Hi, Mr. Brightside -
I've had my ileostomy for more than 50 years -- of course, this is just my opinion -- but I never even considered letting my ileostomy "define" me or have any negative impact on my life. I was 17 when I got my ileostomy, and there hasn't been a day of my life since that I haven't felt incredibly blessed to have lived in a time when that life-saving surgery was available to me. Even though it's been more than 50 years, I can still remember how miserable life was before my ileostomy. I had ulcerative colitis, and if you want to talk about something that was isolating, that was excruciatingly isolating for me.
After my ileostomy, I attended several support group meetings, but they just weren't for me. Again, this is just my opinion, but what I encountered were groups of very nice people, but they seemed to identify themselves by their ostomies. I certainly respect anybody who chooses to do that, but that just didn't appeal to me at all.
Relating this to your question, I would suggest taking a step back and clearly identifying to yourself who you are and what kind of life you want to live. You mentioned that now changing your bag is second nature. That's great! That's exactly what it should be. It's not a big deal. You are not a "freak of nature" that will be ridiculed by the local villagers if you venture out. Just be yourself!
I would recommend doing things that you like to do. In my case, for example, I enjoyed bicycling, photography, working out, running, and reading to name a few things. I easily found groups, clubs, and classes for all those things. Most of the clubs and groups were free or had very minimal annual dues, and the same with community college classes. I took a bunch of non-credit adult classes at community colleges that were free. What a great way to meet people who share interests that I had. By just being myself and simply pursuing things that interested me, I met lots of people, and as a single guy at the time, I met lots of really wonderful females and enjoyed wonderful times dating. I've been happily married for 30+ years at this point, but having an ostomy at 17, I could have isolated myself -- I certainly had no money -- but I truly never considered it, so I just lived my life doing things that I enjoyed, and the social aspects of my life blossomed on their own.
I don't know if this helps at all -- I hope it does -- but years ago when I used to visit pre-ostomy patients in the hospital, the most important information I felt that I could impart to them -- most of whom were scared to death -- was that life with an ostomy can be great or it can suck. The choice is yours.
Like you, I quickly discovered that changing bags was easy, not a big deal at all. So why should my life be different from any other person's life? My answer is, "It shouldn't be," and with a little effort, you can ensure that you are as active and social as you want to be.
I wish you much happiness, good health, and heartwarming socialization in the future. Just be yourself. You sound like a really nice person.
Milford
