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Chemo is over...now what??

Posted by judgelori, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 10:10 am

Hey everyone...I just finished my last IV chemo treatment 2 days ago.  I have two weeks of pills to finish and then my chemo is over.  I should feel so excited right now.  But the only thing I can think about is "now what?"  What if the chemo didn't do it's job?  What if it comes back somewhere else?  I know better than this.  I am a Bible-believing Christian and I know that my very existance is completely in God's hands.  But for some reason, this is really in my head.  All I keep thinking about is having to wait 3 months for blood tests to see where things are.  That just seems like so long.  How do you not obsess about this? 

This all happened so quickly in my life.  I went from having a j-pouch for 20 years to having a ruptured J-pouch, to we are removing the j-pouch and you are getting a permanent ostomy to oh, by the way, when we removed the pouch, we found stage 2 rectal cancer, to being released from the hospital and less than a month later, starting chemo.  I've been on chemo the last 5 months.  I'm just shook right now.  My thoughts are all over the place. 

Can anyone relate?  Am I losing my mind here? 

Thanks,

Lori

Reply by withed, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 12:04 pm

I guess you just can't know entirely. The best is just live, again. Find enjoyable things to do and distract yourself from having to 'waste' your time and energy on that because in the end you have no control over wether it's gone for good or comes back.

Once you're off the pills and it's all behind maybe celebrate it with the people you love, friends and family? 

Reply by iMacG5, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 12:11 pm

Hi Lori. I’m a cancer surviving Christian and would like to share some thoughts. Nowhere in the rules does it address how you should feel as a cancer patient. I was chastised for not standing on my head spitting nickels when told I was cancer free. I asked those critics how they reacted when told the good news. None of them had cancer so never knew what we experienced and can only imagine how they would react in our situation.
I don’t disagree with your perception of God’s power but I think He/She might be just too busy keeping this whole universe in tack. Ya know, billions of gigantic things spinning in circles without banging into each other. I think what He/She did, however, was give us all kinds of tools to have lots of influence in our own existence. We have the power to select the right regimen to exist in the best fashion possible with whatever afflictions might compromise us. We have many choices and, hopefully, we’ve been given or can learn the skills necessary to make the right ones.
You definitely are NOT losing your mind and, in my opinion, questioning your sanity suggests your mind is working very well. I think you’ll be just fine and I expect to hear all your good news.
Respectfully,
Mike

Reply by Songbird16, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 12:31 pm

Hi Lori

You are a bible beliving Christian and so you know that on our own strenghth we can do nothing.

Spiritual warfare exists in the unseen, supernatural dimension, where God is all-powerful and Satan is in revolt. As any Christian soon discovers, although spiritual warfare is unseen, it’s absolutely real. The Bible speaks of spiritual warfare in many places, but most directly in Ephesians 6:12, where Paul speaks of putting on the full armor of God:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

We're in a spiritual battle in this world. We might forget it's there. But the enemy would love nothing more than to start our day off with discouragement and defeat, bringing fear and stress. Don't let him win.

Stay in God's Word, continue to pray often and keep your faith.  I have prayed for you and is sending prayer request for you around the world.  You are not alone.

May the hand of God watch over you, protect, bless and give you peace. Amen.

Matthew 6:25, Eph 6:11, John 16:33, Luke 10:19, 2 Chr 20:15

God bless you.



Last edited by Songbird16 on Thu Aug 29, 2019 12:28 pm; edited 1 time in total
Reply by judgelori, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 2:55 pm
withed wrote:

I guess you just can't know entirely. The best is just live, again. Find enjoyable things to do and distract yourself from having to 'waste' your time and energy on that because in the end you have no control over wether it's gone for good or comes back.

Once you're off the pills and it's all behind maybe celebrate it with the people you love, friends and family? 

I have already planned a celebration for when I am done with the pills...super excited about that.  I guess I am just overthinking things too much.  I have been trying to get back to my normal life as much as possible but my energy levels have prevented me from doing too much.  Hoping that improves soon.  Thank you for the words of wisdom.  Lori

Reply by judgelori, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 2:59 pm
iMacG5 wrote:

Hi Lori. I’m a cancer surviving Christian and would like to share some thoughts. Nowhere in the rules does it address how you should feel as a cancer patient. I was chastised for not standing on my head spitting nickels when told I was cancer free. I asked those critics how they reacted when told the good news. None of them had cancer so never knew what we experienced and can only imagine how they would react in our situation.
I don’t disagree with your perception of God’s power but I think He/She might be just too busy keeping this whole universe in tack. Ya know, billions of gigantic things spinning in circles without banging into each other. I think what He/She did, however, was give us all kinds of tools to have lots of influence in our own existence. We have the power to select the right regimen to exist in the best fashion possible with whatever afflictions might compromise us. We have many choices and, hopefully, we’ve been given or can learn the skills necessary to make the right ones.
You definitely are NOT losing your mind and, in my opinion, questioning your sanity suggests your mind is working very well. I think you’ll be just fine and I expect to hear all your good news.
Respectfully,
Mike


Thanks, Mike.  I am trying to get out of my own head.  For some reason, it's starting to get to me mentally.  That has been my main battle during this whole ordeal.  I was very blessed that I had minimal side effects from the chemo and have had a pretty normal existance during this process, with the main exception being extra tired.  But the mental battle...that's a whole other battle altogether.  Good to know I'm not losing my mind....lol...Thanks for the positive message.  Lori

Reply by judgelori, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 3:06 pm
Songbird16 wrote:

Hi Lori

You are a bible beliving Christian and so you know that on our own strenghth we can do nothing.

