Currently online
3 members & 14 visitors


I am a 64-year-old Female
Country: United States
Interested in meeting or talking to: Anyone


I am a 30-year-old Male
Country: United States
Interested in meeting or talking to: Anyone
Jer


I am a 44-year-old Male
Country: United States
Interested in meeting or talking to: Female
Advertisement
ConvaTec - Less Pressure More Protection
Advertisement
ConvaTec - OstoMySecrets
ConvaTec - EASE Strips
ConvaTec - Less Pressure More Protection
ConvaTec - OstoMySecrets
Meet and talk to 19,450 OstoMates.
Meet and talk to 19,450 OstoMates.
Not your typical ostomy website. See why

Question for women only

Go to page: Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 1:03 pm
I am a male who had rectal cancer and had my anus removed and sewed up. I have had trouble urinating ever since and sex doesn't feel the same for me either. It feels like I have a lump in my butt or really bad hemorhoids but all of that has been removed. It has only been 3 months since the surgery so I am hoping it will go away after I am completely healed.
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2011 11:38 pm
I enjoy sexual satisfaction in other ways. I don't want to do anything that is painful, forming scar tissue, or tearing up my delicate insides, even if an MD says it will eventually help me to have intercourse. I've had more than enough pain and suffering throughout the course of my life!! After this surgery, I am focused on *my* pleasure and doing things that bring me joy and pleasure....never pain!! I love the other ways of being pleasured by a lover and fortunately I have one that is very much into pleasuring me in other ways. I have no need for intercourse and don't feel I'm missing a thing! LOL.
  Past Member
Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:36 am
baggette,

I agree.  Sexual relations (with others or alone) should be for pleasure not painful ... never pain (for me).  It is one of our joys in life.  

I remember a punch line from a joke - "if it hurts don't do it".  I don't remember the joke but the punch line is a no brainer for me.  I am not up for for more pain - 'no way - no how'.  I never understood "no pain - no gain" ... I will forgo the gain if I have to have the pain.  

Thanks for saying it and saying it so clearly.
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 11:22 am
Hi macsac1, I was wondering if you had radiation for your rectal cancer.  The radiation caused me to have what they called a neurogenic bladder and it is difficult to start peeing and I can't empty my bladder all the way.  I learned to use my abdomenal muscles and cough and do whatever I can to empty my bladder because I did not like using a catheter. I too had that lump feeling after surgery.  I asked my doctor if I was always going to feel like I had a giant wedgie. LOL  It does go away eventually although I can't remember exactly how long it took. I don't know about the sex not feeling the same but I did hear from one man with this surgery that it caused retrograde ejaculation, where most of the sperm go into the bladder and you don't feel the same release.  It might be something to look into.  Take care!
  DH
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 3:24 pm
Hi luv2laf,  I have also had problems urinating ever since radiation for rectal cancer. It feels like I have to squeeze a little harder to get it out.. I noticed that if I squat over the toilet to urinate rather than sit on toilet the urine comes out much easier.    Donna
Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2011 10:24 pm
Hi Donna,  sounds like we have been through alot of the same things.  Thanks for the tip on squatting, that is one thing I haven't tried yet.  I looked at your profile and you have some beautiful pictures.  Hope you and your husband are still able to travel alot!  Jane
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 8:08 pm
I'm with you there, dawneagle. I've had enough involuntary pain, bodily trauma, and stress....I'm definitely not signing up for more of my own free will! Sex is supposed to be pleasurable. It's supposed to feel good! When sex is pleasurable, it releases a plethora of hormones, that make us feel blissful all over.  There should be no trauma and tearing of tissues and pain involved during sex, (YIKES!), unless pain is one's pleasure. Some people truly enjoy pain with their sex, but that's a whole other story. LOL.

As for the doctor that would tell a woman to continue to have PAINFUL sex, in order to tear herself up inside and form scar tissue, so that she could be the right size for intercourse, I'm absolutely appalled at that kind of "medical advice"!! Scar tissue is NEVER a good thing. Scar tissue is formed by trauma to the body and it in itself, can cause painful intercourse, often requiring surgery to remove. A no win situation.  (Google.... vaginal scar tissue).

Hmmm, I bet if that doc felt like his penis was on fire every time he had intercourse and every time he had intercourse it was ripping and tearing up his penile skin, he would be singing a different tune.

Why would a man even want to have intercourse with a woman he supposedly cares about and loves, if it's ripping her vaginal tissues and causing her PAIN? Please, learn other ways to pleasure your woman and receive pleasure!

Doctors should be telling women who find intercourse painful for medical reasons to practice the many other forms of sexual intimacy and pleasure, rather than do anything that causes trauma to the body and tearing of the vaginal canal and tissue. Physical trauma (especially to a women's sexual center) is trauma to mind, body and spirit. Scar tissue is bad. Always. It will cause more problems than it will "fix." What is wrong with these doctors??

