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importance of meeting " someone like you"

Posted by warrior, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 12:22 pm

greetings fellow ostomates- Sept 2, 2019. Consider these scenarios.

1) would an amputee want to be in an ltr with another amputee? ( long term relationship)

2) would a mentally ill person want to be in a ltr relationship with anther m.i. Person?

3) would a leftie want to be in an ltr with a lefty?

4) would a deaf blind person want an ltr with same?

5) would cancer survivors want to with same?

6) would folks with stomas want to be with same?

 

this thread will no doubt create a poop storm amongst us. I can only relate to number five as I try to sort out a future and understand why people are here...

does having one major epic change in life qualify you to seek a partner as same?

there are support groups out here and bless these people running them. They are all unique and extremely helpful.. But my  conflicting question is b/c we wear a bag, survived cancer, numerous other things considered life changers, is it all a prerequisite to actually finding a mate like ourselves out here? ..are we so imperfect to the   world, we have to seek refuge with our own kind?

 

 

 

 

I respectfully submit this thread out of curiosity. I need to know why I am here.

Reply by panther, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:47 pm

Love is blind you just fall in love with them whatever health problems they do or don't have......and yes I would date someone who had a stoma I've had one for 30 years so know there nothing to fear or stop you from living your life just the same as anyone without one does....I'm a 3 times cancer survour and have depression, anxiety & border line aspergers so yes I have mental health problems of my own to a degree and a few more problems that affect my mobility.....1 life live it 

Reply by Songbird16, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 2:49 pm

No, of course not.  Having an ileostomy is not a reason for me to be with someone who also has an ileostomy.  I have been an ostomate since childhood and lived through four long term (over 8-12 years each) relationships with handsome healthy men.  As a child no one ever told me I was different, unlovable or going to be an outcast and therefore I didn't act like it.  It isn't anyone's business so I never told anyone.  The men who fell in love with me, fell in love with my self confidence, independence, mind and attitude.  The men in my life did not leave me...I left them because of my faith.

I know I am not alone in this world I have Jesus (and so do you if you believe).  Always mindfully aware of what I am thinking and do not take on the beliefs and opinions of others. 

I belive that there is a loving God who watches over me.

John 3:16, Romans 8:11

I love God through His Son because He first loved me.

Perhaps you are here to identify with others who experienced the same "life" you do and understand?  To relate to other who can identify with you?  If I met another ostomate with the same faith, morals and values, loving kindness then perhaps it wouldn't matter...but anger, self pity, bitterness, cruelty, blameing God and unforgivness...i keep far from me.

 

 

 

Reply by newyorktorque, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 3:25 pm

No..not necessarily, but Im here for the support.

Reply by warrior, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 5:20 pm
panther wrote:

Love is blind you just fall in love with them whatever health problems they do or don't have......and yes I would date someone who had a stoma I've had one for 30 years so know there nothing to fear or stop you from living your life just the same as anyone without one does....I'm a 3 times cancer survour and have depression, anxiety & border line aspergers so yes I have mental health problems of my own to a degree and a few more problems that affect my mobility.....1 life live it 

great insight. Thanks.. But.....if this were true where love is blind and they fall in love, then...why are so many ostomates being left by their spouses? Partners,? Il" in sickness and health" should have a footnote, perhaps for these runners?

Reply by warrior, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 5:25 pm
Songbird16 wrote:

No, of course not.  Having an ileostomy is not a reason for me to be with someone who also has an ileostomy.  I have been an ostomate since childhood and lived through four long term (over 8-12 years each) relationships with handsome healthy men.  As a child no one ever told me I was different, unlovable or going to be an outcast and therefore I didn't act like it.  It isn't anyone's business so I never told anyone.  The men who fell in love with me, fell in love with my self confidence, independence, mind and attitude.  The men in my life did not leave me...I left them because of my faith.

I know I am not alone in this world I have Jesus (and so do you if you believe).  Always mindfully aware of what I am thinking and do not take on the beliefs and opinions of others. 

I belive that there is a loving God who watches over me.

John 3:16, Romans 8:11

I love God through His Son because He first loved me.

Perhaps you are here to identify with others who experienced the same "life" you do and understand?  To relate to other who can identify with you?  If I met another ostomate with the same faith, morals and values, loving kindness then perhaps it wouldn't matter...but anger, self pity, bitterness, cruelty, blameing God and unforgivness...i keep far from me.

 

 

 last paragraph, I think you nailed it. Thanks.

Reply by withed, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 6:39 pm

I think it's more important if you compliment each other like jingjang, pieces of a jigsaw rather than be a carbon copy of each other.

Besides, picture that life infront of you... Talk/rant of nothing but ostomy all day, romanticly cleaning each other's bag and more of that stuff!

Reply by warrior, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 6:52 pm
withed wrote:

I think it's more important if you compliment each other like jingjang, pieces of a jigsaw rather than be a carbon copy of each other.

Besides, picture that life infront of you... Talk/rant of nothing but ostomy all day, romanticly cleaning each other's bag and more of that stuff!


that is an imagine! Frightening I'd be horrified to clean out or watch someone clean their own bag. However, I'd show you mine (stoma) if they'd show me theirs😆😆..

Reply by withed, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 6:59 pm

Yeah, nope. Not gonna happen!

Reply by warrior, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 7:23 pm
withed wrote:

Yeah, nope. Not gonna happen!


haa haa didn't think so but I wouldn't find it romantic between  guy and girl at all.. That's a big "ewwwwwww". Then which way to the door.

