Have you...?

In this discussion
Replies
16
Views
16674
mark

Has anyone dated another person with an ostomy? How is it? Fun? ...lol

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,090 members. Get inside and you will see.

We're not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed in the forums.

It's a very special community, embracing all ages and backgrounds. People are honest and truly care.

Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.

Create an account and you will be amazed.

Dee

I would love to date someone with an ostomy!

Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate
sharon

I would like to date someone who has an ostomy. I think it would be great because:

  1. He would understand completely. There would be no explaining to do, just the disease may be different.
  2. You would definitely have something in common.
  3. If one runs out of supplies, the other would have one.
  4. It could be a little messy if their stomas were on opposite sides... yucko!! LOL!!
tarababy
Hi, well I have tried it with an ostomate - and a 'normal' guy also. And my opinion, yes, you don't have to explain anything to them. But gee, once you get them talking about it (most I have met don't like to talk about it).... ladies!!! You can't shut them up.... And that can be a bit ...... not hard to handle... but I would rather be talking about something else. Once the introductions are done, don't talk about it.... that is for intro... ie Hi, I'm Tara, this is Stanley, now drop your pants!!... No, I'm only joking ...... I wish I had that confidence. But ladies and gents.. if you get a chance to make a girl or guy happy, plus yourself... who the hell cares what's there... we all need some loving sooner or later.... so go forth and multiply..... gggrrr!!!! Chow folks.
Past Member

As well, I too would like to date an ostomate. It seems everyone is so far away or in another country. Level playing field for sure. I've had mine for 3 years and just came across this site. How about everybody on this site meet up somewhere, say like Toronto! LOL. Hope to talk to an ostomate soon.

 
Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
tarababy

Hi Tom, everyone, I think it's great that ostomates want to get together... I am in Australia and I am finding it's so hard to even meet another 'Single' ostomate, or they are happy being on their own as the idea of telling and sharing is too much to bear. My findings are that Americans and Canadians are not as "touchy" on the subject... and don't mind sharing... I'm seriously wishing I was in the U.S, might not be so lonely. Ok, thanks for listening... good luck everyone.. xx

Past Member

Hi tarababy, everyone. I have a hard time dating. I am a nice guy. LOL. Maybe it's me, but the thought of telling the other person about my condition is easier to avoid. It seems like there are a lot of selfish people out there, maybe myself included. So, to hook up with an ostomate would be taking the easy way out, perhaps, or a more comfortable approach. Hey, I am a great person to talk to, just not so good with these keys. LOL. I used to be in a relationship. It ended 1 year after this, and not because of this. Anyway, I find it hard to meet anyone now. Boo hoo. LOL. Anyway, talk soon. Bye.

budd002

I guess I'm still shy or uncomfortable/embarrassed about my ostomy. I have had it for 10 years and I have dated a couple guys but I tend to back off once things progress to a more physical level. I have told some of them about it and as far as they are concerned, they have accepted the fact. However, I still back away from fear of rejection, I think.

I have conversed with a couple guys who also have an ostomy, but like previous posts, they are not in my area. It is nice to have male friends at least that can relate, even if it is online.

I guess when it is RIGHT, I'll know it!!

Past Member

As an ostomate, I would love to date an ostomate. It would make everything so much easier.

celia55

Hi, I have had my stoma since '94. I met one gorgeous guy through ostomy penpals. He lived in Canada, and I went across to see him. I wish I had stayed! I have also tried to have a relationship with an English guy, but he wasn't as understanding as the Canadian guy. I still find it very hard to tell a guy about my stoma, as you just never know how they are going to take it. I have had some right nasty comments, but I would still like to have a relationship with a genuine guy. And if it is another ostomate, at least he will understand.
Take care,
Celia

bamatex

I met a very nice lady on the site, we corresponded. Things progressed to phone calls, then to her coming to Texas for a face-to-face meeting. It went great, and we're still in touch a year later. The big problem is she lives in Massachusetts, and I live in Texas. I haven't been able to meet anyone with an ostomy that lives near me, too bad. I have dated other women without ostomies, and most were very understanding and didn't seem to care. But I always try to keep it covered somehow in intimate situations. Any ladies live near Houston?

