transcend82
member

About

I am a 30 yr old female suffered years of UC,no drugs helped tried all. I finally had an emergency total colectomy 3/29/12 and ileostomy. I had the J pouch created 7/13/12 and still have ileostomy. I have had a few obstructions , which for me the pain from an obstruction is worse than the pain I experienced with the disease itself.I have always been a very active person. I was never home. I exercised religiously . I was working full-time and going to college studying to be a nurse. I tried to do all of this with my UC symptoms. I recall being discharged from the hospital one day and then the next the day I would be at work and class. But my disease had gotten so severe that I was no longer able to leave the house. The pain was unbareable and the vomiting was constant leaving me in sweats and tremors . I was fainting at work and that was a sign I had to stop. Everything changed it was like I stopped living. My days are confined to walls and no more living . At least that's how I view it. Even though I have had these surgeries Im still very limited, the pain is still very bad. I also sufffer from alot of joint and muscle pain.. Doctors are saying its fibromyalgia. In my mind will this ever end. I have gained a little of weight cause of the diet change. I have sought out physical and mental therapy both in my eyes were not helpful. I am really depressed, I am thirty and I have not accomplshed any my of goals and the although there are days that I say to myself that I will accept whatever happens openly and be glad for the little things that are possible that weren't a while ago. There are alot of times that I crash and feel hopeless and sad just very sad and empty . I want to run far away from myself into another body , mind and spirit. I am very good at helping others but when it comes to me I am the worst.I want to live but than I don't .. not like this at least. I have no source of income and the stress of life is getting to me. I am on this site to help myself find peace within the storm. Knowing that they are others who can relate to how I feel and not judge me and say I am being weak , but to have people say I know and here's my story.. makes me feel human and gives me hope for peace and happiness.

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transcend82
member