Meeting Women with Ostomies: Tips for Getting Started

I had an ileostomy placed in 2021 and since then, my 15-year relationship has ended. I'm now comfortable enough with my physical condition to start dating again but having some trouble getting started. I'm thinking that looking to meet a woman with an ostomy also may be a good idea because we already have at least one thing in common, lol. I'm kind of shy at first, so any input on how to get outside of my comfort zone and meet women on this site would be greatly appreciated.

Hi bb,

Meeting them is easy... just look at the pictures, find a couple you like and send them a message. The thing that makes the whole dating thing mostly impossible is the part about owning a helicopter, or private jet (for you 'Thirston Howell III' types), so you can get to them. Unless you're independently wealthy, of course, in which case you can just hire someone to find you an ostomate babe of your very own. Seriously, there just aren't a lot of ostomates out there, and those that are seem to be spread out pretty much all over this great country of ours. The "other" ostomy dating site has a map that shows you where all the members are located, so you can tell in just a few seconds if there's anyone even remotely close to you. Then you have to deal with if you find them attractive and interesting enough to want to have a relationship with. As I seriously doubt having only an ostomy in common is a good reason to have a relationship.

This site, despite its name, has primarily been about ostomy/ostomate discussion, with some dating going on in the background between the few who found it somehow possible. It seems now that this site is placing a bit more emphasis on the 'dating' aspect of being an ostomate, since it says everyone that views you is interested in a relationship. I don't know... maybe they're just curious... or like to look at pictures??? I guess there's a perceived shift on here to more dating because few ostomates really want to "discuss" their misfortune and would rather spend their membership fee trying to meet someone with their same issues instead of listening to me blab about Oral Rehydration Solution. So can't say I blame them. But I seriously doubt there's a lot of dating going on between ostomates, no matter what the name of the site is. Of course I've been known to be very wrong once or twice... so you never know. And there's that blind squirrel who manages to find nuts every so often... so there's that.

But Dude... seriously, if you can't get out of your comfort zone enough to send a few messages to gals on here... then your comfort zone is way too big. Giganormous even! To your detriment. I mean, what the hell do you have to lose sending messages to some gals on here??? So pick up that pen and start to wri... no wait... you don't even have to do that anymore. Just click and type! Now git on that!

;O)

Your friendly neighborhood SpiderMan

Most so-called dating experts I see on TV say online dating is the best way to meet someone. Now, I'm of an age where I think you just meet someone when you're out, when the time's right, and tell them my bad jokes to see if they laugh at them or just at me. LOL. Just a case really of which you feel is right for yourself. Being shy, maybe joining some online dating sites might be a better way for you as it's easier to talk to someone you can't see. Lots of women, and sure, vice versa, are turned on by shy guys. Don't ask me how I know this. LOL. So being shy isn't a problem and neither is an ostomy. After having an ostomy almost all of my adult life, I've met my fair share of women in my misspent youth and the bag was never a problem, so don't rule out women without ostomies either. If you pay to be a member on this site, you can message women. I think the chances of meeting someone on here are few and far between, but some have, so never say never, and if you don't ask, you don't get.

I think any good relationship starts with a friendship. If you approach it from meeting/talking to a new friend, does that help with your shyness? Friendship can take off any unwanted pressure in the beginning as well. Nervousness and excitement come from the same base emotion in your brain, so it's really how your brain is interpreting the circumstances. Me being excited can be seen more like nervous energy at times and vice versa.
If you meet a compassionate person, they will care more about you and your well-being, which includes having an ostomy even if she doesn't have one herself. But people who have been through their own share of crap, even if it's not the same, it's usually made them a better person or a more crabby one. So look for the ones who have been able to crawl out of those situations and managed to be the ones who show kindness and care for others. Not to go to Mr. Rogers here, but I remember him quoting his mom, I believe, and it has to do with always looking for the helpers around you in tough situations (I'm obviously paraphrasing here).

Jodie

Ben, I was waiting for you to throw out "just try it, see how it goes."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LGHtc_D328

:o)

Oh Bob, I love it when you talk all OARS!

Thanks, Bob!