tarababy

Oh my God!! And I thought we were bad here... Guess you guys have more land to cover.... I still haven't met another ostomate away from my support group.. which is kinda no more - but I have gone back on the dating scene as much as possible... And knowing me... Well, honest to a fault... I tell them right up if we are talking online and planning to meet... Or if I meet a guy in person... And he's got that look... Well, hey, I will tell him when the chase gets more interesting... If he is worth it then I dive on in... Lol... Trust me, ladies.... The guys... Um, younger ones don't have a problem with it and still think I'm hot.... The older guys, on the other hand, are quite rude in their responses sometimes.... Hahahah, trust me!! Not the best move on their behalf... I sort them out nicely (heheheh) yeah sure... And move on... I'm having a blast, ladies and gents... So I encourage all to get off the sofa - go get your dancing shoes on and an outfit you feel good in... Head up, shoulders back, and go get 'em... Don't let one knock-back cloud the future... There are so many who need to meet up... If only for a short time... Some people's short visits in your life make the most impact... Hugs and kisses to all.

Past Member
Hiya all,
Only just found this site.
I have had my stoma for many years.
I have dated men without stomas and it's not been a problem for them but it has for me. I have dated one man with a stoma and it was great, more relaxing in every way. Sadly, it didn't last. Given the choice, I would choose a man with a stoma any day. But it just doesn't happen as I don't meet any ostomates. I think I will be single forever. That's such a shame as I am a good catch!!! Haha
Poppy
bamatex

Poppy,
If you are serious about meeting other ostomates, the first thing you should do is post your profile and a picture on https://www.meetanostomate.org/.
BamaTex

Past Member

I, too, feel I would do much better dating someone with an ostomy mainly because they would understand what I am going through and how much it can lower some people's self-esteem. And I wouldn't have to keep explaining everything. But the problem is, even though this site is geared toward those with ostomies, nobody seems to have much interest in other members. In fact, of the 25-30 other members (females) I have written to, only 2 replied. Sure, I may not expect to find my soulmate here or my future wife. But I thought this would be paradise for those of us with an ostomy. Not even close. I'm not trying to seem like a whiner even if I do, but I was thinking this site would be the best thing for us ostomy patients to find happiness even if just in a penpal. But nobody seems to want to even be a penpal here. So, as much as I would love to find a gal with an ostomy to become my soulmate, I really don't see it ever happening anytime soon.

I've told the oncology nurses (where I got my chemo) about this site in hopes that they would lead others to it. Not sure if anyone from my town has signed up though. I think we just need to get the word out about this site and we all might have better luck making new ostomates.

In a nutshell, YES, I would love to date someone with an ostomy. The question is, would they? I realize one thing, that our self-esteem needs to be rebuilt a little. How can one possibly feel great about themselves with an ostomy? But we apparently had only 2 choices: an ostomy or death. I chose the ostomy, as the rest of you did. But I am still pretty embarrassed about it. So I do my best to not have to tell anyone or explain stuff.

I'll just kick back and see if anyone ever replies to my profile or ever answers when I write to them.

Belinda
Hi Hairball, sorry to hear you're not getting any response. If it's a penpal you're after, that's my specialty. I agree this website is not used enough by ostomates. I think it's because not enough people know about it. I came across it in a publication issued by a stoma products firm and decided to give it a try, but more publicity would be great. Don't even know who runs it. Answers on a postcard please. I'm in England and have an ileostomy (for 3 years) and don't know personally anyone else who has. I am not looking for romance, just people who understand. Quite prepared to talk about it with anyone. Can't believe that people don't reply. I will. Promise. Cheers, Belinda.
Rachel

I know, meeting someone who also has an ostomy sounds perfect. Only in my experience, when you meet face to face and spend some time together, it can be disappointing to find out all you have in common is a stoma.



Not sure what the answer is.
All times are GMT - 5 Hours