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Wounded But Not Broken

Posted by suzielebrocq

Sometimes my fallibility and humanness catch me unaware. Being chronically sick for so long, was such a source of shame that at times I don’t allow myself to feel. It is only when my body says ‘enough’ that my brain follows suit and recognizes it is time to stop.

Can you relate?

Oftentimes I will go back to my story and remind myself where I have come from, and where I hope to go. It scares me to think of what I went through and how disconnected I can be from my body. I felt that my body betrayed me, so having an intimate relationship with something so cruel doesn’t make sense.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s great ‘doing life,’ rushing from a to b and forgetting the pain and hardship I’ve experienced. Why dwell on a time in my life that was difficult? I never wanted to be seen as a victim, so it is hard to acknowledge that at times I was, and still am.

I tried hard to hide behind the mystique of ‘being fine’ .. actually ..‘better than fine’ so at times I forget what it is like to not be fine, to not be ok .. to be tired, to ache and to feel sad.

Telling my story is a way for me to heal and I hope help others heal. It is a way to connect with my body and allow my mind to wonder.

There is a level of discomfort in being so open and vulnerable to the world; but I don’t want to live in the shame that I felt being so sick, for so long, simply surviving with an ostomy. I am a survivor, but I am also a thriver (wow .. that is actually harder than I thought it would be to say (today))

I think I am not alone in struggling to be human. I imagine many others with an ostomy feel the same. I know others who suffer from chronic illness wake up some days, and simply roll over and go back to sleep.

I also know it gets better. I guess that is why I am doing this. To connect to someone … out there …. who has felt the same. Maybe commonality, a shared experience will allow us both to heal. Maybe someone reading my struggles with recognise it is ok to have theirs. I felt so alone at times, so confused, so lost that I just wanted someone to reach out, take my hand in theirs and never let go.

Take a moment with me. Place your right hand under you left arm pit and place your left hand on your right shoulder. Breathe. In through the nose, hold for 5 seconds and out through the mouth. As you breathe in, fill your lungs with a happy memory or thought. Hold that though, then as you breathe out, push out a negative memory or thought. Hold / Hug yourself in a blanket of self- compassion and love. Nurture yourself in this moment and remind yourself that you are human.

I maybe wounded but I am not broken.

See all blogs by suzielebrocq
Jun 25, 2021
HenryM : Reading what you've written here reminds me of me long ago. My surgery was in '64. You're going to be okay.
Jun 25, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
I can definitely relate to your post and the reasons for writing one's thoughts down. I tend to do it in rhyming verse but it seems that you are not 'unaversed' to doing the same - I quote " I am a survivor, but I am also a thriver". I will try to use this concept in a verse of my own as soon as I can put my mind to it.
Best wishes
Jun 25, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
Well! I managed to find a few minutes to pen a verse (below) on the concept you so kindly portrayed in your post. You will note that I have not mentioned stomas as the focus of the subject, as it seems to be pertinent to a much wider audience and, at present, I am finishing off a book of rhymes on domestic/covert bullying. Thus, this verse will form a small part of that rhyming discussion.
I acknowledge your contribution and thank you for that.
Best wishes


I feel I am a survivor,
but, more than this, I am a thriver,
for all those things that I endured
have help me grow and so matured.

Bad things can happen in a life,
which will cause misery and strife,
and if you let them get to you
they colour what you think and do.

Yet if you do not run and hide,
but try to take things in your stride,
you'll not get stuck within that hole
but become strong, with self-control.

These beastly, nasty things are not
the only things in life you've got.
So, once you get control of these,
you can do just as you please.

Some people tell me that they feel,
only the ‘physical' is ‘real',
which means they are not on their guard
for mental stuff, which makes it hard.

Of course, the physical can hurt,
but we must always be alert
not only to what is overt,
but to the crap that is covert.

If emotions are suppressed
often people get depressed.
It's healthier to deal with this,
and thus, avoid coming amiss.

If you don't let emotions dive,
there's little doubt you will survive.
Then, you can set you goals and strive
to make sure that you also thrive.

Be Withers 2021
Jun 25, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
I don't like letting good concepts go to waste when they can be recycled and reused for a different cause.
Thanks again for the concept.

Best wishes


While most abusers are not thick
they may-well be described as ‘sick'.
So, victims suffer ‘sickness' and
this concept helps them understand.

Abusers are a blight we fight
because we know it can't be right
for things that harbour malintent
to generate our discontent.

