Seeking Advice: Coping with Sexual Frustration After Cancer Treatment

Can I raise a delicate issue with members.

Do members experience sexual frustration, with no ability to achieve satisfaction, resulting from treatment and surgery.

In my case, six years ago, I was diagnosed with early stage prostate cancer. I received radiotherapy which largely rendered me impotent. Just over a year later, I was diagnosed with rectal cancer which the hospital had missed. A colostomy and associated treatment destroyed any remaining penis functionality (if you get my meaning) and a complete inability to ejaculate.

So while the mechanics stopped working, unfortunately, the mind doesn't and if possible, I get more deep and erotic thoughts than ever before resulting in a very high level of sexual frustration. This manifests itself largely through deeply sexual and erotic poo dreams, unconscious mock masturbation, and sleep talking. (My wife deals with the situation by delivering a heavy kick and "stop that!").

A cruel twist is that as part of the prostate treatment, I was on six months of hormone therapy which has resulted in very hard and sensitive nipples and even more sensitive genitals.

I wonder if any other members have experienced similar problems and how they deal with sexual frustration.

Have you heard of masturbation?

Hello.

Oh yes, I know all about masturbation. Sadly, the result on ejaculation is like red hot razor wire being pulled through what once was my bum, belly, and all the rest. The pain is terrible and lasts for some minutes afterwards. So, the very common and time-honored method that men and women have applied since time began isn't an option. How I wish that it was.

John

Yes. The doctors mess around with a lot of nerves and stuff down there. For me, the doctor said it would be at least a year and a half before I would be healed. From what you are saying, I think you need to talk to your doctor.

Hello xnine

Thanks for the interest. Sadly, the docs can't do anything, all the mechanics are knackered. So with nothing mechanical working and no cream fountain, the frustration you mounts.

John

Hi, my name is Marsha, and I have an ileostomy (not a colostomy) for more than 50 years, and managing it has been a normal part of my life. Since I'm female, I don't have the same sexual issues you do, although my final surgery (removal of the rectum) damaged my urinary nerves so I have no sensation (of having to pee). I go by the clock. If I had sexual damage, I have no comparison because my surgery was done when I was 15-19 before I became sexually active.

But I've met many men through the years who experienced sexual dysfunction due to the surgery. I'm sorry to hear that you've had somewhat of a double whammy! It can't be easy for you or for your wife.

In the 20 years I've been divorced, I've dated quite a few men who have been through prostate cancer treatment, and one in particular had the same issues that you do. Although he was aroused sexually, he was unable to achieve an erection. His doctors said that it would take time to "heal," and although he eventually was able to ejaculate, the pain was overwhelming, and he said it wasn't worth it. He wasn't married and eventually didn't want to continue in our dating intimate relationship.

The man I'm currently seeing also had treatment for prostate cancer, and his doctor said it would take time to see how much function returns. He's able to achieve an erection but cannot sustain it for intercourse. He can ejaculate and experience pleasure, so we've managed to be creative.

You have to decide for yourself how much "pain" you can endure. But my friend and I have both come to the conclusion that the intimacy part of our relationship is more important than the end results. Other men I've met, and who are willing to talk about it, avoid involvement because they find the limitations more depressing. If your wife is supportive, you can still find ways to have a satisfying intimate relationship.

If you have any other questions, from a women's point of view, feel free to write, post, and ask questions.

My dear Marsha.

How lovely of you to respond to my blog.

Sexual frustration has been a real problem for me since prostate and rectal cancer struck. Reading your note, you clearly have an understanding and empathy which I suspect comes from experiences not mentioned in your reply.

Planned peeing tickled me (sorry) and I got an image of formation peeing. Sadly, Ann, my wife, is no help at all. Just after the birth of our second son, she told me that she didn't want anything to do with sex or intimacy anymore. Sex was for getting children and she found it embarrassing and dirty. She would forget all about it and so should I.

That was thirty years ago and she hasn't wavered once in all that time. We sleep in the same bed, but any contact is forbidden.

I did hope for some reactivity with my genitals but nothing has returned. Couple that with my body changes as a result of hormone therapy and I'm back to chewing the pillow. But in the tribe of colostomites, I consider myself lucky in that my daily enema gives me almost complete control over my poo. Like you, my bottom was sewn up which was the most terrible pain for several months and I still look darkly at wooden chairs. But actually, I rather like not having a bottom as now when I choose, I can dispense with underpants if I like.

I'd love to hear from you. John proceeds score by without a space. Mail is preceded by the seventh letter of the alphabet with a dot com at the end. I'm sure that meetanostomate is a secure site, but it is still public for the issues we are discussing.

Do please get back if you like, and thanks for replying at such an ungodly time in the morning.

John

Hi Marsha

Typo. John precedes Scorsy. Not as sent.

John

Hey Scorsby! I'm in a similar situation, but I must ask you, do you still have a bladder and seminal vesicles? This could be the problem with the "razor wire" feeling. Sometimes it's better (for lack of a more accurate term) to take it all out. There are options for the "sex" part. There are vacuum pumps with "cock rings" and even pump-up implants that can improve your issue! Make it work, and satisfy, as it were. That razor pain might be due to some sort of blockage.

Hi ThingThing12,

Thanks for your interest. It's nice to know that there's not just me that is sexually frustrated as a result of radiotherapy and surgery. Not being able to get relief is a real problem. A bit like toothache, it won't go away.

My problem stems from prostate cancer just before the rectal cancer (not related by the way). Ejaculation razer blades confess a result to internal scarring within my prostate. So nothing can be done.

But it's great to know that I'm not alone.

Thanks,

John

Scorsby

I'm male. My handle is the name of my dog, Annie, who died in 2006.

You're not alone. I had colon cancer and an ileostomy in 2005 resulting in total neurological impotence. Everything is dead down there but my libido is high even at 58 years of age. Not a thing I can do about it. I only became sexually active in my mid-thirties and ten years later poof, it was over. I just live life, walk, write books, and sigh loudly.

Hi.

Tried the sighing loudly - didn't work. The brain simply won't log off after a lifetime of self-pleasure.

There must be some way to let off steam.

John

I have a urostomy for 5 years and you don't know frustration until you haven't had sex or been touched in 13 years. My husband stopped it all when I was 35. I had an indwelling catheter for 7 years before I had the urostomy.

Had rectal cancer resulting in ED! Went to urologist! Prescribed Trimix compound! Better now than at 20! Bought auto injector off Amazon! No pain whatsoever! Unreal!

Had rectal cancer resulting in ED! Went to urologist! Prescribed Trimix compound! Better now than at 20! Bought auto injector off Amazon! No pain whatsoever! Unreal!

Hello Scorsby, I had colorectal cancer surgery and the doctor warned me that it would impair sex. At the time, that didn't matter, but now I'm feeling it. They said I have a narrow pelvis and cut through a lot of nerves. So now I have no feeling to make it work. I have a permanent ostomy, and therefore they sewed me up. It's still not healing all the way. There was an infection. After another stay in the hospital pumped with antibiotics, they decided to cut it open and pack it 2-3 times a day. Since I have been tethered to a wound vacuum to try to close up my deep wound.

Anyway, I don't have the pain that you have, but it just won't work anymore. And I also had been denied intimacy after having children (about 27 years). So some of us have been through some frustrating times. Thanks for listening, and I am open to talk with anyone.

I'll be 60 in January and my libido has never been higher. Nothing I can do since my surgery in 2005 left me impotent. I write books and go for walks and wish things were different.

I have the same problem after rectal cancer surgery and a colostomy. You may find this is not for you. I have been having and enjoying oral sex with a few male friends of mine. nbsp