Radical cystectomy Dec 31st 09, 8 weeks prior to that my husband decided to walk out, leaving me devastated. I hadn't been the best wife as I had pushed him away, so frightened about the op, thought about myself instead of him. My children (1 aged 16, twins aged 11) have been amazing, I really would have cracked (or maybe I have without realizing) without them. I'm so angry at times with having to have "this bag", often thinking why me!! Fed up with waking up in the night wet as the bag has leaked again (I've lost 48 lbs since Christmas, stoma has sunk in so they're struggling to find a bag to suit, hence the accidents). I miss a pair of big arms wrapping around me and saying everything is gonna be ok. I know I should be grateful I'm alive and I know how lucky I am, especially reading what a lot of people on here have had to go through in their lives. I don't want to come over as selfish and one of those people that thinks they are the only one going through a tough time. Some days I could scream, most days tears are rolling down my face. I want to be happy again, want to smile, a genuine smile.
So many emotions, anger, hurt, loneliness, pain.
Sorry if I've offended anyone.
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