Spiritual warfare exists in the unseen, supernatural dimension, where God is all-powerful and Satan is in revolt. As any Christian soon discovers, although spiritual warfare is unseen, it’s absolutely real. The Bible speaks of spiritual warfare in many places, but most directly in Ephesians 6:12, where Paul speaks of putting on the full armor of God:

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

We're in a spiritual battle in this world. We might forget it's there. But the enemy would love nothing more than to start our day off with discouragement and defeat, bringing fear and stress. Don't let him win.

Stay in the God's Word, continue to pray often and keep your faith.  I have prayed for you and is sending prayer request for you around the world.  You are not alone.

May the hand of God watch over you, protect, bless and give you peace. Amen.

Matthew 6:25, Eph 6:11, John 16:33, Luke 10:19, 2 Chr 20:15

God bless you.


Thank you so much for these words and the prayer.  I know that God holds me in the palm of His mighty hand and that nothing is going to happen to me that He hasn't already approved and paved the way for.  I know that no matter what, my life is in His hands...and I wouldn't want it anywhere else.  But the enemy is at work in my mind right now.  Just trying to keep him away.  I know that I can't live my life worried about whether or not the cancer will come back.  I have to accept that I have done everything I could possibly do to keep myself healthy and the doctors said that after treatment, I had a 95% chance of never getting cancer again.  That's pretty amazing numbers!!!  So, I've just got to learn to move forward and not worry.  Worry is not of the Lord.  Nowhere in the Bible does He say "worry more."  lol...He says "I give you my peace...rest in Me...Fear not..." and so many other things that I can't think of right now...lol  So, thanks for getting me back on track.  I will continue to put my trust in Him.  And live this precious life I have been given.  Thanks, Lori

Reply by Puppyluv56, on Wed Aug 28, 2019 9:27 pm

Hi,

Your chemo will continue to work for a little while and three months  is the normal protocol for scans after chemo. It is a great challenge mentally. People think it is solely a physical thing. It is not!  Some people had scans only a year later and not on the three month schedule! Now that would scare the heck out of me’

it is difficult to think about it and you ask yourself many questions constantly but somehow you will find a way to find peace in knowing that chemo did what it was suppose to do and will be fine!

Prayers for you, 

puppyluv

Reply by freedancer, on Fri Aug 30, 2019 9:03 pm

Congratulations on completing the chemo!!  I say you just take in a deep breath, let it all out, let go and Let God!!  He's kept you around this far so I am pretty sure He's gonna make things come out just fine!  I lost my lower bowel on 12 July 2017 within a 24 hour period.  No one can tell me why this happened.  It was all removed in an emergency surgery in which I was within 3 minutes of pushing up dasies.  If it wasn't for the Anesthesiologist and God's devine guidence, I wouldn't be here.  The next 7 months were misurable. I could hardly eat anything, lost over 40 pounds and went nights without sleep due to severe pain.  On my last ER visit the head doctor came in and said we needed to figure out what was going on.  It had been 7 months of shear pain.  They did two CAT scans and it was discovered that the original surgery of the ileostomy had strictured and nothing was getting through the hole except a small bit of liquid.  For 7 months my remaining intestines had been backing up, one by one.  2 more hours and I would have died.  I was rushed into surgery again.  They had to completely rebuild everything plus, my intestines had adhered to my cavity wall.  The doctor stated it was the worst stricture he had ever seen in his career!   Once again,  by the full grace of my loving God, I survived. I kept asking God why?  Why did this happen to me? I am still waiting for an answer.  12 days prior to my first surgery in 2017 while getting some throat surgery checked at the VA hospital in Salt Lake City,  I was walking back from supper to my motel room and flipped over a broken peice of concrete on the sidewalk.  I was there a day early because the throat doctor only came once a month to the hospital. Well, I was one block away from my motel, flipped over the concrete that I didn't see and broke my left foot.  I layed on the ground for 15 minutes before a nice Hispanic couple found me and carried me back to my motel where I was taken to the hospital.  I had to stay and have surgery on it to have a screw put in and was ordered not to walk on it for 90 days.  So 12 days later my bowel died and I was sliced from stem to stern and stapled back together and couldn't put weight on my foot.  So after having "Maxine" as I fondly call her rebuilt, I was back to asking why again.  Still no answer.  It seemed as if I had been having a streak of horrible luck and it wasn't going to end any time soon.  I kept asking why and getting no answer.  In June 2018, I left my spouse due to severe emotional, mental and spiritual abuse.  After praying to God all night asking Him what I should do about my marriage of 14 years, He spoke to me with an answer.  I followed His guidence to separate for one year but no divorce.  I was to tell my spouse that he needed to correct the areas that he was not addressing and if he didn't address them, I would be free to move on.  I prayed about an apartment and was immediately approved. I found a new job where I was immediately hired. I actually retired in April 2017 so this job was part time 20 hours a week.  As soon as I began to follow God's lead, things started to get better. Then, the biggest test of my life came to fruition, on 17 December 2018 my 33 year old son died.  My other children and I had to drive to Washington to shut down his life support.  This blow cut me to the heart...after all I had been through!! I began to ask why again and still have received no answer.  Still, I refused to turn my back on God.  No matter what He has thrown at me, I still love Him and I know in spite of all these tradgities,  He has my back!!  I know this is long but what I am trying to say is trust Him with all you have!! He knows what you need and won't ever let you down!!  I know this because I  am still here!!!  I know you will be ok.  Live your life, keep on going and don't look back!! Keep listening and following God's lead!!  You got this and God's got you.  Bless you!!