Reply by w30bob, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 7:29 pm


Wow!  Warrior...........good try........you almost dragged me into this mess of a topic.  I started writing a long, really long, really long winded reply to your initial question based on the replies you've got so far, and about half way thru suddenly realized my comments would really add nothing to the obvious answer to your question of "6) would folks with stomas want to be with same?", which is really what the heart of this post is about. 

The simple answer is........drum roll please..........it depends.  On too many things to discuss here.  Bottom line is some would and some wouldn't, depending on their circumstances.  As for why you are here........only the Shadow knows........and maybe you. 

THAT was a close one!

;O)

 

regards,

bob

  

Reply by iMacG5, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 8:10 pm

So Warrior, I’m gonna skip to the last sentence of your post because I just don’t have any answers for the rest. I need you to define “here”. If you mean on this forum it’s because you’re an ostomate and you care about your situation, want to make it as good as possible and, hopefully, help others. If you’re questioning why you’re here on this planet that requires way more thought, supposition, speculation and certainly controversy. You were born, nurtured and you survived to be whoever and whatever you are and, very importantly, because you want to be here. I also want you to be here and look forward to your posts and replies. Ya know there are reasons for everything but we might not ever know some of them.
Respectfully,
Mike

Reply by Sueaxe, on Tue Sep 03, 2019 9:56 pm

that is an imagine! Frightening I'd be horrified to clean out or watch someone clean their own bag. However, I'd show you mine (stoma) if they'd show me theirs😆😆..

Yeah, nope. Not gonna happen!

haa haa didn't think so but I wouldn't find it romantic between guy and girl at all.. That's a big "ewwwwwww". Then which way to the door.

great insight. Thanks.. But.....if this were true where love is blind and they fall in love, then...why are so many ostomates being left by their spouses? Partners,? Il" in sickness and health" should have a footnote, perhaps for these runners?

 

Well, it would appear the above are all lucky enough and capable of looking after their own 'bags', for now.

 

Love is blind, lol, too funny, define love. . .Would/do folk change/clean, at any time your partners (If) appliances

or not, or just get nurses in and ignore the loneliness of your helpless partner.

 

At a guess, lots of folk/relationships grow apart in time, a bag maybe just brings to the fore the inevitable end of

that relationship, add to that the often no sex factor.

As to why many 'spouses' leave, well, I wonder, reading lots of comments on here, how many of you

actually know what it's like to physically help anyone with an ostomy, night and day, unnconditionally or is it because

you 'may' have one and it gives you a 'divine' right to sit in judgement of others who maybe too tired or busy to even 

read this.

 

Ok, slightly off topic but your questions are funny, you missed many though, uro with colo with illeo with jujo, hell, how

many menage et trois could that be, oh, stick LGBTQ's in as well, go for gold. 

 

Hi IMacG5, Panther, Nyt

Ave fun folk

Reply by Bill, on Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:45 am

Hello Warrior.
Thank you for a stimulating post.
Having considered your six scenarios and reflected upon what Bob has said regarding changing his mind about writing a lengthy response, I have also reconsidered my own response.
All the questions seem to be regarding why people might want a Long-Term Relationship with another human being.
In my opinion, the disabilities and problems people face appear to be a bit of a red-herring regarding long- term relationships, as we all have something about us that is potentially off-putting to someone else.
I know many individuals who have given up on humans altogether and prefer the company of animals (pets). Rather than becoming embroiled in the complexities of human company. They prefer the more simplistic love, affection and companionship to be gleaned from other species who seem to instinctively know what long-term relationships are about.
Other folks are quite content with their own ‘company’ and do not exhibit the overt ‘need’ for the company of other humans.
Yet other humans have their belief systems to act as their personal support, forming an esoterically long-term relationship with a god (or gods).
Some humans appear to be gamblers, leaving potential long-term relationships to uncontrolled factors such as ‘chance’; They express a wish to ‘fall’ in love, with little or no reasoning behind their compulsive tendencies. (As a poet, I have expressed my views on this facet in previous posts.)
The list of reasons and motivations for people to seek long-term relationships can go on and on and, inevitably, would be as long a list as the individual relationships themselves.
For my own part, I have already made a list of my ‘aims for today’ (this can be found in the members ‘goals’ section), which outline what I think makes for a good long-term relationship. You may note that it has nothing to do with sex or disabilities but has everything to do with what I feel is appropriate in a mutually supportive long-term relationship.
Some of you might also perceive that my own list is based on what I have observed about the relationships that people have with their pets, which seems to be much more soundly based than that generally being utilised in human-human relationships.
Just a thought
Best wishes
Bill

Reply by panther, on Wed Sep 04, 2019 3:20 pm
warrior wrote:
panther wrote:

Love is blind you just fall in love with them whatever health problems they do or don't have......and yes I would date someone who had a stoma I've had one for 30 years so know there nothing to fear or stop you from living your life just the same as anyone without one does....I'm a 3 times cancer survour and have depression, anxiety & border line aspergers so yes I have mental health problems of my own to a degree and a few more problems that affect my mobility.....1 life live it 

great insight. Thanks.. But.....if this were true where love is blind and they fall in love, then...why are so many ostomates being left by their spouses? Partners,? Il" in sickness and health" should have a footnote, perhaps for these runners?


Then they never really loved them....and had cracks in the relationship before having an ostomy.......and lots of people will hate me saying this but most of the problems in relationships are caused by the one who has the stoma pushing there partner away, (howver much you love someone you can only take so much pushing away before you can't take anymore) most do it without even knowing, and don't realise until it's to late...I talk from personel experince I used to do it myself blamed everyone else except myself until I realised it was ME who was the problem

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