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Silly Question......Is Anybody Checking Up On Folks?

Posted by w30bob, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 3:35 am

Hi Gang,

  This is probably a silly question, but I'm going to ask it anyway.  I was just searching around the "Friendship" section reading profiles of women my age to see what types of things people are dealing with and I see a lot of folks are having some real serious issues and not sounding very good......if you know what I mean.  The problem is very few profiles are dated and even fewer have updates.  So here's the silly question.........is anybody checking up on these folks to see how they're doing?  I started messaging a few folks asking how they're making out, but I can't possibly message everyone.  I know this is not a babysitting website and we're all adults here, but it's hard not to care after hearing what some folks on here have gone thru and/are going thru.  So.....silly question......no?

Regards,

Bob

Reply by warrior, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:49 am

no bob, I feel same way as you. Wrote a few and no reply. I feel on the profile one should date it. This way we have an idea when u came on.....and update later with a date as well. I see some updates at 2003, 2011, etc..but when did u join? When did u update? Dated material is very important. Maybe the few we do type to back n forth and can start using this format?? And wtf is a picture profile of a cat for? Seriously? Or your dog or a fish? Really? I'm talking to pets now? Dont they got their own web site for that? 😊

Reply by withed, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 9:57 am

I guess it doesn't really help you can't tell when someone was online for the last time. But as it goes with many online platforms people come and go. Most often they just find something else worthwhile to do, find comfort someplace/somewhere else or just plainly don't get what they need out of the community and they just fade out. Some times they'll remember "Oh, wait a minute, I was a member there" and return after a while. Not to mention things like Facebook let you connect with others more easily as well as locally especially if you often only talk to the same few.

Reply by w30bob, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 10:18 am

Hi Guys,

  Understand what you're saying withed, and I'm all for freedom to come and go as you please, but if you put in your profile that you're in dire straits, really want help and are talking about it being the end of the line I'd say you sort of have an obligation to let folks know how you are doing, if you can.  I also looked at topics they posted because there are dates on those, and many are more than a year or two old.  So I don't know if they're still looking for help, dropped dead or are cured and living in the Bahamas.  I'm not trying to impose any rules on anyone using the site, but this is the problem you get when you offer lifetime membership instead of a having everyone pay a few bucks a year.  You trade convenience for knowledge and you have no idea how many or who is using the site or not.  And when the focus of the site is really to help people, either by communicating with like minded folks or thru word of mouth recommendations for what works, etc........it would be way more efficient if timelines were established and kept.  Not calling for any action, just noting this shortfall so when admin looks for things to address to make the site better maybe they'll remember this issue. 

 Warrior, what you're talking about is par for the course on forums.  I don't get it either.  It's like on dating websites gals post pics of vacation destinations, a bottle of wine, a fancy meal.........all kinds of crap that tell me nothing about why I would want to date that person.  Everyone loves the beach, sunsets and puppies........yet every profile goes out of its way to mention those things.  I find it's predominently women who do this kind of stuff, but some guys are guilty too.......with pics of their truck, boat, a deer they caught, etc.  I think social media like Facebook have conditioned people to post whatever makes them feel good regardless of the reason for the forum.  It's one of the nuttiest things I've found on the web.  But it also acts as a warning sign to those of us who know how to interpret it.  Think of things like that as "wingnut alerts" and use it to your advantage.  Let the hate messages begin!

later guys,

bob

Reply by warrior, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 11:17 am

I really hate this phone and the format. Anyway I tried to reply   a,secong ago saying u nailed it Bob.. Wing nut alerts. Indeed. How clever. Its few, proud, the choice ones who stick with program. Happy to be here and contribute. Learn..laugh.. Meet n greet a few mates too. Having a stoma is not end of world.

re: Profiles? Should be dated, and a RECENT picture if comfortable. Dated updates would be kind.

re: Facebook? Yea we acustomed to that. But not for me.

good topic. Awaiting more replies. Cherio!

Reply by withed, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 6:45 pm

It's frustrating for sure Bob. I follow technical forums about motorcycles and there's a lot of simillarities there. People make stupid topics about how they're stranded at the side of the road and "NEED HELP NOW!" but they're never heard from again... And there are a bilion other examples of people asking technical questions, getting 5 pages of help but they're never seen again. It's just a 'natural' thing with online communities for a lack of better wording. It's a drop in, drop out culture.

