I want to quit!

I know I am new to the group. I hope you will include me in your group hugs because I love hugs too.

Hi Mary Allison!    You betcha!  We will keep you huddled right in the center of our hug pile... look out, some of us hug tight lol.

Dear Wounded Doe. Thank heavens for those "tight hugs." And thank you for being inclusive to someone new. It's kind of like starting middle school in a new town....a little scary walking into a group where everyone knows each other. Bless you all as you cope and go through each day. Love, Mary

I feel the same way sometimes, and to be honest, I don't see why I shouldn't just off myself.

Hey there Janice!

Hang in there, but I do have to ask - what happened that you're feeling this way?

Remember - it's full moon time and anybody that's worked in an emergency within a hospital, or police work will tell you that during a full moon, emotions tend to run a little "high".

Go out and treat yourself to something special - or try to help someone worse off than yourself.

Keep the correspondence going!

Regards;

Martin

Hey Janice

Read your post, I am saddened by your despair. You have a lot going on in your life. More than I will ever know.
Many here say "I know how you feel"
Janice, no they do not know how you feel, how can they, they are not you. Your body, your emotions. There is no way anyone here knows how and what Janice is going through. To do so would be an insult to you.

You have reached out and vented, you have said in not so many words, you are tired, you are hurt, you have had enough.
What does the future hold for Janice?
The future, Janice, is the dream. The dream that keeps us all going. Maybe just maybe the next day will be better than today. Myself, many times, I went hour to hour, days were too long to comprehend.

Alligator mentioned thoughts of just "off myself". I have been there myself. Perhaps many of us have from time to time. It's not a bad plan, maybe a little tough on the relatives. There does seem to be one insurmountable problem with offing oneself.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR MIND. All of the alternatives are gone. The dream is no more.

You just keep venting, let it all out. Do it as often as you want. I will tell you this, I for one will be there listening as I think many others also will.

I can't tell you I know what you are going through.
I can guarantee without reservation, you are not alone.

Rick.....

hi Janice,

You know I'm kinda weird. I get down and fed up and laugh my way through it. I hate my ileostomy, I hate the scars and the pain, but in my mind's eye I see Brian hanging on the cross. And all of a sudden a voice pipes up in a cockney twang, "Cheer up Brian, it's not all bad," and then bursts into song. It always lifts me. I'm not making fun of your feelings and pain, but I'm kinda weird in what helps me. ......walks off singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.

Janice....I am reading each and every reply here....and just look what precious, awesome people are here with you .... notice how many people are taking the time to step forth and offer you their thoughts and words ...and 'hugs' ... and in doing so, we are all reaching each other and impressing something on each other ...and my personal thoughts are also with our silent friends. Very cool. We all certainly have our different situations, yet, we all share much in common.....that's what brings us together. What excellent, supportive replies. What cool friends, indeed.

~Love to everyone from your Doe

I appreciate the encouragement all!

I've found on another ostomy site an article on the 5 stages of grief everyone goes through when facing a loss, whether it be a loved one, or in my case, a body part (my bowels).
It really helped me to understand what I'm going through is actually pretty normal.
Feeling a bit better today.
Thanks again all of you!

Hi
I am new to this. Only got four months of it behind me, and 2 on chemo. It gets you down but find the funny side, even the wind plays a tune to my family's amusement. I have done 13 years with a mastectomy and never wore a false boob. Not the same choice with the bag, be a bit messy. So hang on in there, we all care and get bad bad days.

Janice, I bet you will be happy to know this thread you have started apparently has been great medicine for others who struggle with those times (which is no doubt most of us) .....'tis a great place for everyone to come back to and re-read (and look how many hits this thread is still receiving...that's fantastic) ... to remind us all that we are not in this alone ... what you posted when you were feeling down has become not only an outpouring of support for you but also a big 'outreach' and connection for a lot of people who are reflecting on their own experiences, feelings and emotions....this is great.... I think sometimes as we deliver support, we, in turn, have the opportunity to put our own cards on the table and absorb the postings of others .....and it ends up being salve for many wounds, full circle ..... your post has brought a great deal of positive influence and connection.

