Navigating Ostomies and Surgeries with a Partner

Curious how others in past/present relationships have navigated these surgeries and ostomies with a partner. I have a feeling experiences will be across the board and hopefully some whose experiences haven't been the best up to this point can find encouragement/support in others' stories.

I was married for 35 years. I got emergency surgery. 4 years later, I'm divorced.

So he didn't handle it well.

I'm sorry to hear that! How are you doing now?

My wife passed away 8 years ago, so I have no complaints on that end!

Mine has been absolutely amazing, between helping me shower when I was too weak, to handing me tissue while I was first learning to clean out my ostomy bag, trying to sleep on or by the couch with me, doing all the grocery shopping, but most of all being patient and not pushing me to do things I don't feel I'm ready for, encouraging comments like "I know it hurts, but you're doing a good job" when I was in the hospital this last time for my reversal, even just trying to help me maintain a sense of humor...one time he came into the bathroom while I was doing an appliance change and joked "my baby's got a belly butthole"

Let me clarify that statement I made above, my wife had a hell of a sense of humor and she really would have got a kick out of that statement. Married for 45 years, 45 good years.

So sorry.....

Without knowing you, I had no idea how to respond to your first statement. I'm glad you had what sounds like a really good 45 years together, and also sorry for your loss.

I had my ileo when I was 19. I had a partner at the time. No problems, she didn't mind. And being honest, as in a lot of relationships, it was me who had the problem with it, pushing everyone away from me. Maybe it was down to my age, being young and immature, or just down to having to learn to live and accept it myself... After that, I had one-night stands where there wasn't time to tell them I had a bag, friends with benefits, had a few of them. Then when I grew up and acted more like an adult in relationships, my bag's never been a problem in any of them. It even seemed to turn some on more... Always remember, when relationships break up, there are three stories: why it happened, yours/theirs, and the truth.

Hi Wildflower, you have a winner and that's the only way to be. You found your soulmate and I wish you a long happy life together making new exciting memories learning new things in new places. Enjoy your journey pain-free. Best, Arlen

I am a new ostomate (only 2 weeks post ileostomy), my husband has been super supportive through the entire journey, from the gradual and then more rapid deterioration of my health over the last 4 years, to preparing for the surgery and during my recovery.

It is his encouragement, patience, and wanting to understand so he can help that has kept me going. Our children have also been fab and now ask how 'Stanley' (my stoma) is at regular times.

Although it has only been a couple of weeks, my quality of life has already improved exponentially. I have been very lucky!

I didn't feel comfortable posting the smiley face until you explained. That's funny.

Glad I did the follow-up!

I think we all are.

You had me laughing for real.

I'm going to go back and like your original comment since your wife would've found it hilarious, and if people wonder why I liked it, they can scroll down.

I have to be totally honest here. My husband is not the greatest 'nurse', and never has been. He won't hesitate to help me out with things, but I usually have to ask. He just doesn't think. As far as my ostomy, he could not have been more supportive and has never made me feel I'm any less of a person, or woman, than I was. I talk with him about everything ostomy related and have even shared ostomy humor with him. When it came to dealing with my recovery from my various surgeries, he was fine, but again, I often need to ask for help, or point out that I wasn't really able to do certain things yet. He's a good guy and I know he loves me, he's just a bit 'thick' at times! Not trading him in anytime soon, and it will be 38 years this July.

Terry

I hope he doesn't read this, things could change.

Thanks for your honesty, Terry. I'm incapable of sugarcoating, so my response when I'm able to organize my ADHD thoughts, well, it won't be sugar-coated either :)

Your Stanley was 'born' the same day as my friend's baby girl. How did you pick the name? That's great you are seeing an improved quality of life already! Are your kids still at home? I noticed you have hEDS and fibromyalgia. I have the hypermobility - I didn't know a lot of the things I do aren't "normal" until last year. I was also told fibro, but for me, I don't know if that was accurate with everything else I had going on.

Never had any issues here, been 36 or so years with my partner, not married. I've had plenty of life-changing medical issues that haven't caused any difficulties, but I'm such a great catch no one could possibly abandon me .... Err except my first wife when I was very young. But it all works out for us, I've just spent 3 months caring for her after she had some rods and screws inserted into her back.

You just spent months caring for your first wife after her surgery? If I read that right, that's pretty amazing.

No, no, no. The partner, wife was almost forty years ago, don't want to go there!!!

Oh, hahaha. I could go back and delete my misunderstanding, but I'm gonna leave it. My bad!

Yes, 3 out of my 4 children still live at home, and our youngest is nearly 12.

You have a full house! Love that the kids are asking about Stanley.

My wife and I are coming up on our 50th anniversary. We were only 19 when we got married. I was kind of an ass until I grew up, but she stuck it out. She has been the best support a person could ask for. I am a lucky guy.

While I was in the hospital post-op following my emergency colostomy surgery, my husband would put his earbuds in and watch videos on his phone. Turns out some of the videos he was watching were ostomy care and reversal related....

About how old were you when you grew up?

Gonna watch the show I recommended from Netflix?

I'm almost there now...

My wife was amazing and very supportive! Her family is very open with poop talk even before I had my emergency surgery, so she and the family made me feel very comfortable with what happened. She would say that I have a "looking at ass" not functioning. Good question!