I can totally relate about those dating profiles you mention. It's idiotic that you have to go with that flow because it's like a default baseline. I mean, not posting those pictures basically screams "I hate the beach, I hate animals, I hate fun!"

I was watching a video earlier today of a girl endlessly posing in a metro carriage to get that perfect picture for her instagram, it's hilariously cringy. Generally people who do such things have no depth to their character so you can easily pick them out of a crowd and pay them no attention.

Till you can see when the last time they were online it's sort of wasted to write each and everyone... Sure, if they've not logged on within 6 months maybe but longer I'd just write them off as lost to the ether.

JMC
Reply by JMC, on Wed Aug 21, 2019 7:19 pm

There used to be a timeline when you searched for people in "search by name or member ID" as to the last time they were logged on (sometimes by days or hours but it usually stated "over a week" which could mean anything from a week to 10 years I guess!) but that hasn't been available since long before the recent upgrade. 

I know for a fact there are profiles on here that haven't been in use for 10+ years (some are "friends" on facebook who no longer feel the need to use this forum and there are also loads of different ostomy pages and groups on facebook that may suit their needs better). 

I know facebook gets a bad rap and it's definitely not for everyone, but for me it's the easiest way to check on family and friends (you know, people who I have actually met in person!) who are overseas or who live on the other side of the country.  Plus I'm all for having a laugh and there is some real funny shite on there! 

As for the messages you have sent, you can always check in the inbox "sent" section to see if they have been "read" or "unread", if it's the latter I hope they have just headed off to greener pastures, if they have read it and not replied they are just ignorant mofo's and not worth worrying about mate!

Reply by Bill, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:05 am

Yet another interesting question Bob, along with some great replies.

It got me thinking about my own profile, which I haven't looked at or altered for some time, probably because it doesn't change very much and those things that have changed have little or nothing to do with stomas.

I have always presumed that people who are interested in past posts can access them through the individual's profile, They would be date stamped, which would give an indication when that person was last active on the site. 

Personally , I don't belong to any other online community, so I am not familiar with how people behave in these settings. I also do not know the meaning of terms like 'wingnuts'. 

Another thing that has occurred to me about this post is that when, recently, I wondered if my contributions would come to an end, I asked my wife if she could write a short post to explain my predicament. Sometimes there is not the opportunity to get someone else to do this for us and the communication would end abruptly. I apologise in advance if this ever happens in my case. 

As for the photos: This subject has arisen on a couple of occasions in the past and I have attempted to reply as to why I have not put on any photos of myself. Basically, I 'feel' that I don't want to for personal reasons and I have never felt the urge to explain myself IN ANY DEPTH on that level. ( not that many people would be interested and, if they are, it is all written down in the many hundreds of rhyming verses I have compiled over the years - again, it has little or nothing to do with stomas).

I often wonder how many photos of people on their profiles are actually 'real', fantasy or simply false.  As we can never be sure about these things online, then it seems a bit pointless for me to concern myself as to whether an individual has or has not put up a photo of themselves. I must content myself with corresponding on a literary level and hope that fellow correspondents are communicating in an honest  and genuine way. For the most part I have found this to be so. However, there have been odd occasions when I have responded to posts, only to discover that the original poster was deemed to be some sort of scammer. Obviously, I am grateful to those who are more computer/ online savvi, than me for drawing this to my attention. It should be said that my response in these circumstances has been  to re-read what I have written to check if my own responses were appropriate. My logic is that, although the person to whom I am replying might be a scammer, there is probably a wider audience out there who are interested in the correspondence and they are just as important as the people who actually write respond by writing down their thoughts. 

Surely, we all just give and get what we can from sites like this, without too many preconceptions about what it 'ought' to be.

Just a thought!

Best wishes

Bill 

PS: In my case, as with many others on here, the name I use 'Bill Withers', is a  pseudonym, a 'pen-name' which is based on the premise that it is (bill) the price you pay, to be with-us. If, for some reason,  I stopped corresponding without informing you all as to the reason. Then it might be very difficult to find out why. Unless someone wrote to my publisher, who would no doubt deal with the correspondence in an appropriate manner.   

