My trip to New Jersey woke me up to many things. I couldn't understand why I was so emotional. Now I know. During my trip I got a chance to see the house that I grew up in from a baby to an adult. Although the elders are gone, their memories were still alive. How can one move forward when you keep pushing memories further in and never deal with them?
When my bag fills, usually the feeling of it's enlargement alerts me. But on one particular morning it didn't. When I woke up my bag was completed filled to the brim. As I got up, I cupped the bag trying to make it to the bathroom . Unfortuately I didn't make it and poop went everywhere! I felt awful. Initially, I cleaned up with rags and then mopped. My cousin Glady encouraged me by her understanding and thougthful comments. She said, "Ang you made a mistake but always remember, that stoma saved your life." Not that I didn't know that but I needed to hear it from someone else! You see, we look in the mirror everyday and see an image starring back at us. But the truth or the story is somtimes buried. In my cause, this was defitenly true.
So I had to dig deep to deal with my issues and let the little angel side of me go. I had to accept the ugliness I had previously experienced in life and had to deal with the now! I had not fully accepted the ostomy. After facing all the things that were buried inside, I had to deal with my life changing situation. No more looking at my ostomy as an enemy. I didn't ask for this it just happened. My ostomy is in fact a part of my being. Yes I will continue to have accidents from time to time but I will accept it for what it is. Have you dug deep and looked at your inner self? Ask yourself, "have I really accepted and embraced what's actually keeping me alive." As stated earlier, I have. I hope and pray that you do too. When you do, you can and will be a better you. Live yor Life!