Remember that everybody.....it is good to share, your words are more than posts...sharing what your soul has to put forth is priceless ..

Be happy and well everyone!!

I'm not on the internet much these days but want to make certain you know I care about y'all!

~Much love from your WD

Hi Janice

When I joined the forum, I mentioned my depression and you proved to be a tower of strength to me. Please, don't quit. We all need one another.

Sharon, hope you are feeling better. You are in my prayers.

Best regards and love, Ni

Thanks all for the private message, love, encouragement. I mean that from the bottom of my heart!!

Our car died the other day. We need a new engine *sigh* what little cash we had tucked aside to try catch up on our mortgage now has to go to the car!

I'm really trying here but I can't take any more blows here! I know this is life but on top of the depression lately I can't take much more

On a good note. We're getting our grandkids overnight tonight. They always cheer me up!

I just read Janice's comment about depression and all the replies. It helped, but I, too, am in the middle of that battle.

I have battled Crohn's Disease for over 35 years and about 2 1/2 months ago, I had my sigmoid colon, rectum, and anus removed. Depression has been tough. I have precious family and grandchildren that keep me going.

I still have a lot of depression and am working with my doctor on that. What I hate is that there is one fake front I can put on whenever I need to, but inside, Janice, I too want to give up. It is not easy. Still the pain, fear of drug addiction, odor, noise, public embarrassment, stoma sticking out so far you see it under my shirt! Most of my friends, work associates, etc. think I am handling all this wonderfully. Inside, I hurt and HATE it!

Thank God for a wonderful, understanding, supportive, rock of a wife! Alone, I would be done.

I will keep praying, reading, hoping, and ...

Bosco,
Please call your doctor ASAP and tell him of these feelings.
There is a post-operative clinical depression that can set in, plus your weaning off steroids can cause this to go into severe depression or manic mode.

I had terrible post-op depression. I stopped eating and drinking. I hated what they did to me and wanted to die. I would have let myself starve if I didn't have my kids.

The first year for me was the most difficult. I did get better. I recovered fully. I am blessed with a full incredible life.

Praying for you, buddy.

Dear Janice - None of us would ever think of you in that way ... we've all been there. In fact, today I'm having a "whiney, wtf" day.

Deep breath, hug someone, or look at something beautiful. Try to live in the moment - and you'll have better moments soon.

Love and hugs.

Hubert Humphrey had Crohn's. His answer was "It is not what they take away from you that matters, it is what you do with what you have left that counts."

'

Hi hon; I deal with blow-outs a lot also; my skin is SUPER sensitive and always weepy anymore. I have days when I don't understand why I drew this card; Keep sharing here and we will all help ourselves through anything. I have had the same surgery as Bosco due to Crohn's; I had this disease since my 20's and the trade-off after surgery is the constant gnaw of pain is gone; (not to mention the spontaneous bleeding) I remind myself what used to be and today isn't so bad. Hang in there, and remember it is ok and normal to have a crappy day. (pun intended) lex

Wow, you guys are so awesome with one another. I feel like I am gate crashing a little as it's my husband with the stoma or now hopefully if all goes ok, reversal... but I just wanted to say that the dark days are lit by the light days full of little things that just lift. I have watched worried as my husband struggled with his stoma. I have heard him in the shower crying after again it leaked at silly o'clock in our bed. I have had silent tears of my own for his pain and ill health.
I have no words of wisdom and can only empathize with you all. After all, I haven't suffered what you're all going through. But I feel it all the same as I watch my husband battle through yet another health issue. He feels like giving up too. Thankfully, the thing that keeps him going is me and the things I went through before we met. My 14-year-old son had an accident and died suddenly. My hubby knows although he feels at his darkest right now, he has to pull through as I couldn't bear to lose him too.
All my love and prayers to each one of you. Kizzed x

Thank you, babe, for sharing your story. You have both been put through the wringer over the last few years, but it's so lovely to hear that you support each other like you do - how wonderful. I hope that you can get something sorted with him very soon. It doesn't sound quite right to me... Take care xx

I am new to this post also but I am glad you did post so I could get caught up. I used to get so irritated at the blowouts in bed in the middle of the night. I had to get up, shower, wash the sheets, etc., etc. It is a bummer. I still don't like it at all but it does get easier to handle. Your husband is so lucky to have you. Just like voting, post as often as you can.