Reply by warrior, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 9:30 am

morning.. My response to add a current photo to profile simply put means, I'd like to see whom I am speaking to instead of a cat, dog, fish. I understand about personal reasons not to add a photo and yea there are scammers out there. People suggest face book which I simply dont get putting yourself completely out there. For anyone to read, see, copy, paste, post. A frightening environment. I was hoping,as a tight knit community we could weed those types of people outta here.

with all good intentions, some avenues fail or just become  bad.

we live in time-filled technology challenged world.

if your intentions are to find a mate here, then I guess private chatting and texting will come. Perhaps we need to be more patient?. Perhaps we should not compare this site to other sites allowing more free flowing information.

to me this is an informational site. There are people in my state who'd like to meet? I'm all for that. Its nice to be in same boat as others.

so a picture is worth  a thousand words.

Reply by w30bob, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:27 am

Hi Bill,

  "Wingnut" means someone who's a bit crazy, or odd.  In the course of online or normal dating you often run across people who are have such different views or fixations as compared to what's considered normal.  Those folks are called "wingnuts".  I believe it's a nicer way of saying they're just "nuts" or crazy. 

  In regards to reading the posts of folks to find out if they're still active...........that's really what prompted me to write this post.  I'd read a profile that would sound dire, then see that they either had no posts or the last one was 5 years ago........and don't know how to interpret that.  Did they get the help they need.....would any advice I give be too outdated or fall on deaf ears? I sure understand about people's privacy and am not trying to intrude.  When you Google this website it says it has over 20,000 members.  If no one ever keeps track of who is no longer a member then over time that claim is going to be pretty incredible.  This site will easily have more members than folks with stomas or folks who even know what a stoma is.  Just seems like a bad claim to be making.  And I don't give a crap about the claims made for this site, but I am concerned for the folks who came here to get help and their outcomes.  And yes, it's really none of my business if they've solved their problem and have no further need for this site, or they're now six feet under...........but it all just seems like a "not great" way to do business if we're trying to help people.  Do I have a better solution.......no, not really.  Other than making members pay $2 a year vice a lifetime membership.  At least you can infer some things from those who don't re-subscribe each year.  And yes, it's a pain in the ass to have to send someone a buck or two every year.........but from what I'm reading from those who post, this site seems well worth it to folks and I'd assume they wouldn't have any issues with a yearly membership.  Again, no action needed on anyone's part, I'm just bitching.  But I sure would like to know if those in need are doing ok.  Hey, thanks for the replies guys!!

regards,

bob

Reply by withed, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 1:42 pm

I don't know who the admin/owner is of this website nor have I seen any news update or notice. Together with the subscription model I view this site as having a business model at first and a place for ostomates second. I could be wrong but I just see no communications going. Like with your other topic about website features just randomly appearing. I just don't feel there's someone enthusiastic behind here that wants to come forward with a list of new features added to be proud of, no instead it's done in quiet behind the scene. So of course, with that in mind, saying you have over 20.000 members is good albeit false advertisement. People pay up to jump into this vast and huge community to find out it only has a handful of active members. (Really, in the time I've been on here it's aways the same few individuals commenting or making topics.)

Really, this site could do so well if people's profile could be branded as inactive and you can filter out active people. 

Reply by warrior, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:12 pm
withed wrote:

I don't know who the admin/owner is of this website nor have I seen any news update or notice. Together with the subscription model I view this site as having a business model at first and a place for ostomates second. I could be wrong but I just see no communications going. Like with your other topic about website features just randomly appearing. I just don't feel there's someone enthusiastic behind here that wants to come forward with a list of new features added to be proud of, no instead it's done in quiet behind the scene. So of course, with that in mind, saying you have over 20.000 members is good albeit false advertisement. People pay up to jump into this vast and huge community to find out it only has a handful of active members. (Really, in the time I've been on here it's aways the same few individuals commenting or making topics.)

Really, this site could do so well if people's profile could be branded as inactive and you can filter out active people. 


agreed with you 100 %. I thought this site was run by......( whispering) convateck?

Reply by Bill, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 3:50 pm
w30bob wrote:

Hi Bill,

  "Wingnut" means someone who's a bit crazy, or odd.  In the course of online or normal dating you often run across people who are have such different views or fixations as compared to what's considered normal.  Those folks are called "wingnuts".  I believe it's a nicer way of saying they're just "nuts" or crazy. 