"If you look for the helpers you'll know there is hope" - Seriously one of my favorite quotes

I have had an ostomy since I was a young woman. Never found a man with an ostomy. But dated many men. I was married for 21 years and still dating. You will be surprised how kind and compassionate people can be. Good luck. Just take your time with new people... no need to tell everyone you have an ostomy unless you feel they are going to see you naked.

If humor is an attribute, you have it in spades, Bob!

Jeanne

Oh, and by the way, the only other ostomate I know is my 88-year-old dear Aunt Sally!

Well, I guess my point of view is different from most of the folks who have responded here.

Oh, don't be shy... fire away! 'Different' is good. Sometimes the odd man out has the right answer... sometimes not. It's just your opinion... and everyone knows opinions are like assholes... everybody has one. Most of us on here now have two!

;O)

Put yourself out there... Plenty of women who are extremely caring and compassionate.

I might actually consider becoming a member of this site, but I have no idea how to do that. I've seen nothing about how you pay or requesting that you join. Anyone know how much it even is? Thanks in advance, Jeanne.

You have dated another ostomate, correct? I have only been with men who "gave a shit"! I'm sorry. I had to say it. But, I'm very curious. I would imagine it was kind of nice, not having to explain anything. Jeanne

I think that info pops up before you log in. There is a 'Contact Us' button you could use to ask those questions.

Listen to the ladies. Listen especially to crappycolondiaries. They will tell you what ladies like and want in a friend.

Invite me for a shower together bag to bag... I am in. In 1986, I met this great man from New Hampshire on this web site; with whom I was in a relationship for 3 years. Last year, he stopped by my place in Phoenix, AZ on his way to Flagstaff to say goodbye to his 2 brothers. Because cancer won over him - second round.

I met my husband on this site. He is a great man; with compassion. We are now separated but Tuesday is movie night and dinner.

Why is it that most men on this web site have a pouch due to cancer and do not think that cancer might come back. Erectile dysfunction is part of life as well as dry vagina.

Thank you for bringing up this question.

Your friend

Bob, I need to hear you admit how much you like Mr. Rogers (not on phone so no fun emoji here)

Well, thank you kindly, Sally!

Anything for my friend with the cool sayings (my fav being rat's ass lol).

89 CND lifetime. When you log in, there is a red "Upgrade" button. Click on it.

It's a difficult proposition to say the least. I have had mine for 4 years and have yet to find a method. If you reveal early on, there is the very real risk of being rejected out of ignorance. Waiting has also not worked out well for me either. I am a member of several online groups. Unfortunately, there are so few of us in the US that most of them are located far from me in the Pacific NW. BTW - how is Ponchatoula? I'm originally from New Orleans. Hoping for better results for you. It would help if this site didn't charge for exchanging messages.

I used to love Mr. Rogers! Watched him all the time! It was Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, Zoom, and The Electric Company... all on PBS, Channel 13 in the NYC metro area back in the late 60's to early 70's. Never liked sweaters though...

;O)

I remember watching as a little kid, wondering what color cardigan he'd choose that day.

I love this!!! And believe it with my whole heart!!!

Thank you so much for providing the link for us all! :)

Hi Jeanie, my name is Marsha, and I've had my ostomy for almost 60 years, since I was a "kid" of 15. I was active in the NYC ostomy association (even helped start a young adult group) and found it helpful to have a group of friends who knew what an ostomy was. We socialized some, had meetings, and also went to visit newbies who just had surgery, since there were no stoma nurses back then. Experienced ostomates were very helpful and understanding. I actually met my husband through the ostomy assoc. He had Crohn's disease, and while he wasn't interested in being active in the assoc, we started to date, married a year later, and spent 24 1/2 years together. The ostomy wasn't enough to keep us together. About membership with this group, there is a yearly fee, which I use to pay erratically. I didn't think I "needed" the group, so I let membership lapse. But after a time, I missed the regular contact and friendships I'd made, so I paid the fee for permanent membership. I figured my ostomy was permanent, and I made this commitment as well. On the top "banner" (of this page) is "contact us." You can write to the managers of the site and ask for info about membership. Welcome to the site... Marsha

I am a member. Thanks, Sally!