Struggling with Acceptance: Is Love Possible with an Ostomy?

Well, thanks much, Mama BEG! So it's 20 minutes after the hour. Where you be? Hope you're having a nice sleep. Talk soon.

I feel for you, hun. So many people can be superficial. All I can say is, we don't need those people in our lives. I have been through a couple relationships (one I was engaged during) since the surgery. And I can't say for certain they left or cheated or lied or did the things they did because of it...but it seems like some people are only as good or as faithful as the next option that comes along. My ex-fiancée cheated on me while I was going through chemotherapy and lied to me up until the day I found out for sure what she had been up to. It broke my heart and reshattered a self-image that had seemed to have taken years to piece back together after going through cancer and ostomy surgery. In the end, I know it wasn't my fault. Those people are just selfish pieces of shit and will never know what it's like to walk in our shoes, nor could they fill them if they did know. I've pretty much just focused on myself and trying to improve my life since then. I am not sure how much I trust people now to get close to me like that, but I am trying to keep an open mind and stay positive. Not everyone is a self-serving scumbag. It just seems like that sometimes. Keep your head up and your mind positive, and you will one day meet the right guy. It's just too bad we have to meet so many fuckheads in between.

I hope that you are feeling better and perhaps this site has helped you to make friends and maybe meet someone. I had a very similar experience this year with my best friend of 13 years - have not heard from him since Feb. But you have to move on and not let anyone ruin your life because they can't or won't be with you for a medical condition. Your life has to be about more than one relationship - you have to remember that life is full of surprises, some good, some great, and some bad. You meet other people who will help you and share your life, including the ups and downs. Hang in there, girl, and fight!!!

Thanks sooperdave,

So sorry to hear the crap you've had to deal with.... kind of puts a bit of perspective on my problems. Feel like a whining cow now.

I'm definitely feeling a bit more positive about things now. Just trying not to dwell on the crappy stuff and get on with living life and who knows... maybe somewhere down the line I might meet the man of my dreams.

Thanks for taking the time to reply... I'm amazed at the support and help from all the people on this site. It's a godsend!

Look after yourself.

Nini x

Tess... Thank you for the kind words. You're dead right.

There is a website called Ostomy Secrets - there are garments that you can put your bag in....I am kinda in the same situation. How do you tell someone....I, for one, feel it's best to get it out there right away!
When a guy (who knows nothing about me) asks the mighty question/comment....here I go...\\\
I smoke pot, drink, and swear. I am a single mom of a 20-year-old son. I have been married 2.5 times. I've never killed anyone, but I am Italian, so murder for hire does not bother me...and oh yeah - the contents of my small intestine drain into a medical pouch....I see it like a chick with a di**K...no wonder why all you guys are always adjusting.

Believe me - you will know the answer in seconds.

Has anyone ever considered not saying a thing and treating it as a natural part of your body -- wear the bag under/in a stretch band - it does not show and has never been a problem. If you make a deal of it, no wonder people are turned off - it's not a problem until we make it one ;-- Don't let yourself feel less than perfect -- you are very special - very lucky and need to be proactive --- God bless you and hang in there....

Loneliness affects people to varying degrees and being dumped by those who cannot accept the changes to another person I think says more about them than the person who's been affected. Also, understanding the nature of an illness doesn't factor into those people's minds who at the moment feel perfectly fine, yet at some point they too will experience the short end of the proverbial stick and know life's realities when it bites themselves. Such is the reality of everyday living. To be alive is to know that one day something may break :O . Also, with me, I've managed to accept my own shortcomings to the point of self-imposed isolation. (Which isn't something I would recommend to anyone.) And those who face a breakup in a relationship due to an illness know the pain of rejection and that the one person that you'd thought who would stand by you? The one who decides to do the opposite knows that gut-wrenching sensation that grows in the gut very well. Actually, I think I'm describing myself here haha. My point is NEVER to give up :) . My time here, although short, I have come to read so many people's personal life stories and they are amazing. Especially the awesome support from so many others here chiming in with supporting advice and caring attitude. So keep on standing and be strong

Hi Niamh, I'll wait a little while before I share those details, what's the hurry? I want someone to see my personality and what I can bring to a relationship first. Also, when I tell a guy, I keep it short, don't get technical and give them the whole story. That comes later if he sticks around. It's just hey, I was sick, had to have a major surgery, and have this appliance that collects my stool - done. The easiest thing is to show a small bag, the intimate bags you can use during sex, and the first big reveal, leave it at that. It's all too much for someone to digest. If you feel real brave, show him yours or let him feel where the ring/lip might be. Tell him it doesn't interfere with sex, and what questions does he have. If he ends up freaking out, he wasn't worth your time and his penis probably wasn't what you were looking for anyway! Too small, lol. I have had a few guys have to step back and say, whoa, but then they were fine. I think only one guy dumped me because of the ileostomy. A lot of guys joked with me about it and I say, perfect to travel and camp with, pack it in and pack it out. :) The more you do this, you will get used to it. Try to relax when you approach the subject and timing is important and the place. Good luck, feel free to contact. xxoo