When and how to disclose a colostomy while dating?

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This topic discusses the best timing and approach for disclosing a colostomy to a potential romantic partner.
Bill

Hello dls. Now that's what I call a 'realistic' perspective!

Best wishes

Bill

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dls

Thanks, Bill... there is genius in this womanly (too fat) body. Really, circa 2017 with chemo and radiation I only scored

141. Ouch! It has come back to my usual 160 as I heal and respect my body.

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Past Member

Dis and Bill

That is a realistic perspective. I've come to the same conclusion in the last year and a half since my surgery. I haven't dated since then and I'm not sure I will again. If I do, talk of my ostomy will be on a strictly "need to know" basis..if I ever get to that point with anyone. For now...for me...I'm just not going to worry about it any more. There are way more important things in life than worrying about that. Thanks for your feedback.

Linda

looking forward

Hi, nice to see you again. It has been 3 weeks now, and I am tired and still depressed. I recently met someone, and we enjoyed each other's company. When do I mention the ostomy?

dls

Hi weirdnewlife, how long have you been seeing him? I'm still extremely depressed, and in this situation, I would not be a happy companion. I cannot speak for you, but three weeks at my best isn't enough time for me. How much really personal info has he exchanged with you? He may have a plate in his head or a bladder problem...you never know unless he tells you. Again, I can only speak for myself, but unless intimacy is a glaring probability, I'd just keep the relationship going and enjoy each other's company--you'll get to know him. Three weeks in my world is far away from sex. Really far. Good luck for me at three months (and that's too soon for me, even with my new plumbing).

Everyone is different, so do whatever you want sexually, but as you are still depressed, would you be able to handle his rejection or abhorrence? You don't want to find yourself deeper in depression if rejected. We depressed need to be loved and adored with no baggage or excuses.

I don't know if I've been any help, as I can only speak from my perspective. Also, I do have a low libido, so sex is not high on my list of things to do. My main message is to take care of yourself: your emotional state (depression), your body image (your new plumbing), your ability to deal with failure, and even scarier--success. Let me know how it goes--you can message me and I could learn something.

 
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Past Member

Hi dis,

Your letter was a good one, but I'm not the one who posted the question. It was posted by Looking Forward. I'm not depressed and I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. Hopefully Looking Forward will read your letter. Otherwise, I'd send it to her personally. I sent her a private letter as well, pretty much saying the same thing you did.

Weirdnewlife

Aka Linda

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