Meet & talk to fellow OstoMates Support | Friendship | Relationships

The Single Ostomate

Posted by suzielebrocq

The Single Ostomate


If you are single, you have a bit more of a challenge. Dating is hard enough when you have little or nothing serious in your past. But now, you have a medical past that has affected your body, mind and spirit. It can take some grit to overcome your anxieties about being with a new partner with your new body and the new you.

The single ostomate is a stranger to their body, just like a partnered ostomate. The fear of exposing this new body to a new lover is unrelenting, especially when you are getting used to it yourself. If this is you, a single ostomate, keep your chin up. Even though thoughts like these are uppermost in your mind, they don’t have to be forever. Take back control of your life. Don’t live in fear of your ostomy.

When you do start dating again, and you will, there is no right or wrong time to tell your love interest about your medical history. You have a history, and that doesn’t define you. But you don’t have to be in a hurry to reveal this part of yourself.

Take time to get to know them first and let them get to know you. Dating has never been easy. Dating with an ostomy is even harder. That said, some partners find that a person who has been through so much and is standing tall and living their life as a survivor is just the kind of partner they want!

If you want to find love, you have to reconcile the new you and appreciate all you have been through and overcome.

Once you love the person you see, others will start to, too. Find a partner who loves the changes in you because they make you feel so much more of a person.

No one else was able to take the journey you took, only you know what it was like, and only you know the pieces of your heart that were touched every time you were handled and prodded by the experts making you well again.

There is a loneliness there though…and a fear. A fear that is very real. It takes a very special person to recognize what you have been through. They may never completely understand it unless they have been through what you have been through.

But someone will get you. They will see you for what you are: a person that has been challenged, overcome and regained.

As a result, you are even more beautiful. A person who can fight like you have and then stand up to the world and put yourself back out there is the most desirable partner there is.

Respect yourself and demand attention from the kind of partner that can not only handle the strong warrior that you are, but who can revel in it. Whilst you may not believe it, there are partners who think that someone who has done all that you have done and who has come out fighting are more desirable that any other person out there. Fine someone who is smart, confident and wise enough to let you shine.

See all blogs by suzielebrocq
Comments:
May 28, 2021
Ea5ygoing : If only it was true
May 28, 2021
veejay : Yes....if only all that was true and THAT EASY!

There are some of us who prefer to live in the real world.

V.J.
May 28, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
I do like the things you write and the the advice you give seems sound and well thought out. Thus, these things are likely to work for many people who try them. My comments are not meant as criticisms and I very much appreciate the things you write. However, as has been hinted at by your respondents, sometimes these things simply don't work and the individuals are left to contemplate their fate alone. Adjusting to adverse circumstances when they are unlikely to change for the better is much harder than being continuously optimistic about the 'possible' prospect of a brighter future. This is especially so when what is much more 'probable', is that circumstances will stay the same, or get worse.
My own writing tends to reflect this unfortunate 'reality' of life and is subsequently not so comforting and hopeful as yours. However, because it rings true with those who are 'stuck-in-the muck' it can sometimes help them to readjust to their situations.
I look forward to reading many more of your posts.

Best wishes
Bill



May 28, 2021
veejay : You've done it again Bill.....another brilliant reply!

As you English say.....Cheers????

V.J.
May 28, 2021
suzielebrocq : This is really great feedback guys thanks. I tend to write from a more optimistic viewpoint yes, and I generally write from my own personal view point - so I was not single as an ostomate. Would some of you be willing to share your experiences with me on dating as a single ostomate so I can understand better? It also begs the question - is it different for men and women do you think? Bill - maybe we can write the next one together !!!!!
May 28, 2021
suzielebrocq : Cheers !!!
May 28, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
Thank you so much for the invitation to collaborate in the writing. This is unlikely on the subject of dating for single ostomates as I have no experience in this field. I am not sure how my amateurish rhyming verse would sit alongside your brilliant prose.
I did once collaborate with an artist who painted pictures of social issues and invited me to explain them in verse. I quite enjoyed this challenge and the opportunity to express the emotions that motivated the fine-art.
Best wishes
Bill
May 29, 2021
Satsuma7 : I myself fluctuate from the positive of dating is hard but someone is out there for everyone and it’s quite a challenge to find someone we hi can appreciate all you have survived. I’m truly thankful that I have been able to have extra data to live my life and experienced the humiliation of having an explosion while on a date with someone I barely knew. So while I could laugh about it later, the shock of it curtains my “getting out there” for a while now. And of course the pandemic. Hope I gather the nerve to try again soon lol.

I made it thru cancer AND eventually colostomy surgery with grit, humor and gratefulness but dating seems a bit more formidable sometimes.

Best to all
May 30, 2021
nelnikhaily : Nice 2 hear from Ian medical doctor from egypt .I have colostomy since 35 years I use convatec products
Sep 17, 2021
Just me 45 : Very well said....yes no one really knows what we all have been through...I live in a very small town and no one really over here....since the Covid it makes it less appealing to try and find someone...I agree start out as friends and if that works out then onto a gentle kindness love hopefully ........seems like I have this on going affair with the bathroom and makes me feel insecure if I am out and about...that is why I don't eat if I have a doctors appt. or what ever and some appointments could be later in the day so I go without eating for hours on hours...then get home and eat a little more than need but am starving...can't ever enjoy lunch with a friend or dinner out..those days are long gone..after operation and the second one to remove the pouch doctor or nurse never told me this will still go on...and my core being cut up...good thing clothes hide all of that.....anyway I would like to meet some nice man but really not looking, just enjoy each day and happy to be alive...I think God every day for all my blessings....

I did enjoy your story...we can all get something from each special person on this site.....thank you for sharing and may God be with you....Susan
Sep 17, 2021
amydeidre.batori : What an eloquent hand you have! I got my 1st ostomy at age 7, then another at 32. I so appreciate your message to the single ostomate. I am her and I'm sure there are many others in that club. You clearly have compassion, integrity, and strength. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.


Currently online: 37    
3 members & 34 visitors