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Acceptance

Posted by Angelicamarie

My trip to New Jersey woke me up to many things. I couldn't understand why I was so emotional. Now I know.  During my trip I got a chance to see the house that I grew up in from a baby to an adult. Although the elders are gone, their memories were still alive. How can one move forward when you keep pushing memories further in and never deal with them?

When my bag fills, usually the feeling of it's enlargement alerts me. But on one particular morning it didn't. When I woke up my bag was completed filled to the brim. As I got up, I cupped the bag trying to make it to the bathroom . Unfortuately I didn't make it and poop went everywhere! I felt awful. Initially, I cleaned up with rags and then mopped. My cousin Glady encouraged me by her understanding and thougthful comments. She said, "Ang you made a mistake but always remember, that stoma saved your life." Not that I didn't know that but I needed to hear it from someone else! You see, we look in the mirror everyday and see an image starring back at us. But the truth or the story is somtimes buried. In my cause, this was defitenly true.

So I had to dig deep to deal with my issues and let the little angel side of me go. I had to accept the ugliness I had previously experienced in life and had to deal with the now! I had not fully accepted the ostomy. After facing all the things that were buried inside, I had to deal with my life changing situation. No more looking at my ostomy as an enemy.  I didn't ask for this it just happened. My ostomy is in fact a part of my being. Yes I will continue to have accidents from time to time but I will accept it for what it is. Have you dug deep and looked at your inner self? Ask yourself, "have I really accepted and embraced what's actually keeping me alive." As stated earlier, I have. I hope and pray that you do too. When you do, you can and will be a better you. Live yor Life!

Resectively yours,

Angelicamarie 

See all blogs by Angelicamarie
Comments:
xnine : Another great blog. I do not get as mad as I did in the beginning when something happens. It is not my stoma's fault.
Angelicamarie : 1st thank you for responding to my blog, no itis not your stomas fault nor is it yours. It just happened! Have a great dayX!!
Bill : Hello Angelicamarie. Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts. This time on a subject that we sometimes let slide into out sub consciousness without giving it due consideration. In my own case, many of these thoughts were part of the process of coming to the realisation that I needed the surgery, which was elective, rather than forced upon me. Thus, I am happy with my decision to have the stoma, no matter what other problems it throws up. It must be much harder for those who end up with a stoma without having the time to think it through beforehand and have to work out the pros and cons whilst dealing with the practicalities of something they did not ask for or want. Best wishes Bill
Angelicamarie : Bill, thanks for responding to acceptance, appreciate your comments. Have a great day.. angelicamarie
Primeboy : Well said, Ange. The stoma is a small price to pay for staying alive. PB
Angelicamarie : Hi primeboy, thanks for responding, and you comment was well appreciated but so true! Angelicamarie
LadyHope : This is a thoughtful, thought provoking blog. Thank you for your words of wisdon. I was feeling down the other day about my ostomy and my life. My life is not terrible, just different than it used to be. Having an ostomy humbled me to how fragile life really is. My stoma saved my life. This is the time of the year five years ago when the wheels began to fall off and my health declined rapidly. What makes me sad is the medical profession. I felt many of the experts ignored my pleas for help. I was just rushed through the system, pay the co-pay and move on. The other day, I received a reminder notice from a GI to schedule my colonoscopy... are you kidding me? The doctor's office who sent the letter was the doctor who screwed things up in my early days of fighting UC. I wanted to call the office but decided what difference does it really make. They did not care then and all they care about is a procedure to bill insurance and collect money. They do not care now. I am stuck holding the bag of tricks.... LOL. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent and thank you Angelicamarie for this post. I continue to remind myself of gratitude and hope. Tomorrow is full of promise and today is a gift that I may not have experienced had I not opted for life saving ostomy surgery. Sincerely, LH
Angelicamarie : LadyHope, truly I understand what your saying, nor is mines terrible but yes so different!! That's what this site is about venting right? The medical professionals are not all bad , but yes I do agree that the majority of them is all about the dollar sad, but true. Yes each day is a gift that some of us never see so I'm blessed as you are to see today! I always keep in mind what you you say! I live for today and hope for tomorrow.. thanks for commenting, and have a great evening !! Angelicamarie
Bill : Hello Ladyhope. Thanks for your post, which I felt I would comment on because over here in the UK the health service is not motivated by insurance claims etc. Yet we still seem to have those who appear to care and those who don't. I refused to go back to the hospital where they screwed up and my GP was immediately understanding and sent me to an alternative hospital where they were completely different and so much better in their attitudes and approach. I just thought I would share this as an alternative perspective. Best wishes Bill
LadyHope : Thanks Bill for your comment. I really appreciate it. Yes, it is a shame that some medical professionals really care yet others... it is just a job. I have some lovely doctors in my life network today and am very blessed. I am grateful for these last 5 years too. Take care and have a wonderful weekend. It is gorgeous here in the States (PA) sunny and 78 degrees.... perfect for Fall. Take care. Sincerely, LH
scorsby : A great Blog, beautifully thought out and something we can all relate to. Very thought provoking. A nice piece of writing. John
Angelicamarie : Thanks for responding scorsby , appreciate your comments!! Have a pleasant weekend! Angelicamariie
stolencolen : Great story Angelica, thanks for sharing. How long have you had this issue ? I've been living with it for 38 years now and still don't really accept it.
Angelicamarie : G’afternoon , stolencolon thanks for the comments on my story. I assume when you ask how long? Do you mean the ostomy? I’m A babe, I only had mines 3 years. 38 years is a quite a long time. Thanks for sharing! Angelicamarie
stolencolen : The ones I've seen online look better than mine. Mine shows it's age, I think?
Angelicamarie : Hey stolencolon, are you referring to the ostomy? Why do you think yours show its age? It is still working, your are alive .. Have a pleasant evening! Angelicamarie
stolencolen : Thanks, yeah my skin is sensitive to all of those acids and adhesives
Angelicamarie : Stolencolen, I'm sorry to here that so what do you do? Angelicamarie
stolencolen : Dove moisturizing soap and aquaphor work best for me. Also a swim in the pool or preferably the ocean helps a lot. My main issue is those damn 3M pads. The sticky part destroys my skin. To combat that, ill just cover the stoma with a flushable wipe from walmart and a piece of paper towel or a face cloth. Long baths also work but its hard to find the time for that.
Angelicamarie : Stolencolen, G’morning we have got away from the topic of the blog, are u a full member? Perhaps i could send u a message!