  In regards to reading the posts of folks to find out if they're still active...........that's really what prompted me to write this post.  I'd read a profile that would sound dire, then see that they either had no posts or the last one was 5 years ago........and don't know how to interpret that.  Did they get the help they need.....would any advice I give be too outdated or fall on deaf ears? I sure understand about people's privacy and am not trying to intrude.  When you Google this website it says it has over 20,000 members.  If no one ever keeps track of who is no longer a member then over time that claim is going to be pretty incredible.  This site will easily have more members than folks with stomas or folks who even know what a stoma is.  Just seems like a bad claim to be making.  And I don't give a crap about the claims made for this site, but I am concerned for the folks who came here to get help and their outcomes.  And yes, it's really none of my business if they've solved their problem and have no further need for this site, or they're now six feet under...........but it all just seems like a "not great" way to do business if we're trying to help people.  Do I have a better solution.......no, not really.  Other than making members pay $2 a year vice a lifetime membership.  At least you can infer some things from those who don't re-subscribe each year.  And yes, it's a pain in the ass to have to send someone a buck or two every year.........but from what I'm reading from those who post, this site seems well worth it to folks and I'd assume they wouldn't have any issues with a yearly membership.  Again, no action needed on anyone's part, I'm just bitching.  But I sure would like to know if those in need are doing ok.  Hey, thanks for the replies guys!!

regards,

bob


Hello Bob. Thanks for enlightening me as to what a 'wingnut' is. Unfortunately, having worked in the mental health field for more than 40 years, such terms can feel like dubious insults at best and at worst they may be interpreted as prudjudiced and insulting. I will not rant on about how every one of us can end up with a mental health problem of one sort or another. So, suffice it to say that the many different conditions which come under the umberella term of 'mental health' can often indicate that being 'mentally disordered' can appear to be the new 'normal' in modern societies.   

As for paying $2 per year: I have to admit that I'm one of those people who have never paid anything to 'belong' to anything. I like the comment by Groucho Marks, who said " I would not want to belong to any club which would have me as a member!"  The only reason I have been given an honarary lifetime membership to this site is because I have contributed so much over so long. One of the many reasons for my continued active presence on the site is the fact of a category which includes those who don't pay, but don't mind not having all the privileges.  I like the idea that when 'we' communicate, it is also with the wider (silent) audience as well as those who are active participants. I, therefore, have very little use for a provision which allows me to contact individuals on a private basis (even though it is now available to me for free). 

I realise that these sites need to have enough income to make it worthwhile continuing. However, I assume that they are sponsored by motivated manufacturers and advertisers who scatter their advertisements at random in between posts. This aleviates me from any feelings of guilt about not wishing to pay.  There is also the very real concept of my recieving payments for writing which I submit elsewhere; If ever I was seriously asked for a subscription to a site like this, then I might be tempted to respond by asking for a fee for my contributions (quid pro quo).

Just a thought!

Best wishes

Bill   

Reply by iMacG5, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 4:10 pm

Nothing silly about your post, Bob. Just by the responses, lots of folks appreciate your effort. My own experience is the more I learn, the more questions I have. I respect your concerns and feel similarly. That’s today. To avoid more questions than I’ll ever be able to have answered I tend to assume all our writings are pretty honest and meant to share in a helpful way. In Psyc-101 I learned we’re all at least a little nuts and from years of living I learned we’re all different. What’s normal? I guess being a little nuts is pretty normal. Being ostomates makes us considerably more different than way over 90% of the rest of the world. It also can contribute to us being wiser about our bodies. Being active on this forum might have helped us become more understanding of ourselves and others, more empathic, even compassionate. Hopefully we’re still at least a little nuts.
Thanks for giving us lots more to think about.
Respectfully,
Mike

Reply by withed, on Thu Aug 22, 2019 4:12 pm

It's common for websites to ask money to help run things and as a reward you don't see advertisements. Kind of weird you still see them, even when you're a full member.

 

Also who is this? As far as people behind the scene, this is the only thing that gets close. https://www.youtube.com/embed/C3ax0w0n1Ss?modestbranding=1&rel=0&autoplay=1

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