Bag Interference During Intimate Moments - Any Solutions?

Not all men are jerks, just like not all women are jerks. I don't know if I've been lucky or what, but I've never had a guy care about my ostomy. When I tell them (and I always do it in a lighthearted way so that it's clear that it's not a big deal to me and therefore shouldn't be a big deal to them), they always ask these two questions:

1) Sooooo, you have a bag of poop on your side? (Me: If I don't empty it, yes) and
2) Does your vag still work?

I heard this awhile back and fully believe it: Any guy who walks away from you simply because of an ostomy is not a real man, and has no place in your life.

C.

I just want to back up CKNC on this one. I've been intimate with three men since I had my ileostomy, and each one asked:

a) What is that?
b) Does it hurt?
c) Can you still have sex?
d) (One guy asked this) Can it explode if we go deep-sea diving? I said "Not if I empty it first "=)

And then each one went on their own quest with YouTube and Google to find out exactly what it was, and if they could hurt it by accident by throwing me around the bedroom.

They can't hurt it.

Thanks CKNC, more people need to know - there is nothing to be afraid of.

HAHAHA fantastic! Does your vag still work? I would say, "Hell no!" It never worked a day in its life, as I'm not a hooker. And poor ole vag don't get paid. LMAO. Good luck, and it's great to know it's best not to freak others out. If we keep the sense of humor, people won't see you as an osty but a person. Cheers! Loved the read. Mooza Aust.

I have had my bladder removed as I have a ileal conduit with a wee bag. Also, I have a permanent colostomy due to nerve compression in my lower spine. Once you have your bladder removed, you can't get an erection. With me, with my spinal injury, I can't feel much in that area. I am now disabled. But I have proved them wrong; I can still walk with a stick. My right side is weak, but I get around. All of this could have been avoided. I received a huge compensation, but my life has been turned upside down. I will get worse as I age. I am 56 now.

My Ostomy Journey: LeeAnne | Hollister

I haven't had any intimate moments since I've had my stoma,

and I don't think I will again. I couldn't even imagine telling a man I had a bag,

so Sister Leah for me from now on, lol.

Leah x

Leah!! Unacceptable :)

Please don't let your bag stop you from being intimate with someone. You deserve happiness and freedom after what you have already been through. Be brave, and be confident that most real men don't care if you have some extra tummy packaging.

It's scary as hell getting the information out of your mouth, but when they are good men and react by being more gentle with you, and doing background research so they understand your situation - well, you just end up wanting that man more than ever. And that's a good place to be. Please don't nun yourself up ;)

Jesus, I can't keep up with my girlfriend hahahhaha

Oh poor Liam, stop your complaining, we normal people don't want to hear about your escapades.

......................................................................

Good for you, keep it up.

I do, I do!!

Just kidding..

Sort of.. LOL

Hey Liam,

Guess your post, of which I was informed, didn't meet certain criteria, since it "doesn't exist", and admin must have deleted it.

Poor Agnoka, is missing out on the excitement.

But I'm glad that you can keep it up.

Cheers, Ed

Your sex life is only affected if you let it affect you. All you need to do is empty your bag before you go on the job and pretend it's not even there. An understanding partner won't even care. It has never affected me and never will. I'm not going to brag, but I tell them before I have sex that I have it and, to be honest, 9/10 don't even bat an eyelid. A problem only occurs when you lighten the problem. If you act confident and arrogant, then they don't see a problem. Trust me!

And that is a life lesson. Well said, you arrogant S.O.B. LOL

I know exactly how you feel

Stop supporting Chelsea :P That's stressful enough! ;)

Try the Osteo Wrap -- they are wonderful and also the newest Mio one - it tucks up into itself. Also, wide tape works beautifully.

I fold the bag in half, then wrap a Tensor bandage around my torso... It's close to flesh colored (for me) and keeps everything secured, no matter what kind of acrobatics we get into...)

