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Not Always Okay

Posted by Lilmesican

I had my surgery on April 1, 2016, April Fool's Day. Each time I tell the story I mention how I was hoping the doctor would come out an tell me it was a joke. That I didn't need the surgery... Psyche!!! That didn't happen. 

After complications with radiation for anal cancer a colostomy was the better option. It was the best decision. It has made my life better. I would have been wearing diapers for rest of my life. IT WAS A GOOD DECISION.

Why doesn't always feel that way?

There are still days when I get out of shower and look in the mirror and feel broken. Not that the surgery slowed me down. The opposite, i'm busier than ever. Growing professionally. LIFE IS GOOD.I

I am grateful. I am blessed. I am succeeding. I AM PERFECT.

I am also okay admiting that not everyday feels perfect. I am also okay not pretending that it is. I'M NOT ALWAYS OKAY.

 

 

 

 

See all blogs by Lilmesican
Comments:
xnine : It is OK to not be OK. Some days are just harder than others. Just something I received on Facebook that caught my eye. From an old blog of mine May 12, 2020
Maried : Remember your ostomy is only a small part of what you are and just enjoy life. I have had mine many years it was strange in the beginning and this has been my new normal and I agree far better then pooping in your pants!!! May 12, 2020
aprangn : I feel Ya. However, I love road trips without having to sit on nasty public toilets, etc... May 12, 2020
lovely : Like xnine said it is OK to not be OK sometimes. I think a lot of us feel that way at times. It may not be the ideal situation but it is better than the alternative. Just hang in there and stay safe. May 12, 2020
warrior : to be able to put yourself out there and make these comments show that you are in fact ok dude. strong brave . dont kid yourself. u did good. u look good. u know some days youre the hydrant... when other days youre the dog. get it? :) May 12, 2020
Lilmesican : Thank you so much for all the kind words. I've learned in my almost 50 years that feelings and emotions will come and go. I'm working on a series of interviews with other ostomates. If you are interested in telling your story or being part of a panel get in touch. danielggarza@lilmesicanproductions.com :) Jun 06, 2020
Padfoot : Hey Lilmesican, I’m sorry I’m replying so late to this! I don’t know how I missed this blog. What you said about hoping it wouldn’t happen just resonates so much with me. When I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer, one of the first questions I asked was “Will I have to have a colostomy?” I didn’t like the surgeon’s answer, even though she was very kind about it. All through my treatment, I kept hoping that the tumour would disappear and I wouldn’t have to wear a bag. No such luck! I had to face reality. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, and I’m not really sure I have, entirely. So, don’t feel that you have to be “OK” all the time. You have been through a lot, and you are entitled to feel whatever you need to feel. You will never come to terms with it if you pretend to be OK, and that wouldn’t be fair to you in any way. It does get better, though. Just be your authentic self, and know that you are more than the sum of your body parts. Like Warrior said, you are brave for taking the risk to put your thoughts and feelings on this site - not everyone can do that. I am so glad that you did. Laurie Jun 26, 2020


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