Last edited by freedancer on Sat Sep 07, 2019 2:21 am; edited 2 times in total
Reply by judgelori, on Wed Sep 04, 2019 9:38 pm
freedancer wrote:

Congratulations on completing the chemo!!  I say you just take in a deep breath, let it all out, let go and Let God!!  He's kept you around this far so I am pretty sure He's gonna make things come out just fine!  I lost my lower bowel on 12 July 2017 within a 24 hour period.  No one can tell me why this happened.  It was all removed in an emergency surgery in which I was within 3 minutes of pushing up dasies.  If it wasn't for the Anesthesiologist and God's devine guidence, I wouldn't be here.  The next 7 months were misurable. I could hardly eat anything, lost over 40 pounds and went nights without sleep due to severe pain.  On my last ER visit the head doctor came in and said we needed to figure out what was going on.  It had been 7 months of shear pain.  They did two CAT scans and it was discovered that the original surgery of the ileostomy had strictured and nothing was getting through the hole except a small bit of liquid.  For 7 months my remaining intestines had been backing up, one by one.  2 more hours and I would have died.  I was rushed into surgery again.  They had to completely rebuild everything plus, my intestines had adhered to my cavity wall.  The doctor stated it was the worst stricture he had ever seen in his career!   Once again,  by the full grace of my loving God, I survived. I kept asking God why?  Why did this happen to me? I am still waiting for an answer.  12 days prior to my first surgery in 2017 while getting some throat surgery checked at the VA hospital in Salt Lake City,  I was walking back from supper to my motel room and flipped over a broken peice of concrete on the sidewalk.  I was there a day early because the throat doctor only came once a month to the hospital. Well, I was one block away from my motel, flipped over the concrete that I didn't see and brokeep my left foot.  I layer on the ground for 15 minutes before a nice Hispanic couple found me and carried me back to my motel where I was taken to the hospital.  I had to stay and have surgery on it to have a screw put in and was ordered not to walk on it for 90 days.  So 12 days later my bowel died and I was sliced from stem to stern and stapled back together and couldn't put weight on my foot.  So after having "Maxine" as I fondly call her rebuilt, I was back to asking why again.  Still no answer.  It seemed as if I had been having a streak of horrible luck and it wasn't going to end any time soon.  I kept asking why and getting no answer.  In June 2018, I left my spouse due to severe emotional, mental and spiritual abuse.  After praying to God all night asking Him what I should do about my marriage of 14 years, He spoke to me with an answer.  I followed His guidence to separate for one year but no divorce.  I was to tell my spouse that he needed to correct the areas that he was not addressing and if he didn't address them, I would be free to move on.  I prayed about an apartment and was immediately approved. I found a new job where I was immediately hired. I actually retired in April 2017 so this job was part time 20 hours a week.  As soon as I began to follow God's lead, things started to get better. Then, the biggest test of my life came to fruition, on 17 December 2018 my 33 year old son died.  My other children and I had to drive to Washington to shut down his life support.  This blow cut me to the heart...after all I had been through!! I began to ask why again and still have received no answer.  Still, I refused to turn my back on God.  No matter what He has thrown at me, I still love Him and I know in spite of all these tradgities,  He has my back!!  I know this is long but what I am trying to say is trust Him with all you have!! He knows what you need and won't ever let you down!!  I know this because I  am still here!!!  I know you will be ok.  Live your life, keep on going and don't look back!! Keep listening and following God's lead!!  You got this and God's got you.  Bless you!!

Thank you so much for your poignant reply.  I appreciate your honesty and candor.  I will continue to seek God in all of this.  May God continue to hold you in the palm of His hand.  Bless you....Lori

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