Seeking advice on pushing doctors for bag removal

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Irjosh

Hi everybody. Just wanted to say, I'm gonna go to my doctor and surgeon this coming week. I got to get off this bag. How aggressive should I be? Wanna lay into both of them but? Been almost 6 months. I'm better. Bag, not included. I need my body to be without a bag. Should I push my docs?

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Bill

Hello lrjosh. I can understand your frustration with the bag and I'll try to answer your question about aggression as best as I can.

I do not believe it is productive to be aggressive with anyone, especially professionals who have control over the resources you are looking to use.

Aggression is a form  of 'bullying'. It invites a negative response within those to whom it is directed. Very often in ordinary circumstances, with ordinary people, this response is 'aggression'. However, professionals have a responsibility to keep their emotions under control so the aggressor might not see the negativity manifested. It sometimes comes out as a response that is simply resistance to whatever the aggressor is suggesting, so that they don't achieve what they set out to achieve.

I would suggest that a more effective approach would be to 'assertive' without the aggression. Explain in a straightforward, logical way, the practical, physical and emotional effects the bag has on you and your daily life. Give your doctor the 'facts' of the situation as you percieve them and invite him/her to help you overcome your difficulties by ridding yourself of the obstacle to progress. Asking people to help you attracts a much more favourable and positve response than aggression so should, in most circumstances help you get your own way.

However, there are always other perspectives on these types of issues which is why we get cliches such as 'be careful what you wish for!' 

In my case, getting rid of the bag might cause more problems than keeping it, which has led me to opt for the latter course of action in spite of the doctors offering a reversal. It is a good idea to scrutinise all the possible scenarios before going for any one particular goal. I don't know what the potential is for things going wrong in your case so you must weigh the pros and cons for yourself. I just hope that your decisions are based on sound logic rather than emotion and that whatever you decide works out in the way that you hope for.

Best wishes

Bill

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Irjosh

Aggggggg. I do understand. Damm. I really do know what you're saying. I just want to go work on stuff again without having to worry about a bag. Or! I don't know. Just tired of this. I'm giving up. I feel like I am

colo23

Hi Irjosh, I have a reversible colostomy for 4 years. I haven't got it done due to not being able to take prep meds at the same time. Anyway, I also get very upset at times, but with time, I'm slowly learning to deal with it. At first, I didn't want to go out, but having a family, I had to work, so I started driving a taxi. Did that for 4 years and in that time, I got up my confidence and went back to my trade of a ceramic tile installer. It is challenging, but I make it work. The point is you can overcome almost anything. I hope this helped somehow. Good luck and God bless. Joeyb23

har126vey

Irjosh, boy do I understand. It's barely been 4 months since my surgery. I went through a lot...bladder cancer. I have an urostomy. I lost my left kidney, bladder, and prostate. I can't figure out the right bag for me; I keep getting suction in the bag that causes extra pain in the surgical areas. Oh, and I was on disability since 2002 for an injury to my back. I'm actually tired of it too but trying my best to go forward; found out a couple of days ago that I'm cancer-free! :) So, I am very grateful. Still, I wish I could have some words to help others but I still am needy myself. Prayers to you and all! Duncan

 
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Irjosh

You guys are great. I am really happy things are going well. I'm again, feeling sorry for myself. I hate it when I get like this. Just can't help it I suppose. Just hate my place in life at the moment.

Bill

Hello lrjosh. You are not alone in feeling sorry for yourself, it's a natural reaction to dealing with crap that you cannot really make go away.

If you read carefully  what Joey and Duncan are saying you will see that they are trying to find things that distract their minds from  dwelling on the crap most of the time.

The mind is a wonderful thing in that if you focus on one thing, that thing tends to seem bigger than it is in real life. So it is with 'problems', if tyou let your mind focus on them they seem to get bigger. This can be adapted to work positively for  people like darts players, who concentrate on their tiny target until it seems bigger than the rest of the dartboard.

Once you begin concentrating on something else, your focus shifts and your mind does the work for you by diminishing the area of focus you had previously. ( ie. your problems) Obviously, it is more effective if you can find something you are really interested in but it will still work as long as your mind is occupied elsewhere. 

Many people take up what I refer to as 'suicidal' sports. These are the ones that raise the adrenalin levels because of the risks involved. People that I have talked to who do this type of activity are sometimes using it to distract themselve from the crap in the 'normal' part of their lives -- and most importantly it seems to work.

Best wishes

Bill

Bill

Hello Duncan.

Just a short note to reassure you that the fact that you feel needy too means that your words are genuine and therefore very helpful to people who are suffering in the same ways. I hope you continue to share your feelings in this way.

Best wishes

Bill

Irjosh

Went to the doc today. 190 over 135. They made me stay while giving me clonidine twice. 180 over 130 is what I left with. I'm having trouble now. Kinda need some help. Don't wanna bother anyone.

colo23

Hi Irjosh, first you're never bothering anybody, always write your feelings and when someone comes on site, they will respond.

Did they tell you why it's high? Is this an ongoing problem? I also was wondering what your interests are...? Hope you're feeling okay tonight.

Just a shout out to Duncan for being cancer-free, I remember when I got that news. The best day of my life. Hope you're feeling okay. God bless you, Joey

Aka colo23

Past Member

Irjosh--please check your post from Aug 31 requesting info about BCIR.

Nancy

har126vey

Hi Irjosh, been thinking about you. Sorry to hear that blood pressure...we got to get it down! I'm still sore in all surgical spots and my biggest issue to get done is finding the right bag! I think I'm close :). I've been praying for you, me and us all! I haven't been on a lot. I found that you can't rush getting better. I've been trying to rest some during the day. If I go out in the car, just a short trip to the corner store, I hurt badly afterwards. I understand how depressing this all is...BELIEVE ME. I hope you have a good support system. Not sure I'd be able to handle it at all if not for my wife! Everyone here is a great support person! I want to say hi to everyone and hope to be in touch more soon! Irjosh, hang on and hang in there! Duncan

mooza

Hey hey, what are you getting reversal? ???????????????????//

mooza

Darling, your question is what? Tell your doctor, "OI OI, reverse my stoma!" :) Jokes aside, I haven't been very active on here for a few years. And have I demanded a reversal? You bet my arse I have, and I did. How did that go for me? SHITHOUSE. But Crohn's is Crohn's. I'm still up to my 9th or 10th operation, ffs. I wish I had a surgeon to kick these scars to the moon. More operations means more scarring. I hope all goes well. As I said, can't see what or why you ended up as one of us gang bummas. Cheers! If they don't really want to reverse you, it's not because they're mean. It may be because they may want to say no or that you're healthy. I'm Australian, and they took their time. I went in real sick, got well my first year, and all these years later wished they said NO.

mooza

I'm with your second comment. I wished to try this good thing that if I waited until I could get the real good medicine, I wouldn't be so shiteddddd offf. Your life is not in your hands - 3 reversals, hernia, etc. I wished I went back and knew for sure that I could have known the new drug Remicade before my body was hacked to death. Oi oi, love ya, Aissie Shelia me.

har126vey

Hi Bill, thank you. I sure have a lot to share but really been 'lazy' lately. Must be the heat..lol. I'll be back cos you guys have helped more than any medical personnel! I'm so grateful and intend on helping all I can! Take care :)

Bill

Hello Duncan. If you keep sharing - you will be helping.

Best wishes

Bill

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