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Today I Lost A Stoma-plug!

Posted by Bill

TODAY I LOST A STOMA PLUG.

For many years I’ve felt quite smug, 
to wear a simple stoma plug, 
and skip the inconvenience  
of the stoma-bag experience. 

Perhaps, for some, I should explain, 
that I found bags could be a pain, 
with all that emptying and stuff 
and so, I’d quickly had enough. 

I learned another way to go,
and switched to irrigation so
I ditched the bags that I had dread,
and wore a stoma-plug instead.

These stoma-plugs are what I’d pick,
because they’ve always done the trick,
by giving me freedom each day
to live my life a ‘normal’ way.

But today, a small disaster struck,
the plug came off and became stuck
deep down inside my stoma hole
and thus, I felt I’d lost control.

When problems such as this arise,
I just sit down and theorise
about how I can overcome
what’s happing in my tummy-bum.

If things are seemingly amiss,
there’s no point panicking, for this
will only add to the drama
and won’t resolve the dilemma.

Despite the fact it may cause harm,
the thing to do, is remain calm,
and contemplate what we can do
to solve the problem and pull through.

                                              (----continued)

 

TODAY I LOST A STOMA PLUG. (-- continued)

I could have called the doctors and
try to make them understand
that these things can come as a shock,
as stoma plugs are meant to block.

But some doctors I’ve come across,
appear that they don’t give a toss
about what harm they’d bring about
whilst trying to get this thing out.

So, this is the main reason why
my preference is DIY,
when it comes down to rectify
those things I can objectify.

The stoma plug seems to have stuck,
within my bowel with other muck
that might, with patience, be propelled
by peristalsis and expelled.

But I would like to eject it
along with all the other shit.
So, why not try to irrigate
to help it circumnavigate.

But as I pour the water in
my mind, it starts a wonderin’,
if this procedure doesn’t work
the doctors will think I’m a burk. (fool)

As I am not the type of guy
to give up stuff before I try,
I continue irrigation
to achieve evacuation.

So, though I lost a plug today,
eventually I found a way
to pressure-wash that plug right out,
and that’s what DIY’s about.

                                       B. Withers 2021

See all blogs by Bill
Comments:
HenryM : Not the usual DIY kind of story. I'm glad you're okay. Apr 07, 2021
Puppyluv56 : Awesome poem Bill! Glad it all worked out for you! Wish they were sold in the USA!
Puppyluv
Apr 07, 2021
Maried : My goodness!! Apr 07, 2021
lovely : I would have though the water would have pushed it further in, glad it didn't. Best wishes and stay safe Apr 07, 2021
Bill : Thanks everyone for your likes and replies to this rhyme.
Lovely: The possibility of pushing the plug further in was just one of the many things that I had to contemplate prior to embarking on this exercise (or should that be 'exorcise'). Anyway, I use an anal catheter tube to irrigate, which is about 9" long. If that didn't push it further in, then I figured that the water should be okay. These sorts of procedures carry enormous risks and are not recommended for the feint-hearted. But people like me tend to weigh in the balance the alternative of having some rookie doctor doing the same sorts of experiments without the advantage of 'feeling' what's going on inside first-hand. This time it worked out fine but other times (with different things) I have not been quite so fortunate.
Obviously, those negative outcomes have not put me off trying again.

Best wishes
Bill
Apr 08, 2021
Red25 : Wow Bill!!
What a great poem, and what a story, uff! glad that plug it’s out!!!
Apr 08, 2021
JudiA : love your poem - my worst disaster was dropping my clip down the outhouse at the campground. no way to get it back, no spare - I found fortunately a rubber band that worked in a pinch! Apr 09, 2021


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