Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates Support | Friendship | Relationships 21,252 members

Gets in the way!

Talk to people who understand you Sign up today - for many, our community has been a life-changing experience.
Wed May 22, 2013 12:27 pm
Not all men are jerks, just like not all women are jerks. I don't know if I've been lucky or what, but I've never had a guy care about my ostomy. When I tell them (and I always do it in a lighthearted way so that it's clear that it's not a big deal to me and therefore shouldn't be a big deal to them), they always ask these two questions:

1) sooooo, you have a bag of poop on your side? (me: if I don't empty it, yes) and
2) does your vag still work?  Wink

I heard this awhile back and fully believe it: Any guy who walks away from you simply because of an ostomy is not a real man, and has no place in your life.

C.
Wed May 22, 2013 8:52 pm
I just want to back up CKNC on this one. I've been intimate with three men since I had my illeostomy, and each one asked:


a) What is that?
b) Does it hurt?
c) Can you still have sex?
d) (one guy asked this) Can it explode if we go deep sea diving. I said "Not if I empty it first " =)

And then each one went on their own quest with YouTube and Google to find out exactly what it was, and if they could hurt it by accident by throwing me around the bedroom.

They can't hurt it. Wink

Thanks CKNC, more people need to know - there is nothing to be afraid of.
Sat Jun 01, 2013 6:03 pm
HAHAHA fantastic does your vag still work i would say hell No it never worked a day in its life as Im not a hooker and poor ole vag dont get paid LMAO  Good luck and its great to know its best not to freak others out if we keep the sense of humour people wont see you as an osty but a person cheers loved the read Mooza aust..
Sun Jun 02, 2013 8:56 pm
                                 
mooza wrote:
HAHAHA fantastic does your vag still work i would say hell No it never worked a day in its life as Im not a hooker and poor ole vag dont get paid LMAO  Good luck and its great to know its best not to freak others out if we keep the sense of humour people wont see you as an osty but a person cheers loved the read Mooza aust..


hah Smile I like that about the working bit!! I'm going to remember that one!
Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:47 pm

I have had my bladder removed as I have a I leal conduit with wee bag also I have a permanent colostomy.  due to nerve compression low spine. Once u have ur bladder removed u can't get a erecting.  With me with my spinal injury I can't feel much in that area I am now disabled. But I have proved the wrong I can still walk with a stick my right side is weak but I get around. All my stuff could have been avoided I got a huge compensation. But my life as been turned up side down. I will get worse as I age I am 56 now.

Sat Nov 01, 2014 6:34 pm

i havnt had any intermate moments since iv had my stoma,

and i dont think i will again,  icouldnt even imagin telling a man i had a bag, 

so sister leah for me from now on, lol

leah x

Fri Nov 21, 2014 10:19 am

Leah!! Unacceptable :)

Please don't let your bag stop you from being intimate with someone. You deserve happiness and freedom after what you have already been thru. Be brave, and be confident that most real men don't care you have some extra tummy packaging.

its scary as hell getting the information out of your mouth, but when they are good men and react by being more gentle with you, and doing background research so they understand your situation - well you just end up wanting that man more than ever. And thats a good place to be. Please don't nun yourself up ;)

Fri Nov 21, 2014 2:49 pm

Jesus i cant keep up with my girlfriend hahahhaha

Sat Nov 22, 2014 12:31 pm

Oh poor Liam, stop your complaining, we normal people don't want to hear about your escapades.

......................................................................

Good for you keep it up cool

 

Sat Nov 22, 2014 3:55 pm

surprisedI do, I do!!

just kidding..

 

sort of.. LOLwink

Tue Nov 25, 2014 8:52 pm

Hey Liam,

Guess your post, of which I was informed, didn't meet certain criteria, since it "doesn't exist", and admin must have deleted it.

Poor Agnoka, is missing out on the exitement.

But I'm glad that you can keep (it) up.

Cheers, Ed

Thu Nov 27, 2014 8:55 am

your sex life is only affected if you let it affect you.. all you need to do is.. empty your bag before you go on the job and pretend its not even their... a understanding partner wont even care.. never has affected me and never will not going to brag but i tell them before i have sex that i have it and to be honest 9/10 dont even bat a eyelid.. a problem only occurs when you lighten the problem.. if you act confident and arrogant then they dont see a problem TRUST ME!

Sat Nov 29, 2014 11:33 am
liamcupra wrote:

your sex life is only affected if you let it affect you.. all you need to do is.. empty your bag before you go on the job and pretend its not even their... a understanding partner wont even care.. never has affected me and never will not going to brag but i tell them before i have sex that i have it and to be honest 9/10 dont even bat a eyelid.. a problem only occurs when you lighten the problem.. if you act confident and arrogant then they dont see a problem TRUST ME!


