There was a man who had a huge passion for baked beans, but they always had an embarrassing and lively effect.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after, they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down, and since they lived out in the sticks, he rang his wife to tell her he would be late as he would have to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe, and the wonderful smell of baked beans overwhelmed him.
,Since he still had several miles to walk, he decided he could "walk off" any ill effects before he arrived home. He went in and ordered three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he farted. By the time he got home, he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed excited to see him.
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peep.
At this point, he could feel one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peep and went to answer the call. Whilst she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as stinky as a rotten egg, He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air around him,
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRRIIIIIPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To avoid gagging, he tried fanning his arms for a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He felt another urge. This was a real Blue Ribbon winner. The windows shook, the dishes rattled and the flowers on the table were dead,
Whilst keeping an ear tuned into the conversation in the hall, and keeping his promise to remain blindfolded, he carried on this way for a further 10 minutes. farting and fanning each time with his napkin.When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his arms on top of it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the very picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeped at the table. After assuring her that he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled
"Surprise!"
He opened his eyes and saw the 12 dinner guests seated at the table for his surprise birthday party.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after, they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down, and since they lived out in the sticks, he rang his wife to tell her he would be late as he would have to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe, and the wonderful smell of baked beans overwhelmed him.
,Since he still had several miles to walk, he decided he could "walk off" any ill effects before he arrived home. He went in and ordered three large helpings of baked beans. All the way home, he farted. By the time he got home, he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed excited to see him.
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peep.
At this point, he could feel one coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peep and went to answer the call. Whilst she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but as stinky as a rotten egg, He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air around him,
He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRRIIIIIPP!!! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To avoid gagging, he tried fanning his arms for a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He felt another urge. This was a real Blue Ribbon winner. The windows shook, the dishes rattled and the flowers on the table were dead,
Whilst keeping an ear tuned into the conversation in the hall, and keeping his promise to remain blindfolded, he carried on this way for a further 10 minutes. farting and fanning each time with his napkin.When he heard the phone farewells, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his arms on top of it.
Smiling contentedly, he was the very picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeped at the table. After assuring her that he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled
"Surprise!"
He opened his eyes and saw the 12 dinner guests seated at the table for his surprise birthday party.
