Signs You're an Ostomate: Relatable Experiences

Can you relate to any?

You know you're an ostomate when...

· Talking about diarrhea seems like a perfectly acceptable topic for conversation.

· Getting old food on your hands while doing the dishes grosses you out more than getting poop on your hands.

· Not having an ostomy pouch on your abdomen seems weird.

· Ostomy poop smells normal/okay and colon poop smells weird/bad.

· Someone tells a joke and your stoma "laughs" with you.

· Your purse is three times bigger to accommodate your emergency kit.

· Showering "fully" naked is exciting.

· The color, consistency, and detail of your poop interests you more than most other topics.

· Your new "butthole" has a name.

· You poop around company, during meetings, while you eat....

· Pooping does not require clothing removal.

· You worry stores might think you're shoplifting if they see the lump from a full bag.

· When you're playing Cards Against Humanity, you always get to go first (whoever pooped last goes first).

· You absent-mindedly feel your bag to see if it needs emptying, regardless of your surroundings.

· You categorize your friends as "rectal" and "non-rectal".

You visit this website to see if anyone has your same issues and/or resolutions.

And just what's being flung around.

Showering naked is always exciting.

LOL

Every single one!

LOL

I was reading those and saying, "I don't do that... oh wait, yes I do!"

LOL same

"You worry stores might think you’re shoplifting if they see the lump from a full bag."  I once drove for four hours from my home in Utah to the courthouse in Vegas.  I was checking through security and the officer had his eye on me.  "What's that in your pocket?" he asked me.  It was my very puffed-up ostomy bag.  I told him what it was and asked directions to the closest men's room.  He seemed dubious, but allowed me to go on.

Oh my gosh, that is crazy, Henry! LOL

These are great, Sally! I sure can relate to most, although I am not sure what Cards Against Humanity is. We ostomates are a special breed. Conversations about poop are completely normal, and let's not underestimate our superpowers. I mean, who else can actually watch themselves poop?

Terry

Hi Terry,

Cards Against Humanity is a very silly game. The rules say "whoever pooped last goes first". LOL

I had a 'hen party' recently with just us gals in the family over and we played it. No one ever mentions my ostomy so when I said "I go first because I'm pooping now" they were all shocked at first but then we had a great laugh over that.

Sallyk,

Lol, all of this is so true. I'm loving it.

When I'm in a fitting room trying on clothes, I think about how they're "watching" us so we don't shoplift. Then I wonder what they're thinking when they see something in my underwear. Maybe they think I'm in the process of transitioning? Or I'm stealing stuff in my panties?

I wish I had an issue with people seeing something in my underwear.

Lol, I always adjust my bag when I get in a car. I told my sister I know how it feels to be a guy now. Lol.

But yours doesn't hurt if you get it pinched.

You're a riot, Alex!

When you have a practiced speech right on the tip of your tongue for that occasion when someone gives you the stink eye as you emerge from a disabled-access restroom with no 'visible' disability...

Mine would be to lift my shirt and say "This is the fresh bag. The old one's still in there if you want to check it!"

Thankfully I've not yet had cause to do so...

That is hilarious!

This reminds me of something I experienced around three years ago, when I was a new ostomate. I think I posted about it at the time. I was in a Walmart bathroom, that was marked as a 'Family' bathroom, but also had the 'handicapped' symbol and the wheelchair on it, so it was clearly a multi-purpose washroom. I had to empty, and being a newbie, it took me a while. As I came out, there was a thirty-something guy with a couple of young kids waiting to get in, and he was clearly very impatient. When he saw me, he said, 'this is a family bathroom' in a pretty aggressive manner. I pointed to the sign on the door and told him that it was also for handicapped people. He looked me up and down, and sneeringly said 'you sure don't look handicapped'. What an #!!hole!I wish I had one of those great comebacks at the ready, but I was so shocked, I don't even remember what I said, something like 'you can't always tell by looking at someone'. And this guy was setting an example for his kids!!

Terry

He was definitely an A-hole!

Hmm, what about us ostomates that just pee in our bags... we gotta have something too...

I just realized, yesterday, that I can't sit through a whole movie at a theater if I partake of popcorn and a drink. With about 15 minutes to go I thought my bag was gonna burst. So, no more middle of an aisle for me.

I always sit on the end... just in case.

If your bag bursts, people will move rather quickly out of your way.

Been there in the ballroom, on a table for eight people.... Yeah, everyone moved rapido.

They may know... It's not poop...

On my last stint in the hospital, I was obliged to use NHS-supplied bags, as I was admitted in a bit of a rush so didn't have the chance to bring my own supplies with me. These particular bags always give me problems with ballooning.

One time I was trying to totter to the restroom and kept getting waylaid by nurses for bloods, injections, BP checks etc until finally I had to pull aside my gown, showing the ZEPPELIN hanging off my midriff.

"Girls, I know you have a job to do, but if this thing goes off it's gonna be carnage"

I got a high-speed wheelchair ride to the bathroom for that!

Brilliant!