Past Member, on
Tue Nov 22, 2011 4:48 pm
"After my surgery in Aug 2010, I was told that an aunt had 'one'. I learned that she had the surgery many years earlier. When I asked my mother about why, and some other questions - she knew almost nothing and was reluctant to discuss the subject. A few months ago, the same aunt had to have her stoma moved. Again there was a reluctance to discuss the subject. I found out that she has had other issues over the years and NO ONE EVER TALKED ABOUT IT. My family is among the closest families that I have ever known. Why was this a taboo subject. I found myself wondering what an open conversation might have done to improve her life and acceptance."
The STOMA was one of the family secrets - one of the subjects that we just don't talk about. I have tried to understand. I just don't. My mother really wanted me to have a reversal - be 'normal'. A number of things led to my decision to not have a reversal. But NORMAL (or not) had nothing to do with it. I just poop differently now. Not better, not worse, just different.
Over the past year, I have had family and friends that go quiet when the subject comes up. Others say, 'let me look', that is pretty amazing. "How does it work". "How cute". "What a pretty little rosebud". "I want to see it work". It was shy and wouldn't perform on command.
What a difference in responses. Why do some consider it a stigma. Why do any of us accept a stoma stigma.
I don't understand wanting to see it perform nor do I understand the avoidance. but, it is all just different.
I do think about how much easier it would have been if my aunt could have been easy and open with her difference. I have watched the relationship she has with my mother. They are more easy with each other now that it is an open subject. I wonder how much my aunt didn't interact with all of us because of her insecurities.
I have wondered what percent of people have stomas (any kind) and can't find data. It is too secret? There have been a few posts about famous people who have had stomas. I like the "coming out" that is being done around the world. A stoma is really just a part of who we are.