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Ileostomy February 23, 2017. 2017 will be the year no one in my life will ever forget. The year from HELL ... (lol kind of) I have Ulcerative Colitis with abscess. Emptying bags and managing leaks can really bring you down. Just feel dirty and icky. Adjusting to this life is an ongoing process. No one told me that once I had the ileostomy not only would I have to wear the bag, but also wear adult diapers for abscess leaks.. ugh.
I still have Ulcerative Colitis flare ups and then I'm down for the count. I'm glad that I did get to the point where I have good days and my sense of humor is back. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I have a 22 yr old son and an 18 yr old daughter who think I'm hilarious. The rest of my family think I'm pretty funny too, but I think no one thinks I'm as funny as I do. I crack myself up all the time.
That being said, depression can be exhausting, and usually brought on by illness and living situations.
I love to cook and bake, and I'm happy that I am well enough to do those things again.
My illness got so bad that I lost 100 pounds and was severely malnourished. I spent about 60 days in the hospital at the beginning of 2017. I got blood clots, pneumonia, had 4 blood transfusions, incisions busting open, stool from exploding ostomy bag leaking into open wounds... being put on blood thinners which inhibit healing, having to have shots twice a day to regulate blood.... on and on and on. I've never been ill before, no one in my family had been ill like this. I was a walking corpse and strangers in grocery store stared at me... I didn't realize how white and anemic I had gotten. I stopped being able to walk, had to ride scooters at the store, couldn't drive, and needed my kids to help me in and out of the car. I was using a walker an had to have a commode with arms over my toilet so I could get up afterwards. After my surgery, and after being malnourished, I lost all my hair. It's all grey now, I'm over worrying about coloring my hair with everything else to worry about. I could go on, but it's exhausting to just write about it.
I'm hanging in there, but am I living? I'm here for my kids. Right now, that's all I can be.
I've gotten a lot of health back. I was able to start eating again and put some healthy weight back on. With that came strength to walk, drive, cook and light cleaning. My kids and I had to leave Phoenix and move in with my sister and her husband in Maple Valley WA. I could not work, became unemployed, lost my rental house and everything we owned. I never thought I would be in this position at this time in my life. My son has autism, gets SSI and works a part time job, my daughter is a senior in high school and works a part time job, and I'm waiting for SSI. Good Gawd, how does a person get rid of the voice in her head that says "who wants to talk or hang out with someone with ALL THAT going on? How depressing"
It's after 1am here, time to end my novella here.
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