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Past Member
Posted by Past Member, on Wed Jun 10, 2020 4:16 pm

When I was younger I faced the same challenges that those who do not have ostomies, that being having the right job, some money in the bank, having your own place. As we can all relate telling prospective romantic partners about our ostomies can be daunting to say the least.

Now am older of course and I find my biggest challenge is when to tell someone about my ostomy....I have  a full time job and I have my own place yet since my divorce I have found it difficult not to go on dates but to find  a meaningful solid relationship...My ex wife  refused near the end of our marriage to have sex with me.... wouldnt even  try to initiate sex. Made fun of me behind my back because of my ostomy, told me to my face it grossed her out and I did not deserve to be with any other woman. Of course I've also heard when dating no it doesn't bother the woman when I tell them but then I never hear from them again.

I'd like to hear from those who maybe have experienced similar challenges and circumstances....when it comes to dating and intimacy what did you do to cope and manage things.?




Reply by pk98las, on Wed Jun 10, 2020 4:45 pm

My advice is Swinging, Yes join the swinging community. You would be surprised. Most people are fine when you tell them you have a stoma, you are right. Don't make a big thing of it though and neither will they. I usually mention it on first meeting but only in passing, Most people are fine with it ,swingers or not. It's just that you get to see more people in the swinging community in an intimate situation. If you don't make it a big deal neither will they.

The situation with your ex is different and is something of the same situation as mine. She didn't get the choice, she was presented with a different situation than she had before and felt that she had it thrust opon her.

We may think that "better or worse" means that but if it's worse many people will jump ship. she prbably didn't mean the things she said it was just her way of Justifying her feelings of entrapment .

I may have misread your particular story but I have found no problem with women knowing about my plumbing ,they are, almost without exception, caring and loving . I just ignore the thing most of the time and so do they.


Reply by panther, on Thu Jun 11, 2020 10:29 am

I've had my ostomy over 30 years since I was 19 it's never been a problem with women for me I've even used it to try put a few of me and it never worked! I've always been open and told them almost as soon as I speak to them. All comes down to self confindence in yourself you have to make them fell at ease with your ostomy. If you never hear from them again after telling them you have an ostomy it's there loss they weren't good enough for you with or without an ostomy. From my own experineces and what I've read over the years I think in most cases it easier for men to date with an ostomy than it is for women. You just haven't meet the right woman yet

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