Thanks for sharing this.
I agree with kat65 - just 'being there', being yourself and letting him know how you feel ( it's good to talk) is probably the best approach in these situations.
He has to adjust to his own situation and this will not be made easier by his ex wife's response. It is so much easier to adjust if one has an understanding and empathetic partner to share your feelings with. It sounds as if you are just such a person and I have every confidence that given time, patience and perseverance everything will sort itself out.
My wife sometimes reads these posts so I am hoping that she too will gain something from this particular string.
Edi, here's my two cents from experiences with other men, including myself, with ostomies.
His focus is on his urostomy and how it detracts from him as a man. You've stated that you don't even notice the bag. This is good. Don't allow him to drag you into his existing insecurities about his situation. Tactfully avoid the issue altogether. Your confidence in how you engage him, as a man, will be pivotal in changing his self image. Don't show any apprehension towards his urostomy at all.
Kat65 hit on this briefly and it needs to be addressed as well. As a man, with an ostomy, I can tell you that if I feel that a woman is not sexually attracted to me, real or perceived, it becomes a deal breaker. You must remain imperturbable during intimate encounters...he's watching you. If he feels that his ostomy is distracting you from pleasure, both in giving and receiving, you will be reinforcing his inhibitions. He must feel as though his ostomy does not matter to you at all!!
I also feel that your husbands issues may delve a little deeper than can be alleviated here. Sounds as though he's having a tough time accepting his situation. From personal experience I can tell you that the damage from the ex needs to be addressed. Again as Kat65 suggested, maybe a little counseling is indicated here. Good luck!
But for you guys... great hope!
Hugs to you and your husband, Edi!
I have had my urostomy all my life and had issues my self in the dating arena but found someone who also has a urostomy and yes we live in different countries but he has made me feel better about myself since he has such a positive attitude.
Contact me if you want to talk.
Hope all is well.
No this isn't my husband, he is sort of my boyfriend. He lives in the UK on the Isle of Man and I live in the US. He has come to visit a few times and we have traveled a little bit together.
Now when he is back home we talk on Skype almost every day.