Janice.
When i found out i had cancer within the Colon i was so depressed my life had hit rock bottom since i was 15 i was just taking hit after hit with my health, i didnt know what to do i got so angry with everyone and everything i couldnt even walk around the shops or drive as i was so ill. But now i have had my surgery and met with my Surgeon prior to the surgery and even the Stoma Nurse i knew it was all real, i am 22 and got told the week after my bday that i had cancer and i needed to have my enitre colon removed. My surgeon decided not to go by what gastro where saying that i had crohnes disease he wanted to make sure it was that as i had traces of UC as well. Well 3 weeks before my surgery he called me and said that its postponed as pathology havent got back to him as yet, 3 days later i was in ED about to have emergency surgery as i had massive internal bleeding and the bowel was about to perfirate. I was so scared, and all i did was cry my fiance just held me he didnt know what do to, my parents where there by my side the whole time as well. It has now been 4 weeks post op, and i am feeling GREAT! my life doesnt depend around a toilet anymore, i have the chance of being rejoined but i dont want to be, i am happy having an illostomy and my fiance has been the best support i could ask for. I get the days where i dont want to do anything other than cry but then i remember who i had by the side of me when i went through all of this and that was my family and friends. I get up think to myself i am alive and have a wonderful and exciting new life adhead of me.

I really hope you feel better soon, Chin up and keep smiling

Brooke

Hey Janice:
I like you spent 86 days(2005) in ICU lost weight to 130 pounds, spent 2 months in rehab learning to walk again. Then learning how to deal with this bag. But as you said God had other plans for me. Here it's 5 years later and I have learned to deal with living with an Ostomy. Thanks to all the encouragement and positive vibes and information I get from this site. Hope you will continue to feel free to express yourself here. Everyone on this site will help you to deal with your frustrations. At the risk of coming across as lecturing you remain positive. Time has a way of easing the painful feelings. I lost my wife of 35 years 6 months before I got sick, then UC hit me and I went straight into an emergency situation. At times I wondered why, but in time it got better for me and it will for you. God bless.

Life really truly sucks at times.
Starting on Oct 18th....
My surgeon has booked me in for "urgent" surgery to fix a blockage caused by my peristomal hernia repair in March. (I go in 15th of december)
He also referred me to Gyno Oncology and I'm having a total hysto and oofectomy at the same time as the other surgery.
Had a CT scan and had an allergic reaction to the injected contrast. The vein in my right arm is hard as a rock now and I look like a junky.

Mum died a week and a bit ago.
My sister accused me of awful things after the funeral, had to leave the family gathering before I punched her in the face.
Had yet another blockage that kept me couch bound for 3 days of agony.
The ex has scammed it so I only get $25 a month child support. (get a job, you don't look sick)
Can't afford to pay car rego.

Behind in the rent.
And yesterday I discovered that some mongrel has been through my garage, while I was at home, and they stolen my bloody petrol can, so I can't mow the lawn.
The boyfriend has backed off, too much reality for him. He's depressed.

I figure things can only go up from here.

I'm pissed off just reading about what's been happening to you lately!!!!!!!

I'm truly sorry about you losing your Mum. The rest of the folks sound like jerks and you don't need them anyway!

Ditto Pinky ..... so sorry you have had to deal with all that crap on top of the usual bit we need to adapt to ... keep smiling if you can,
Rach xxx

Stay strong Janice!

Go Wookie!

Things will get better jjjnettie. Positive thoughts equal better......shit, positive stuff. Please, get that mind rolling in the positive direction. It's not that hard. Give it a try!