Hi there, I have had a real problem with fistulas in my day, which led to many 15 or 16 operations. And two of them because my stomach blew apart because of too many operations. And the first operation, I sneezed and ripped open the stitch especially. And they had to leave it the way it was. So my stomach is a deformed mess of scars with two ostomies on it. So what I do is wear an ostomy belt, clock the pouch over to the side a bit. Then put the clip on the pouch under the belt. And if you still need to keep it there, tie it with an elastic band around the clip to the belt. Let me know how it works for you. Bill

Hi everyone, I'm new to the site and just catching up on the posts.

Tarababy, you are sooo right!

In my experience, I have dated for years with a colostomy bag and believe me, if things start heating up, telling the new guy at the last minute helps rather than telling him too early and expecting him to run a mile.

If a guy shows any hesitancy, it's probably because he doesn't know what is okay and what is uncomfortable for you. In all my dates, I never had a bad experience. I think that is because taking the time to pick the right type of guy helps enormously.

I've even been to a sex party! - Dress the right way and you can get away with anything. Get out and enjoy life!

I use Coloplast Sensura pouches. They have a small Velcro strip halfway up the bag. Works really well!

If you hang it vertically, won't it fall as it fills and crease and just hang there on your abdomen? I am curious too. The sound the bag makes makes me feel like a grown-up wearing a diaper, which is really distracting from making me feel anything close to sexual or sexy. My b.f. doesn't care, but I really am affected by the bag.

That is really nice that guys are understanding and don't mind. It is still all new to me, only 9 weeks post-op, and I find my confidence in my sexuality has taken a massive blow. My boyfriend doesn't mind it at all. He sees it as what saved my life and is grateful for it.

Tarababy - I am new with just 2 months in with ileostomy surgery. I am crazy, stupid in love with my boyfriend. I was really scared to have sex after surgery because before I had it, sex was way too painful to keep doing. I have lost a lot of confidence in my sexuality since the surgery, even though my boyfriend desires me just as much. He's just happy that I didn't die and am going to be feeling better.

I tried sex after getting advice here on Ostomates. It was fine and actually no pain, which is a first in over 25 years. But... I'd like to try what you said about the shower cap/bowl/cover. I don't quite understand how you applied it and it held, etc. Can you slow your directions down for me and spell them out a little clearer? I'd be so grateful for some tips for the bedroom.

Kahlo

Yeah, the bit about taping it up and under the T-shirt like everybody has mentioned is about the only way I'm aware of to get that damn pouch out of the way. You're lucky if you have an intimate partner who doesn't mind. Many civilians (non-ostomates) are turned off when I mention that I have an ileostomy. Most medical professionals aren't, but everybody else doesn't understand it and just can't deal with it. That's been my experience. So if you're lucky enough to have a partner who doesn't mind, hearty congratulations!!

Hi, Fred383 here. Simple solution. Wear a back brace. Not an industrial type but as low key as you can find. Mine is just like a wrap with Velcro. I also take an anti-diarrhea set of pills a couple of hours before an anticipated encounter. Thus, no full bag during intimacy.

In Australia, we are issued two support belts a year. They are not belts per se, but they are actually quite comfortable to wear. I would put mine on when being intimate, as my J-pouch failed. They damaged my man parts, so I just dream about the good old days. (drkknight)

Sheep?
Yes, that takes me to my first job learning to be a shepherd.

One night we were out shepherding some sheep down into the valley

where they were grazing. My shepherd, who I was learning from, told me

we are going to run down the hill, catch a sheep each, and fix it.

I asked, "Why do we have to run?"

He told me, "You don't want an ugly one, do you?"

I wear a Stealth Belt 24 hours a day. It keeps the bag flat against your body so it doesn't flop around, and it really helps to avoid leaks. Just look up Stealth Belt on Google. They're pricey though. Since I have an ileostomy with watery output, I use a vertical Stealth Belt.

Stealth Belt makes many decorative belts

Where do you buy one of these bags?