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How do you tell someone your dating that you have an ostomy?

Posted by bag_n_drag, on Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:11 pm
jeffreystars....I couldn't agree more.  It's the bag between our ears that's the most difficult to reconcile.

Thanks for sharing!
Darla
Reply by DMJ123, on Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:52 pm
jeffrey, Well said, you are right.. we need to use our brain and not let the bandage be our baggage.. I looked at your profile and I wish you were here in Jersey and not all the way across the country as I would like to have coffee with you...
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:28 am
Will keep that in mind Ady, thank you
Reply by three, on Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:43 pm
                                 
jeffreystars wrote:
Don't call it a bag ever again.  Call it a bandage, because that's what it is and people (including me) can get their heads around that easier.


And Juliet replied:
Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself . . .
It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.
O, be some other name!
What's in a name?

Reply by Xerxes, on Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:09 pm
.....that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet"
Reply by Primeboy, on Mon Mar 19, 2012 9:59 pm
                                 
jeffreystars wrote:
Don't call it a bag ever again.  Call it a bandage, because that's what it is and people (including me) can get their heads around that easier.


I am not sure a name change would lead to a lasting change in perception, but it's worth a try. Still, keep in mind "The course of true love never did run smooth (AMND)."    PB
Reply by teacat, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:53 am
This thread has me completely confused.  Did something change while I was married?  I would think if you knew someone well enough to be "intimate" with them then you'd have a good sense of whether or not they'd accept your ostomy.  

I had other medical problems when I was young that put me at a disadvantage in a relationship so I needed to be certain about what I was getting into.  (Like I needed to AIDS on top of everything else I was dealing with?)  Also, the disappearing acts some young men pulled on my friends when they became pregnant only reinforced my resolve to be more careful.  

So has anything changed?  

Of course if you don't want a serious relationship, then I really don't think the ostomy is going to matter -- neither is telling him about it.  You can conceal it in a variety of ways.  (The "tube top" mini skirt method is very popular.)  If he discovers it, then you should tell him.  If he freaks and leaves... well, that's *his* problem -- not yours.   There are plenty of men who will not care that you have an ostomy.  

-- teacat
Reply by three, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:36 pm
                                 
Primeboy wrote:
. . . keep in mind "The course of true love never did run smooth (AMND)."    PB


God created humans, and promised them they'd find true love in every corner of the world, and then she smiled and made the earth round.

Reply by Xerxes, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 6:54 pm
Ah Yes! I knew the bard would get it.

X_
Reply by Primeboy, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:37 pm
                                 
Xerxes wrote:
Ah Yes! I knew the bard would get it.

X_


I think the Bard was sensitive to the plight of those who wasted valuable time and energy on unrequited love.  Check out Love's Labour's Lost. On the other hand, didn't Tennyson advise us that it's "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." It's your call. By the way, Three, when did God promise humans they'd find true love in every corner of the world?    PB
Reply by three, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:13 pm
                                 
Primeboy wrote:
. . . Three, when did God promise humans they'd find true love in every corner of the world?    PB


I heard it was during the First Council of Nicaea in the year 325 AD.    
Reply by Primeboy, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:01 pm
[quote="three"]                                  
Primeboy wrote:
I heard it was during the First Council of Nicaea in the year 325 AD.    


You were suckered in by Arius and his cronies, Three. God did not promise universal love, but She did say there's a sucker born every day. Happy fantasies!
Reply by three, on Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:52 pm
                                 
Primeboy wrote:
God did not promise universal love, but She did say there's a sucker born every day.



OMG, that's a hellava lot of lollipops!    

Reply by Xerxes, on Wed Mar 21, 2012 4:03 pm
PB,

Given the choices, I go with Tennyson.

X_
Reply by skidder, on Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:48 pm
There isn't a way you'll know for sure until you just come right out and tell this person. If this is a person you would like to be intimate with, trust your own gut....tell him before hand. If he really loves you, he will probably want to know more, the what, when and whys of your disease. Alot of times another individual will feed off you...see how you handle it before he makes a move. Give yourself some credit...you will do just fine. I'm rooting for ya!!!!
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