And that is a life lesson. Well said you arrogant s.o.b. lol

wink

Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:27 pm

i know exactly how you feel

Sat Jan 31, 2015 5:52 am

Stop supporting chelsea :P thats stressfull enough! ;)

Sat Apr 11, 2015 9:56 pm

Try the osteo wrap -- they are wonderful and also the newest Mio one - it tucks up into itself  also wide tape works beautifully 

Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:59 am

I fold the bag in half, then wrap a Tensor bandage around my torso... It's close to flesh coloured (for me) and keeps everything secured, no matter what kind of acrobatics we get into... ;)

Wed May 20, 2015 12:33 pm

Hi their I have had a real problem with fistulas in my day.Which led to many 15 or 16 operations. And two of them because my stomach blew apart because of to many operations. And the first operation I sneezed and ripped open the stich especially.  And they had to leave it the way it was. So my stomach is a deformed mess of scars with two ostòmys on it. So what I do is were a ostòmy belt clock the pouch over to the side a bit. Then put the clip on the pouch under the belt. And if you still need to keep it there. Tie it with an elastic band around the clip to the belt. Let me know how it works for you.                                 Bill 

Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:39 am

Hi everyone, Im new to the site and just catching up on the posts. 

Tarababy you are sooo right! 

In my experience I have dated for years with a colostomy bag and believe me if things start hotting up, telling the new guy at the last minute helps rather than telling him too early and expecting he will run a mile. 

If a guy shows any hesitancy its probably because he dosnt know what is OK and what is uncomfortable for you. In all my dates I never had a bad experience.  I think that is because taking the time to pick the right type of guy helps enormously.

Ive even been to a sex party! - dress the right way and you can get away with anything.  Get out and enjoy life!

Thu Dec 05, 2019 3:49 pm

I use Coloplast Sensura pouches.  They have a small Velcro strip half way up the bag.  Works really well!

 

Mon Mar 16, 2020 5:53 pm
dcrazy wrote:
                             
drkknight wrote:
Hi,

First post on here so, please be gentle.  I was wondering has anyone found a way of keeping that darn bag out of the way when they are having on of thier most intimate moments?  I've used techniques such as holding it under a t-shirt ect...  What do you do?  It just plain can get in the way sometimes...

thanks in advance



Lol.........I am only sayin that cause I used the same thing, tuck under shirt. Try using a smaller bag, and putting in horizontally, instead of vertical. Use some tape to hold it in place, this should do the trick. Tucking under shirt will make you self conscience of it popping out. This way, it will allow for mutiple positions.


If you hang it vertically won't it fall as it fills and crease and just hang there on your abdomen? I am curious too. The sound the bag makes makes me feel like a grown-up wearing a diaper which is really distracting from making me feel anything close to sexual or sexy. My b.f. doesn't care but I really am affected by the bag.

Mon Mar 16, 2020 5:56 pm
Anonymous wrote:
I just want to back up CKNC on this one. I've been intimate with three men since I had my illeostomy, and each one asked:


a) What is that?
b) Does it hurt?
c) Can you still have sex?
d) (one guy asked this) Can it explode if we go deep sea diving. I said "Not if I empty it first " =)

And then each one went on their own quest with YouTube and Google to find out exactly what it was, and if they could hurt it by accident by throwing me around the bedroom.

They can't hurt it. Wink

Thanks CKNC, more people need to know - there is nothing to be afraid of.


That is really nice that guys are understanding and don't mind. It is still all new to me only 9 wks post op and I find my confidence in my sexuality has taken a massive blow. My b.f. doesn't mind it at all. he sees it as what saved my life and is grateful for it.

Mon Mar 16, 2020 6:04 pm
tarababy wrote:
Hi Tony, yeah I'm with You, once I got those mini shower caps there was no looking back..I use your method when working..as I'm standing and walking all morning, so easier that way..but careful when it fills...for me it looks like a have a nice package for someone...lmao..later guys and good luck..Tarababy


Tarababy- I am new with just 2 months in with ileostomy surgery. I am crazy, stupid in love with my boyfriend. I was really scared to have sex after surgery because b4 I had it sex was waaaay too painful to keep doing. I have lost alot of confidence in my sexuality since the surgery even though my bf desires me just as much. He's just happy that I didn't die and am going to be feeling better.

I tried sex after getting advice here on Ostomates. It was fine and actually no pain which is a first in over 25 yrs. But..I'd like to try what you said about the shower cap/bowl/cover. I don't quite understand how you applied it and it held, etc. Can you slow your directions down for me and spell them out a little clearer. I'd be so grateful for some tips for the bedroom.

kahlo

Sun Mar 22, 2020 1:21 pm

Yeah, the bit about taping it up and under the T-shirt like everybody has mentioned is about the only way I'm aware of to get that damn pouch out of the way. You're lucky if you have an intimate partner who doesn't mind. Many civilians-(non-ostomates) are turned off when I mention that I have an ileostomy. Most medical professionals aren't, but everybody else doesn't understand it and just can't deal with it. That's been my experience. So if you're lucky enough to have a partner who doesn't mind, hearty congratulations!!

Fri Jul 24, 2020 3:38 am

Hi, Fred383 here.  Simple solution.  Wear a back brace.  Not an industrial type but as low key as you can find.  Mine is just like a wrap with Velcro.  I also take an anti diarrhea set of pills a couple of hours before an anticipated encounter.  Thus no full bag during intimacy.

* Please, do not post contact information like email, Facebook or Twitter accounts, or phone number. These will be removed by the Administrator.
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Currently online: 7    
3 members & 4 visitors
kmedup (f)