WE ALL TAKE PILLS. MY REGIMEN includes a bunch in the morning, then a few more in the evening. You’d think that I’d get used to it by now, but I’m a terrible pill taker. My swallow reflex seems to jam up on me once in a while, as if it has a mind of its own. I’m fully aware that, psychologically, I’m aiding and abetting the problem. I can’t do anything about that, however. I’ve always hated taking pills, just like I’ve always hated the NY Yankees. No amount of self-reflection is apt to change those predispositions. At least I’m not having to take any controlled substances. I didn’t even do that in the drug-crazed Sixties. (Well, not counting a little weed.) I was resolved to expand my consciousness on my own, thank you very much. Even now, I rarely will take even aspirin or similar substances. I haven’t had occasion to try Viagra, tho’ I did just hear a good joke about it: Grandparents visit their son and his family over-night. While in the bathroom, the grandfather notices some Viagra, so he asks his son about it. You don’t want to fool with it, his son says. Besides, they cost $10 each. I want to try one, says the granddad. I’ll leave you $10 under the pillow before we leave tomorrow morning. The next day, after his parents have departed, the son finds $110 under the pillow. He calls his dad. “I told you it was $10,” he reminds him. “I know,” says his old dad. “The other $100 is from grandma.”
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