Monsters & Protection

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Txgirl

There is a universal law stating that anyone under bedcovers, blankets, doonas, or pillows cannot be attacked by axe murderers, rapists, or whatever just made that scary noise.

There are some simple rules you have to obey:
1) Legs poking out are not permitted as they provide easy holds to be dragged away

2) Exception to rule 1 is when it's a hot night. (Monsters are too slow on hot nights)

3) Soft toys always help. They make a good army who will always stand by your side no matter what

4) They also make good sacrifices. (i.e., when you throw Mr. Cuddles at the ominous shadow just to make sure it's a shadow)

5) If the killer is in your bed, then technically you are still on the opposite side of the bed cover, and therefore under it.

6) One must always jump into bed. Anyone who gets too close to the dark gaping hole that occupies the space underneath your bed is almost certainly dead.

7) Sheets [only on hot nights], doonas, bed covers, and blankets all do the job, no matter how thick or flimsy they are.

No, snuggies do not count. They are f**king retarded. The only thing they will protect you from is a social life.

9) Heads may stick out if one needs fresh air, but pillows must be ready for easy hiding or a weapon if a pillow fight were to break out.

10) Having someone else in the bed helps as well. Generally, monsters can't handle two people, and anyway, your mind should be distracted

11) Night lights are for wusses. At least be a man and turn off your light before cowardly hiding underneath your bedcovers.

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pamela0001

Thanks for sharing your rules for protection against monsters. I use them all at one time or another and no monsters have gotten me yet. I am printing your rules out to frame and hang in my bedroom for extra protection.

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WOUNDED DOE

LMAO!!!! ....You silly girl you...I love this LOL

Yah know.....to this day I will not leave either one of my footies dangling over the edge of the bed! OOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOO!!! Not takin' any chances!! Hehehee Curled up in a knot in the center of the bed with the blanket pulled up to my eyes is barely enough to keep me feeling safe and secure lol ...especially in the dead of night during a thunderstorm when lightning is flashing outside and the wind is howling like taunting ghosts ...and the gnarled limbs of the trees scrape against your window pane like the long nails of zombies and unexplained shadows move slowly about your room ....

~Your screwed up little Doe lol

lottagelady
Well, I would just have my dogs with me - I don't quite have the same gnarled tree limbs knocking on the windows, just a very old and creaky thatched cottage and things that go bump in the night.    Actually that's usually the cats playing .....!
vulcanBMk2

The only scary thing in our house is me!!

 
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Txgirl

Well, holy cow, Doe, now I'm scared to sleep at all!!! LMAO

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