Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates 20,295 members

Dating. Or not.. with a colostomy

Posted by Bill, on Sat Nov 17, 2018 4:10 pm

Hello dls. Now that's what I call a 'realistic' perspective!

Best wishes

Bill

dls
Reply by dls, on Sat Nov 17, 2018 6:54 pm

Thanks, Bill...there is genius in this womanly (too fat) body.  Really, circa 2017 w/chemo and radiation I only scored 

141 Ouch!  It has come back to my usual 160 as I heal and respect my body.

Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Nov 18, 2018 5:25 am

Dis and Bill

That IS a realistic perspective.  I've come to the same conclusion in the last year and a half since my surgery.  I haven't dated since then and I'm not sure I will again.  If I do, talk of my ostomy will be on a strictly "need to know" basis..if I ever get to that point with anyone.  For now...for me...I'm just not going to worry about it any more.  There are way more important things in life than worrying about that.  Thanks for your feedback.

Linda

Reply by looking forward, on Fri Dec 21, 2018 8:06 pm

hi nice to see you again. it has been 3 weeks now and i am tired and still depressed. i recently met someone and we enjoyed each others company. when do i mention the ostomy????

dls
Reply by dls, on Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:31 am

Hi weirdnewlife, How long have you been seeing him?  I'm still extremely depressed, and in this situation, I would not be a happy companion.  I cannot speak for you, but three weeks at my best is't enough time for me.  How much really personal info has he exchanged with you? He may have a plate in his head, or a bladder problem...you never know unless he tells you. Again I can only speak for myself, but unless intimacy is a glaring probablity, I'd just keep the relatilonship going and enjoy each others' company--you'll get to know him.  Three weeks in my world is far away from sex.  Really far.  Good luck for me at three MONTHS (and that's too soon for me, even with my new plumbing).

Everyone is different, so do whatever you want sexually, but, as you are still depressed would you be able to handle his rejection or aborrance?  You don't want to fine yourself deeper in depression if rejected.  We depressed need to be loved and adored with no baggage or excuses.

I don't know if Ive been any help, as I can only apeak from my perspective.  Also, I do have a low libido so sex is not high on my list of things to do.  My main message is to take care of yourself: your emotional state (depression), your body image (your new plumbing), your ability to deal with failure, and even scarier--success. Let me know how it goes--you can message me and I could learn something.

Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sat Dec 22, 2018 2:01 pm

Hi dis,

Your letter was a good one, but I'm not the one who posted the question.  It was posted by Looking Forward.  I'm not depressed and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment.  Hopefully Looking Forward will read your letter.  Otherwise, I'd send it to her personally.  I sent her a private letter as well, pretty much saying the same thing you did.

Weirdnewlife

aka Linda

* Please, do not post contact information like email, Facebook or Twitter accounts, or phone number. These will be removed by the Administrator.
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Currently online: 19    
2 members & 17 visitors
fsp101 (m)