Irish Jokes

Replies
8
Views
4241
scots guy
Ok, anyone can join in,

want the good the bad and the corny!

No offence to my Celtic cousins, feel free to reposte with scottish jokes if you can!
Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,090 members. Get inside and you will see.

We're not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed in the forums.

It's a very special community, embracing all ages and backgrounds. People are honest and truly care.

Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.

Create an account and you will be amazed.

scots guy
Did you hear about the Irish shoplifter?

Was crushed under Asda (Walmart for out cousins)
Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate
Past Member
Heading towards St. Paddy's day definitely keep the irish jokes comin'!

But will have to find a few Scotia ones too! Have posted the below before but it covers all countries!

An Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball on the tee, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.

"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded.

"Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee.
Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies.

"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's $10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.

"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where are yer drawers?"

She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any!"

The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and Says, "Well, fer the love' O Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
Past Member
LOL!!!!!
Past Member
When Jock moved to London he constantly annoyed his English acquaintances by boasting about how great Scotland was.
Finally, in exasperation, one said, "Well, if Scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?"
"Well," explained Jock "they're all so clever up there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all."
 
Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Past Member


Have posted this before too but it's such a bloody classic!
Past Member
Just one more I promise!

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor that s full O coos Sharn'

(Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s ** t.)

The man shouts back 'I'm English, Speak English, I don't understand you'.

The Scotsman man shouts back 'Use both hands, you'll get more in.'
Past Member
As I mentioned before:

The thing that makes ethnic jokes funny.
Is that there's an element of truth in them!

Think about it
Past Member
Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"
All times are GMT - 5 Hours