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Gay Men that are Ostomates

Posted by AAirman, on Sat Sep 24, 2011 9:25 pm

So I know I'm different, but now I'm really different after I woke up with an illieostomy.  I find I'm even more of a sub unit as the others on this site.  Are there any other gay men on here who would like to talk?  I have so many questions and just don't know how to progress.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:15 pm
I can see that there would be a unique set of concerns for a gay male.  AAirman. I can't related in the same way another gay man could and I hope you get some good information.  I can empathize.  I have had several very close gay friends - males and females - and from conversations with them, I can see a few of the special issues. AAirman, I have a listening ear if you ever need one.  There isn't much I haven't heard or can't hear.

Carol 'dawneagle'
Reply by three, on Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:59 pm
I sense this is a good time to repost this video:

Reply by Xerxes, on Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:34 pm

Bravo for you my friend. Life is for everyone to enjoy.

Reply by MrBillYTO, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:44 am
Hi AAirman,

Having an ostomy has it's challenges for all of us, regardless of our sexuality.  Personally, I can only speak from my experience as a gay man what it's like to have an ostomy.   But from what I have read over the past several years on this site, there is often a common thread of fear and apprehension when it comes to dating, when to tell, how to tell, etc.

We can talk AAirman, give me a shout!

Reply by KennyT, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:47 am
Reply by VARick, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:08 am
AAirman wrote:

So I know I'm different, but now I'm really different after I woke up with an illieostomy.  I find I'm even more of a sub unit as the others on this site.  Are there any other gay men on here who would like to talk?  I have so many questions and just don't know how to progress.

AAirman - if you would like to talk please feel free to message me.  I had my surgery June 2010, Ilestomy as well.  I'm still learning the ins and outs of my stoma, but very willing to share any information and knowledge learned along the way.
Reply by turtlecreek1961, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:20 pm
I am a gay male same as you with the same problems.  I had lots of questions also.  I would love to talk with you more about how this changed  your life and share how it changed mine.  I am currently the president of the ostomy support group in Dayton OH.  Let me know how I can help.
Reply by DerbySteve, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:30 pm
Hi AAirman,

I'm a 47 year old single gay male.  I have a permanent colostomy.  I'm here if you want to talk.

Reply by pussycat, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:11 pm
Hi there,
             I don't understand, if you want to be taken seriously, why don't you have a profile?
We all have our individual problems and we are here to help each other, but HONESTLY AND OPENLY. OPEN UP and maybe you will get some real help.

Reply by dulcimerman, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 5:22 pm
airman; its not only gay men who feel different I have an ileostomy and a urostomy  so its not easy for me a married man either, but we just get on with life
ostomies are a way of living but for them we would surely be dead. so get over it mate we are all on the same boat.
Reply by transmission man, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:18 pm
Hello anytime you want to chat please lets do so i have alot of things to ask aswell . im allways wondering if im alone in the world im 45 years old male
Reply by mooza, on Mon Sep 26, 2011 10:00 pm
Hi airman i have spoken to 2 gay men on here i actualy got them together one didnt want to stay on this site the other did saying he thought the site was good . i actually work at our association here in melbourne australia and know only 1 gay man and Guess what he has a partner so all isnt as bad as you think !!!! the only thing is he isnt well but thats a lot of osto issues any way there is another site for site for gay people i stumbled across on my ost journey but i dont remember the name mabe it is  gay and lesbian ostmates lol prob called that sorry i can be daft at times ...''

...................lots of love from Australia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply by Dixie1, on Tue Sep 27, 2011 12:14 am
I am quite new to this site, and have not posted very much, doing a lot of reading to get the feel of things and people on this board. For the most part I have found it a positive place to get advice, and encouragement which we all need from time to time.

I have had my illeostomy my ENTIRE life my first surgery was at 10 weeks of age! So I know a thing or two or three.

AAirman, congratualtions on posting on here, good for you. I have only one concern, and that is your perception of yourself, "more of a sub unit"??? Really? No your not.  Not at all, you are a human being, capable of loving and being loved. Being gay in no way makes you a sub unit or different. You have a heart like everyone else, you have arms, legs, hands feet, eyes, ears, just like everyone else. So you like men, big deal. It's only a big deal to those who make it a big deal.

As I've said I've had my illieosotomy my whole life, I am a 42 year old straight woman, I know you were seeking to connect with gay men to gain some answers to questions that you have, and I hope you will get those answers. If you have questions that I can help you with I will be more than happy to help you. I understand there will be some that I may not be able to.

I want you to know that my best friend is a gay male, who I have recently told about my ostomy. I hid it from him for several years, and due to some traveling that we were going to have to do together for a conference I felt it only fair to inform him of my medical condition should something happen.

In revealing this to him, he has seen how much I struggle with body image issues, and living with an Ostomy. He has been incredibly kind, supportive, honest, with me. We have a very close relationship and he has asked some very good questions in a very sensitive manner. He has managed to help me find some humor in my situation and come to terms with other issues with body image that I struggle with.

I have never thought of him as a sub unit because of his sexuality, I think of him as my friend, someone I can trust, and confide in about anything including very intimate and personal matters relating to having an Ostomy with out the fear of judgement or ridicule. He is every bit a man just as you are.

I understand how it feels to have an illieostomy and not knowing how people are going to react to it, I've had my heart broken more times than not over it, and I can empathize with being gay and your feelings of being different as you described yourself. It is irrelevant to me what your sexuality is, I understand completely why you included it in your post, and hope you are able to get the answers you seek.

I know I am just another post on here, but I am a member of this site you can feel comfortable asking questions of about having an illieostomy and if you have questions about being gay with an illieostomy if I can help I will try it's the best I can offer you.
Reply by 61smiles, on Tue Sep 27, 2011 1:20 am
Hi AAirman,
    I'm a lesbian with good news for you.  Well maybe by now someone has already told you about this but in case they haven't... There is a group, a branch off I guess, associated with the UOAA (United Ostomy Associations of America, Inc.) for gays and lesbians.  Their web site address is .  They also have a monthly newsletter.  Unfortunately for me but good for you is that the majority (isn't that the way it always is?) of the posts and members are men.

  I'm afraid I can't help you much because, as you know, how you guys relate to intimate things is way different than lesbians.
                      Good luck and wish me luck too.
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