sexual or not), family issues such as dying parents.

This is when you want to be open and honest and want to see what kind of person you really are talking to.

I love this advice. Address the issue when you would normally be addressing the topic of sex when you did not have a bag. :-) And all the other good thoughts . . . like.

Hi Vikinga.

Just to say, what a lovely reply to (I imagine) a difficult problem. Your email was lovely, and I know it will be useful for me, even though I am married. Loved the coffee and baked scones bit! All the best. Ngaire.

I told my husband about both my bags on our 1st official date (we met on Monday at 12 midday, I told him/showed him on Wednesday at 8 pm... We've been married 4 years tomorrow! He still sees me as sexy. Good luck*