Right Timing?

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ParmaViolet

I've had my ostomy for almost a year now but only recently got back into dating. My question is... is there a right time to bring it up? It's not something I'd want to talk about on a first date but is it something I should mention on a 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc.

Also, any tips on how to broach the subject? I haven't told many about my ileo and I don't even know really how to go about it.

Any help would be great.

Thanks

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Rhian

Presumably you have an illness like Crohn's to end up with an ostomy? Or had something that the op cured, that's where I would start from, bring up the subject of health, and maybe mention how ill you once were, and that a life-saving op, like removal of your colon, means that you have a second chance at life, then take it from there. As to WHEN you bring it up, I don't think you should plan when, just choose the right moment where you feel they are open to you broaching the subject comfortably. Take care and let us know how it goes x

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Daniel117
Hi,
I have found out for myself that on the first date or talking on the phone before the first date is the best time to let a person know about the situation. I have found out that if someone isn't going to be understanding, then it's a waste of time. However, if you find someone who will keep an open mind and be understanding, then the relationship can go many places.
Tiggy

As scary as I'm sure it is, I believe it's best to be honest about these things as soon as possible. That way no one gets hurt in the long run, and you are able to weed out the winners from the losers based on how they react to you once they find out.

As the proud wife of an ostomate, I can tell you that anyone worth your time won't have a big issue with that little bag hanging off your abdomen.

Good luck!

WOUNDED DOE
Tiggy, you sweet, sweet treasure you....wish there were more partners like yourself.

Parmaviolet, I think it's different for everyone, hun...bring it up when it feels comfortable for you to do so. It depends on how you feel ...no matter if you wish to tell someone who is just a casual new friend or if you need to tell someone who will be an intimate partner, I think you will know when the time comes. True, many will say the sooner the better and often that is a good thing....but if you're not ready to share that info, that will only bring more stress into the situation full circle.
Funny thing, I have close friends who have been some of my very best friends for years who STILL don't know I have an ostomy. I just simply never wanted to tell them, so I didn't...............of course the dating scene is different.....again, my own personal opinion, no matter what the situation, is just wait until you are comfortable enough. ....and if that person can't handle it, then they weren't worth your time anyway, dear.
 
Living with Your Ostomy | Hollister
Homie With A Stomie NS

Shoot stright from the hip girl...

As scary as it will be you will find out the potential of perhaps your next partner.

Honesty is the best policy, no secrets...

They will know you and the person you are....remember the bag doesn't make you you are still the same person as before just with a bag. Think if roles were reversed. How would you react? What would you say? Would you want to know?

You got this trust your gut and your heart. Stay true to yourself always....

Tracy

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