Bullies are like a sickness where
the problem's there, but does not care,
as long as it maintains control
over our body mind and soul.

A sickness, like abusers will
attempt to make their victims ill
and undermine their self-esteem
by bruising them and being mean.

The damage that the two impose
will not be what their victims chose,
but will be alien to them
and something we can all condemn.

When sickness strikes, we take a course
that can identify the source
of the problem, and be sure
it points the way towards a cure.

This is the way that we all strive
to live our lives and to survive
the onslaught of chronicity
and effects of toxicity.

But once we get the hang of it,
we can control this ‘sickness' shit.
It's then we start to feel alive
and suddenly we start to thrive.

Be Withers 2021
Jun 25, 2021
suzielebrocq : This speaks to me: But once we get the hang of it, we can control this ?sickness? shit. It?s then we start to feel alive and suddenly we start to thrive. I told you we would collaborate one day !!!! Thanks again Doc Le Brocq AKA Suzie
Jun 26, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
It's a pleasure to work alongside you to illuminate these concepts. The 'survive and thrive' one deserves a lot more elaboration so here goes with a couple more rhymes:
Best wishes


‘Survive and thrive' is all about
sorting all your problems out,
then finding ways to make a life
free from past troubles and from strife.

Sometimes there is no easy way
to keep past problems all at bay,
but then you need a plan of action
to guide, and act as a distraction.

Productive plans, I often find
are those that fill the active mind
with stuff that seems important to
that inner-side, deep down in you.

Sometimes it helps to make a list
of all those things that make you pissed.
So, you can know what to avoid
and not slip back into that void.

But once that list has been achieved
of all those things that make you peeved,
the next list should be positives
to overlay those negatives.

Write down the things you'd like to do,
and all those things you've wanted to,
then, you resolve to get them done,
patiently, and one by one.

Tick each item as you go
so, in your mind, you'll always know
that you are making progress and
the future lies within your hand.

Each time you score a simple goal
it shows that you are in control,
and life will be as you desire
without the hassle and the mire.

Be Withers 2021


It's not enough, to just survive,
or do the stuff to stay alive.
For, I believe we all should strive
to do our best in life, and thrive.

When trauma hits us in the face,
that is, of course, the time and place
to focus on survival and
make sure we get the upper-hand.

There's lots of things that we can do
so, we survive and we pull through,
depending on the cause of it,
someone will know a cure to fit.

At times when life hangs by a thread
and you feel you are close to dead,
get help from those who know, and friends,
and you will see that first-phase ends.

But once the trauma's over, we
should not ignore PTSD. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
For stress can grow, and be a pain,
to haunt us time and time again.

This stress creeps up on us with stealth,
destroying what is ‘mental-health',
and making everything much worse,
akin to folk-law, gypsy's curse.

PTSD is in the mind,
so, all we need to do is find
a sure cure for this as well
and there are plenty I know well.

Then, once these things are in control,
we can climb out of that dark hole
to live our lives productively
and think much more constructively.

Be Withers 2021
Jun 26, 2021
Bill : Hello Suzie.
My daughter has just written to me to share an experience she had/has with one of her elderly clients, which also fits the 'survive and thrive' concept. So, I will share my rhyme with you to capture her comments.
Best wishes


Sometimes we're lucky and we'll meet
someone who's landed on their feet
by sheer determination and
the fortitude to make a stand.

These people are an inspiration
and without equivocation
deserve our praise and admiration
for their own emancipation.

Anyone, of any age,
can decide to turn that page,
and change their lives from a bad place
to occupy a different space.

But many people don't do this
and find their lives will come amiss
because, whilst they are still alive
they miss the point and fail to thrive.

I know a centenarian
who's an humanitarian
and altruistic in her stance
so, thriving isn't left to chance.

This lady's a pleasure to meet,
as she does not bow to defeat,
but takes life's problems one by one
and makes sure everything gets done.

Manifesting independence
with immense self-confidence,
this lady is a role-model
without a need to molly-coddle.

She's an example to behold
of someone who is brave and bold,
showing that she has survived,
but more than that, she's also thrived.

Be Withers 2021
Jun 27, 2021
suzielebrocq : hey Bill,

If I choose a certain verse would you give me permission to post it to my FB account for my ostomy stuff .. I will or will not credit you depending on your preference ?
Jul 04, 2021
Mojowin : I couldn't get my left hand over to the right shoulder. Does this part matter much?

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