Learn about Tantric Sex. Sisters, please don't harm your body further just for the sake of having intercourse.  Intercourse is not the be-all and end-all of sex. Sex is meant to be highly pleasurable. Orgasmically pleasurable. If what you're doing RIPS, TEARS, and/or HURTS, don't do it!!

After all you've been through, be especially kind to yourself and gentle to your body. Respect and honor what your body is telling you. Pamper yourself and get as much pleasure out of life as you can get, while you still can. Life is too short to do otherwise.


                                 
dawneagle wrote:
baggette,

I agree.  Sexual relations (with others or alone) should be for pleasure not painful ... never pain (for me).  It is one of our joys in life.  

I remember a punch line from a joke - "if it hurts don't do it".  I don't remember the joke but the punch line is a no brainer for me.  I am not up for for more pain - 'no way - no how'.  I never understood "no pain - no gain" ... I will forgo the gain if I have to have the pain.  

Thanks for saying it and saying it so clearly.
Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 11:48 am
Fortunately I did not have to have radiation. I had some prostate problems before surgery but the lumpy feeling in my butt seems to have made it worse. I can't wait for that weird feeling to go away. Is this a British website because I don't see many people from the states on here. I would like to meet some local women from Ohio if there are any.
Posted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:08 pm
  Past Member
Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:01 am
I haven't read any other replies, so if I'm redundant, please forgive.
re feeling like they opened the front as well as the back - check with your surgeon but mine explained the "pelvic levator" muscle or "pelvic sling."
He was able to leave my openings all in place to avoid just your situation HOWEVER -
I can't have sex because I have less than 4" vagina.
Therefore I am no help in the intercourse arena.

Please laugh with me:
I am looking to pursue an RN and will need to write a thesis.
A topic came to mind recently re the experience of organ/structure removal as pertaining not to just physiologic factual changes, but the perceptive experience of the patient.
My experience with recovery from my colostomy takedown (I stil have the urostomy) prompted this, as I have the outer remnant of urethra left in place.  As my anus learns to tell me when things need to empty (which are different from the previous "normal" signals) I've noticed that I feel like I "need to pee" even though there's no bladder doing the signaling.
I'm going to check with my urologist but I've been thinking the relaxation reflex used to poop uses the same muscle as the one to pee, hence the phantom feeling.

Please don't be insulted, but your comment is EXACTLY the type that I wondered I might find if/when I pursued the thesis.  (No, I will NOT contact you; this is in the far far future; it's just a cool coincidence I think)
  Past Member
Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 10:26 am
I completly understand your situation. Although my wife's surgery was caused by a different illness (cacer) the result was the same. You are not alone - hang in there, there is hope. Things will improve over time.
Posted: Sat Mar 17, 2012 6:24 pm
I never had any idea about the vagina shrinking during radiation.. but that does make alot of sense and answers why I see the blood during relations. wow....
Posted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 6:08 pm
Is the problem that you feel too tight, like his penis doesn't fit in you? Or is this some other kind of pain? I had a problem feeling kind of like a virgin again. I confided in a girlfriend and she suggested using a dildo to gently stretch things on my own.  I did this and it worked.
Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 4:01 am
I had same op with perineal...etc.Only during radiation abd chemo my vagina completely fused shut and Drs said remaining tissue was too friable.When cancer came back some months later and I was going in to have anus,rectum and part of my poopshute removed-I asked what they could do for me-and recieved vaginal reconstruction surgery along with everything else. Almost 2 yrs later I still haven't met anyone I want to have sex with,(or,probably vice versa).Sometimes I wonder how different am I from some dude who has undergone sexgender changes? My veejay jay seems to be in a slightly different position from before, and I still don't know ALL EXACTLY what was done during surgery,but I have the notes and someday I will figure it out. I am very thankfull that none of my sexual nerves were affected in any bad way.Topical sensations remain pleasantly intact.  I wonder if by being outgoingly frank about my situation upfront with everyone-am I limiting my prospective future partners? dw
Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 8:39 pm
Hi All,
I have had my rectum removed and had chemo and radiation treatments due to cancer. This was done in October. I am still not comfortable with missionary style sex, but we have found oral sex and other ways to solve the problem. I have always enjoyed sex and would not like the thought of not being able to enjoy it again.I was also told that the skin in the vagina would stretch over time with use. We are still working on this. Don't give up it does get better, be patient.
Judy
Go to page: Previous  1, 2, 3  Next
* Please, do not post contact information like email, Facebook or MySpace account, or phone number. It will be removed by the Administartor.
All times are GMT - 4 Hours
Jump to: