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Displaying the bag

Posted by Monsieur Le President, on Mon May 11, 2009 1:38 pm
I've had the bag a long long time, & I've accepted it totally, ( apart from the odd snivelly moment ), & it has never stopped me doing anything, because I've been fortunate to be otherwise fit & well.
BUT
Apart from medical staff & my wife, nobody has ever seen it, & I have always preferred it that way.
When I played rugby, football, cricket,squash,swimming etc, I was always discreet, & wore shorts in communal showers in order not to embarass myself or others.
I always found this uncomfortable, as I had previously been fairly vain about my physique, and was a bit arrogant regarding other people's shyness.
I am now waffling.
What I would like to know is, do other people display their bagsto strangers in these circumstances or in any other ?
I am certainly not ashamed of my conditin, but nor would I flaunt it.
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Mon May 11, 2009 7:13 pm
I do not, and for a few reasons.

First, as you mentioned it could embarrass them or make them uncomfortable.

Second, I can't help but think of how it could/would change the dynamic of a friendship or working relationship. What amazed me when I was sick was how many people just quickly faded out of my life. People whom I thought were friends and would understand. That was quite a learning experience.

Third, I've had my spine fused in two spots and what really irked me was everyone saying "you've got a bad back", blah blah blah. I am healthier and stronger than most everyone I know and I do not want people to see me as sick or unhealthy. I can easily see people considering someone with an ostomy as ill, which is not true.

Fourth, I guess it's too personal a thing for me to flaunt around.

Well, that's just my take Wink
Reply by painter, on Wed May 13, 2009 4:54 am
i hate this bag so in the summer time i wear boxing shorts with a high waist band so i can take my top off works well
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Wed May 13, 2009 9:15 am
well personally i dont "show the bag" but i am somewhat reserved.
i am a cancer survivor and if you mention cancer to anyone they react
in different ways but most will imediatly distance themselves emotinally
from you. when i was in the early stage of my illness this was hard for me
because i didnt realize that its a normal reaction. the other reaction i dont care to experience is pity, again a normal human reaction.
i dont know if many have seen this young ladys profile but i suggest you view it.
here is an example of a very strong and confident person, afraid i dont have the
{lacking a better word} balls to do this... but bravo to any who do.
i hope she doesnt mind me posting it.

http://www.meetanostomate.com/index.php?page=view_profile&id=1801
Reply by Monsieur Le President, on Wed May 13, 2009 12:48 pm
Thing is- I initially used Hollister bags, which were noisy & transparent plastic, so the contents could be seen, unpleasant for everybody. I then had some soft cotton covers made, but never would I display.
It's bad enough when wearing trousers to have been embarassed , when sat in a bar with a fullish bag, and was asked by a friends wife " Wow, are you pleased to see me ! "
Reply by eddie, on Wed May 13, 2009 8:25 pm
hey I don't think if I was in a relationship where we may become intimate that I would have a problem,don't really know. my husband passed away before my ileostomy, but I know he would not have been put off,  but we were married for 33 years and he treated me like a queen after   I become ill. We spent alot of years together spatting and fighting the first few years but gradually becoming more in love and appreciative of each other I feel in my heart tho that if someone cares about you the damm bag shouldn't matter
eddie
Reply by tarababy, on Thu May 14, 2009 3:57 am
Hello, let me start by saying.....I would drop the pants to show anyone if they wanted to see it...and I have many times....And many times I have had to reveal it,when they least expect ..... as people can be so rude.I am on a disability pension and getting on the bus one day...showing my pension card and saying where I wanted to go...Well, he sat up in his seat and moved the glasses down his nose to look me up and down and then asked again..."You're on a pension?" I say yes....he starts to shake his head...bus was half full and I went to the waist band on my mini skirt and pulled and empty bag out of hiding...Needless to say I got on that bus with no more hassles...AND..he has been very polite ever since.Is it illegal or immoral for a person/lady to get dressed up nice,albeit a bit sexy?Cause the looks I get when I do is quite an eye-opener even for me.Another time I was asked if I was pregnant...lmao...all I said to that was..."You ever seen a one-sided pregnant woman?" Trust me --he looked like he was thinking about that one.Since I have had this I have surprised a lot of people with my attitude of who-gives-a-crap-what-any-one-thinks.Kinda hope,my shock treatment will make others take more notice of what their body is telling them,saving them from the same thing.Ok, thanks for listening..Tara
Reply by Monsieur Le President, on Thu May 14, 2009 5:28 am
Eddie, 45 years married for me and still going, my loved one has never ever had a problem with the bag, which was massively helpful in me totally accepting it.
I'm really just provoking thoughts about peoples attitude to public display.
Incidentally, does anybody have dreams/ nightmares regarding the bag ?
I have recurrent dreams where my bag is filling rapidly, I'm running searching for the bog, I find one, then the door disappears, or the side wall, and I have to empty, then there's shizen everywhere wall, ceilings, hands, face etc etc.
Reply by panhead511, on Sat May 16, 2009 10:35 am
I don't know if you read my blog or not but I think that it sums it up in a nut shell. Ostomates are always concerned about displaying their bags in public. Sure, You do try to be discrete about it for your fears and insecurities of what people might think. It is a normal reaction, trust me! I used to worry about what would people think about me if they saw my bag. I have recieved certain looks and sometimes comments that at times could be rude. I gave up on what people think about it because their opinion does not matter to me anymore. If they cant execpt you for who are, like I said before " SCREW THEM". It is a part of life and as an ostomate we can't be ashamed of our ostomy. This isn't to be mean but I am proud of my ostomy because it has made my life better. No more pain like I used to have. Sometimes my shirts don't cover my bag completely as you can see in one of my pictures. I don't care if it shows, However I make sure that it is always emptied and clean as possible. So all in all bag the embarrassment.
Reply by tarababy, on Mon May 18, 2009 1:10 am
Hi, in the first 12 mths I was up and about..I thought of making a cover for mine,so I could still wear my bikini and not have to go to full piece.What I planned was for the material cover to be connected to an Ostomy belt somehow(lol),then I could forget about the granny undies and full piece swimming costumes and so on...Low and behold,the prototype looked just like a bum-bag..hope you know what that is or this is one weird conversation......Then after giving it a bit of a run...in my pool. and around my home...what I found most annoying was the way it just dangled there,flopping around like a half-filled balloon.So out went that idea.Now I keep it close ..As it is...I'm a lot like panhead.great attitde by the way.Dont like me because I have a bag on my belly?? Ring Life-line....they care....Mwah!!!
Reply by JayJay, on Tue May 19, 2009 10:09 pm
I have had to wear a bag since Jan 16 when I was operated on for colon cancer. I also enjoy going to nude beaches(Sandy Hook most times). Now what do I do? I have never seen anyone wearing a bag at any nude beach. Wearing a bag is still very disgusting to me and I do not really want everyone to know that I wear one.
JayJay
Reply by tribalguy007, on Tue May 19, 2009 10:12 pm
I think this might be my first post and I realize it probably does not apply to most, but I thought I would share my experience with exposing the appliance anyway.  I have had a regulated colostomy resulting from rectal cancer for over 41 years.  I am also a nudist which doesn't seem to go with having a colostomy very well.  However, early  on I discovered that I could wear an absorbent pad over the colostomy under a wide polyester belt that looked much like a cumberbund you would wear with a tuxedo, and most people thought it was to control a hernia, which is another issue.  When Hollister came out with the Stoma Cap I used that, but it was white in color so I spray painted it flesh color.  Now Hollister makes it in flesh color and I need not make modifications.  Most people do not seem to notice the Stoma Cap and if they do they think it is some sort of bandage.  Now I do wear a bag some of the time especially at first after irrigation, but I do not go out in "Public" so to speak with it.  The only problem with the Stoma Cap is that it is not water proof so hot tubs and swimming pools can be somewhat problematic.
Reply by sounitha, on Wed May 20, 2009 8:08 am
Hi Everyone,
I have been an urostomate since age of 13 .I am 39 now.I did not have any problem in school or college or public so far.But I dont think I would ever display my bag in public.But I am not ashamed to be an Ostomate.Good to see so many views here on the forum.Happy to be one among you all..........
Reply by kevy, on Wed May 20, 2009 2:29 pm
i got asked at customs once to go to a room to be examined,because my bag had blown up a wee bit lol.the custom officers were no problem,loosened my jeans and they said thats fine,thanks for your cooperation.
Reply by Jenni, on Mon May 25, 2009 3:04 pm
I don't have any problem having it all hang out with family members, outside of this I wouldn't show it off for the sake of it, mainly due to making others feel uncomfortable or worse still having them feel "sorry" for me.

I too got questioned at the airport security once, I kept setting the buzzer off so got patted down by female security she of course felt/heard rustle of bag and just looked at me once I explained what it was that was fine she didn't even ask to see it to make sure.
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