Support for Gay Men with Ostomies

Hi

Hello... How are you? How long have you had your ostomy? Which do you have? I got a permanent colostomy Dec 2016.

Hey,

I've had a colostomy since I was 18, that was 41 years ago.

This can all be very scary, especially with the gay community's focus on physical perfection. I've had three wonderful relationships. The first was with an exercise physiologist (he was buff) he wasn't bothered by my pouch and made me feel much better about my physical self - that relationship lasted 6 years. Then a short one-year fling followed by another six-year relationship. Now my partner and I are at 20+ years.

What worked for me. I went the true dating route so we both could figure out if there was something in this from both of our perspectives. Then I just let things progress naturally. I didn't really have a discussion beforehand, I just let the sex part progress naturally after I cared for the person and he cared for me. This worked for me. One of my partners told me, "Because you weren't embarrassed, then I wasn't either, it was just part of the package of you."

We all have to make our own way and do what makes us feel comfortable, but it took me a bit before I truly felt comfortable with myself. Then things changed dramatically for me, I didn't feel a hidden sense of shame. The first time I went to a nude beach or used a gang shower at a gym was hard, but it was liberating.

Hope this is useful.

I've been there - right where you are now.

Mike Q

Send me a note.

Hi, I
I got an ileostomy from May 2018.
If anyone wants to communicate, my email is on my profile. I am a Scottish gay man living in Melbourne.
Victor

Hey

I got my ileostomy in June 1976 (I was 18 way back then).

Gay man living in Lancaster County, PA, USA.

I've had an ileostomy since before my first sexual experience. To be frank, the AIDS epidemic passed by me through a veil.

Best of luck

Mike Q

Oh, Mr. Q, all my surgery is nothing compared to a head cold and a chest infection. I want to die. My partner said I'm a drama queen and I want to punch his lights out. I hate life.

Sir,

You'll adjust to the situation. Generally, having an ostomy is better than the alternative, which in my case was dying.

Mine has not really prevented me from doing anything.

If you have questions, send me a note.

Check out my Facebook page.

Mike Quear

I have a partner too.

Hello

I am new to this forum, and it has been really interesting and inspiring reading some of the posts here.

I am a healthcare professional working in London, and a lot of my patients are dealing with similar issues, as well as some friends. I am trying to start a support group to help other people with these issues because I know from my friends that they often can't talk to their own healthcare professionals about this. Although I don't have IBD, I have IBS, which I struggled with for years and impacted my sex life, relationships, and mental health.

It would be great to hear from others who feel that a support group or meetup might be useful.

Hello

Gay man here for 42 years - since I was 18

Currently in a 20-year relationship

And had 2 long-term relationships prior.

Also was quite sporty - competitive rower, combined training rider and never felt constrained not to do activities.

Have any questions, send me a note.

Hope I can be of assistance.

Mike Q

Hi Mike, thanks for your message.

Actually, after the chest infection that lasted 2 weeks, I do now feel better. There is one thing though, from the time I had surgery 4 months ago, I have a real problem bending down then getting back up again. Maybe in time that will ease.

It seems to be my core where I had all the surgery. Possibly I'm just being impatient as I expect to feel better yesterday, lol.

I have returned to work, again.

My email address is in my profile, if that is easier to reply to.

Victor

Good for you re: work

Give your body some time to heal. This is a big surgery.

Yes. Our politicians are in a free fall.

However, I'm more worried about that wingnut that is supposed to be running America.

Scary times with him running things.

Here the real issue

Trump is the result - of many years of ugly Republican bigotry

He's not the instigator.

I know a bit of what I'm talking about

I retired in 2010

As a staff director on the Committee on Science and Technology in the US House of Representatives

I had my surgery in Feb of 2017. It has healed well and I am adjusting to the pouch system. One thing isn't happening and I need some input from some of you. My sex life is dead. I know I can't ejaculate because they took my bladder and my prostate gland in the surgery. But they assured me I would be able to get a hard-on or erection. My doctor put me on 2 different pills and they did not work. I am at a loss. Any suggestions or ideas? Danny

What is your doc saying now, about this issue? If he is a GI doc, you might want to see a urologist who likely has more expertise in this area.

Best,

Mike Q

A urologist did the surgery, so I thought he would have suggestions, but he just said to take the pills (that didn't work). My regular doctor says let's try a shot in the penis or some good ointments that draw blood to the cock.

Hey Mike, let's keep talking.

I

Mike, let's talk via email. My address is

Hello, how are you?

Sorry about the random posts. I am still navigating my new iPhone.

Hi all! I hope I am not late to this post! I am Cris, 49, from Eastern Europe, and I am bisexual. I have been living with a colostomy bag for 9 months. I am totally interested in contacting males around my age for intimate chatting. The only thing is, since I am new in this forum and not a paid member, I believe I cannot engage in private IM. I am open to suggestions though. Anyway, I am glad to be here and I hope to hear from all of you!

Sorry to hear about your breakup. I was also betrayed after my surgery on June 5th, 2019. I can tell you for sure, you don't want anyone having sex with your stoma or you will be in the hospital having surgery again.

You would be risking your life.

The prior fella is correct. I've had an outing for 44 years & have had an active sex life. Be imaginative. If you're not embarrassed your partner won't be either, that's been my experience. Be calm & be safe.

Mike Q

Hello,

I am new to this website. Today marks four weeks since my surgery. I was rushed to the OR from the ER as I had ruptured diverticulitis. The doc is confident we will reverse this year after we let the colon heal.

While getting better after the surgery, and under the influence of painkillers, I was pretty forward with the doctor about having sex. I was concerned about not being able to have anal sex after this ordeal. My question was more about long-term sexual activity (after reconnecting my innards and recovering). He was pretty unfazed and told me I could have sex about six weeks after surgery as long as it wasn't too "vigorous". Our time scales could not be more apart. Not sure if I am ready for that yet!

Anyway, just introducing myself, saying hi, and hoping to meet people. I am in NYC in case anyone wants to say hi.

I love Downingtown and SE PA.    Postomate of 44 years, hard to believe but true.

Wanted to say hi.

Howdy!