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How do you tell someone your dating that you have an ostomy?

Posted by KennyT, on Sat Apr 07, 2012 9:49 am
So what I can gather Prime is taking out your glass eye and false teeth along with a wooden leg is fine but informing someone on initial contact that you have an ostomy is not?

I may be confused here??
Reply by christiesdad, on Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:42 am
I suppose that being up front and truthful may be te best policy concerning the bag, especially on the first date.  But would you be honest enough to tell your date on the first date, especially if it were a dinner date, that you hope they understand, but you are suffering from an accute case of diariah?  
So, as I have said before, if you don't plan to go from the supper club directly to the motel there is no reason to "confess" on the first date, that you are wearing the bag.  If you are a woman having your period,  do you feel it neccessary to confess that too?

No, let it ride for a couple of times.  It may break off for sme reason other than the bag, anyway.
Reply by SigmoidFreud, on Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:18 pm
The one thing for sure is for you to exude confidence, and conduct yourself in all situations like it is "no big deal" ! That is what I have been doing for 18 months. Also I have worn an 'ace' bandage wrapped around it with the woman I am seeing now. She wouldn't mind if I didn't. In fact she is curious about it. I tell people "it's just a small opening, and I have like a bandage over it. Some people have said to me "isn't there like a tube".

In other words like many things in life, we usually conjure up a scenario that is much worse than reality. People's thoughts and emotions take over, and replace reality. Try to find and be with people who are open, calm, cool, compassionate types; and, when dating, people who have experienced some adversity in some form in their life. These kinds of people are evolved and will, in my view, be more able to understand and accept.

KEY: act at all times like 'it's a piece of cake.' and has no adverse effect on anyone other than what is in their minds. Just more challenging in certain ways. Like millions of others with other conditions who have partners and date.
Reply by three, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:45 am
                                 
SigmoidFreud wrote:
. . . like many things in life, we usually conjure up a scenario that is much worse than reality. People's thoughts and emotions take over, and replace reality. Try to find and be with people who are open, calm, cool, compassionate types; and, when dating, people who have experienced some adversity in some form in their life. These kinds of people are evolved and will, in my view, be more able to understand and accept.


Right on!!!
Reply by bag_n_drag, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 12:26 pm
                                 
KennyT wrote:
So what I can gather Prime is taking out your glass eye and false teeth along with a wooden leg is fine but informing someone on initial contact that you have an ostomy is not?

I may be confused here??


No confusion, Kenny.  Prime's comments just reminded me of that little parody.....as folks have surmised here, the "right" time to tell someone about your ostomy really lies in the eye of the beholder.  SigmoidFreud's comments pretty much sum things up for me. Smile

Darla
Reply by Xerxes, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 3:45 pm
bag_drag,

Sigmund also said "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

X_
Reply by bag_n_drag, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 6:39 pm
                                 
Xerxes wrote:
bag_drag,

Sigmund also said "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

X_


Very true, Xerxes. Smile
Reply by LilyJ, on Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:22 pm
I recently told a female friend that I have an ileostomy.  Her response:
"Oh, so you have outdoor plumbing?"

I LOVED THAT!
Reply by bag_n_drag, on Mon Apr 16, 2012 1:29 pm
                                 
LilyJ wrote:
I recently told a female friend that I have an ileostomy.  Her response:
"Oh, so you have outdoor plumbing?"

I LOVED THAT!


WONDERFUL RESPONSE! Smile  And a wonderful friend, too!


Darla
Reply by nogutz, on Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:00 pm
Hi all

  I have been reading some of these responses and they are good, My question is how many people are in a good relationship? how many people tell white lies.Maybe we have been in relationships where we keep little secrets.All habits we have to change.For the first time in our life we have to be up front and honest, bit like a poker game You have to know when to hold them and know when to fold them,and know when to run.

   I  went on this dating site and put a profile on there and I was  honest in saying that, I really love home cooked meals so I hope you can cook and that i have grandkids that will keep you busy as well and inbetween you will be busy cleaning up after me .See now I just have to tell them about the ostomy.You would not believe the responses I received.Most of the woman were happy that I am so honest, then I tell them about cleaning the fish! most are still in.lol. Most of all I am meeting new people with somthing in common in that we are all are looking for a relationship.I am single though so manybe I  should stick to the white lies.like  A very tall 5'7" full of energy or s%$t. Do you see the Bag as half full or have empty? kinda sh&t
Reply by gee07, on Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:34 am
Like your comment  Xerxes. gee07
Reply by gee07, on Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:53 am
I think telling all, must be down to how well you can take rejection if it comes and it will with some people. Age of the person, how well you know them. For me I would never tell  early on in a friendship.If that person should decide to walk away and knowing some personal information on you may not keep it to them self.Fine if you don't mind others knowing but if you are thinking of telling or not,then you do mind. So then it is a case of only telling those you want to know. There are ways for a female to hide the bag with clever sexy underware, so if it's a hot time you are after then you don't need to say anything. This comment is to all in general. Gee07
Reply by christiesdad, on Sun Apr 22, 2012 8:38 pm
                                 
Xerxes wrote:
PB,

I can't stop laughing. Such prose. You might add, that from her perspective she can take you home in pieces.

X_


Thank you so much "X".  However since everyone is expressing an opinion on this subject in an un-antagonistic manner, I fail to see what the point is of trying, (unsuccessfully, I might add) to demean me or anyone else for their expressions. Thank you very  much!

Check out my comment at the end of the last page of this subject.
Reply by christiesdad, on Sun Apr 22, 2012 8:49 pm
Comes to mind a quote, taken completely out of context, and I might add I take a certain license with, from Winston Churchil,

"Never before, have so many, done so little, for so few, with so much"

An old golfing buddie of mine, who was so much better at the sport than I, once admonished me

that " un-solicited advice was the most useless commodity in the world"

In my final comment to the lady in question:  You will have to figure it out for yourself.

I wish you well and good luck in you're endeaver.
Reply by Xerxes, on Mon Apr 23, 2012 4:06 pm
Christiesdad,

Perhaps you should spend less time in front of the mirror and listening to playbacks of your own voice and read more intensely. My comment to which you refer, was made to Primeboy's lyrics that he posted from Spike Jones. It had nothing to do with the theme of the posting. So, put down your poison pen and lighten up and re-read my post.

X_
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