Please help

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sharib

I really need help. My mother-in-law lives with my husband and me, and she is the one with the colostomy (she has had it for 15 years). She is only 67 and is otherwise healthy (but lazy). My problem is the splashing that she cares nothing about. Every single day, it is all over my bathroom - the walls, the floor, the toilet, the clothes hamper. I mean, nothing in my bathroom is safe. I can't say anything about it or I catch hell from my husband to the point of divorce if this doesn't change.
My question is: is this splashing normal? Is there anything that can be done to stop it?

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sitNpriti

Hi Sherib......I've had a colostomy since this past Oct. and I've learned that when draining my pouch while standing close to the toilet, drop a few pieces of toilet paper into the bowl and it alleviates a lot of the splashing.....

SP
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Past Member

It is not normal. It is not acceptable.
What possible excuse could there be for crapping all over someone's bathroom?
It seems that she feels sorry for herself and wants attention.

tarababy

Gee, sorry to hear that...but I think the same thing. It is not normal to 'let it rip' every time, if anything, you try not to mess...seems there might be something bugging her. After 15 years, I'm thinking she knows exactly what she is doing. I don't know how you're handling it. I had a lady with a Urostomy stay with me for a week....she was almost the same...but with her, it seems it was just no common sense and just lazy. Tell her the nursing home is looking real good..lol..sorry..Good luck with it..XX

sharib

Yeah, she is lazy and sad as it is. She milks it. She has my husband wrapped around her little finger and she plays that too. It's driving me crazy. And to top it all off, she never leaves the house (not even to the mailbox). So, me and my husband have no life together anymore. She has been living with us for 2 years now and I don't think I'm gonna hang around for many more. I'm afraid this is a battle I will never win.



Thanks for the answers and thoughts. It helps to have others tell me I'm not just being a b%ch.

Shari
 
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tarababy

Shari... right to the point here... tell her and your husband to grow up. Carrying on like a spoiled brat that she is... I'd be telling her she wouldn't look too fancy being put over my knee. Maybe even leave the mess until your hubby can see firsthand... there are ways around this... just think like her (sorry) lol. Have as much of an attitude as her, show her who the boss is... go get her girl!!!!!!... It's your happiness at stake here... xx good luck

Mary Ellen

I agree with Tarababy! And maybe she needs to get into therapy to deal with her anger.

Past Member

At 67, I assume she is not an invalid and has mobility. When she empties her appliance, ask her to kneel down on one knee and gently empty. This will avoid all the mess that you are getting.

tarababy

Gee!!! I was going to give an answer...but think I better stay quiet.....Well maybe a little....Sharib, you're the one left cleaning up the mess and I feel sorry for you...How have you put up with this for so long? I don't know... I think she is just acting up...can't have things all her way, unless of course she isn't a full quid - meaning senile or other...doesn't sound like it to me...and you're fair game...Seems you have given her a lot of patience which, I take my hat off to you.....but it's not working...I would be getting a bit tough with her by now....(it's my way or the highway old girl) But that's just me.....still wishing you the best of luck and hope things work out fast for you....chow for now..XXX..oh and no I'm not a cranky old fart who doesn't like older people...just believe in treating people how you like to be treated to get respect you have to earn it...ta ta...lol

sharib

Has anyone had experience with the bags that don't get emptied (single use)? I was thinking maybe that might help my problem.

lisam3

Possibly your mother-in-law should use disposable bags. Therefore, she wouldn't need to empty the bag. I never heard of this before. No need for the mess you are describing. This is not worth losing your marriage so I hope your husband is taking a stand and talking to her. Good luck and I hope things work out for you!!!

MrBillYTO
Hey Sharib,
I only use the single-use bags. Personally, I can't imagine using anything else. It's obviously more expensive but worth it to me. I haven't had any problems or the kind of mess you are experiencing in the past 18 months I have had the colostomy.
I agree with the rest...stand your ground as your MIL's behavior is not acceptable...ever!!!
Bill
Past Member

Hey Sharib: I have had my ostomy for 48 years and never had a problem like this. I sit on the potty just like anyone else and scoot back a little and lean forward to empty. Sounds to me like she is very inconsiderate of others that have to use the same bathroom and she knows that you will clean up after her. I would hand her the cleaning supplies and ask her to please clean up when she is finished. I'll bet this mess would not happen in her own home. Since she seems to be playing your husband against you, why don't you remove yourself from the problem by letting him clean up after her if she won't do it? This is not worth losing your marriage over--I'm sure there is a solution--I'm just sorry you are going through this.

lisam3

Hey Bill:    I'm with you on this one.    I too use the single bags.    Wouldn't use anything different.    Easy to dispose of and no mess.
Leggy

Hello, I've only just joined so this may be an old topic. If you are still having problems, why not try and show your husband this site and the remarks that have followed your initial query? If he cares at all, he should see you are being reasonable and trying to find an answer. Your mother-in-law, however, sounds like a real tartar. Hope by now you have things a bit easier.

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