I suggest you and your partener, only have sex when YOU fell like it because when you want it (mentally) your body is more willing and relaxed, sounds like your have sex to please the wrong person. ( i dont know) but thats what its like for me, think about it. ( you can find out though if next time your felling like sex and your on your own then take the time pleaseure your self use a toy and if it still hurts then reinvent your sexual activities to suit your smaller insides)...it just means you like me and my wife , have to find other ways of being intimate with each other and if your man is madly in love with you then he will understand and help the issue, and please for your own sakes be in this together dont be selfish either of you,,,talk about it as often as it takes to get a comfortably routine and relaxed inviroment and find ways of pleasuring that suit you both, best of luck, and dont let it get you down,,,thiers more to life and love than sex....
If you still feel pain , give up on that occasion & attack the problem from a different angle ??
As the old saying goes " There's more than one way of skinning a Cat "
NOW WHERE'S MY TOYS ..KIDDING !!!! TRY ALL THIS ADVISE I THINK EVEN WHEN YOU HEAL IT COULD STILL BE SORE WITH THE SCAR TISSUE HARDENING ...JUST MY THOUGHTS
AND IF MY HUBBY COMPLAINED I WOULD SEE IF HE LIKED THOS BIG CUCUMBERS , THEN IT MIGHT BE A LESSON LEARNT HAHAHA ...
HOPING HE DONT LIKE IT ..SOZ NO OFFENCE JUST MY HEAD AND REVENGE RIGHT NOW XXX
I think that after radical surgery I am going through this unquenchable need to feel normal again! Everybody keeps talkin about the "new normal" & I just get more & more agrivated! I long to feel my husband's fingers carress the shapes & contours of my torso & abdomen without bumping into a bag or belt. Now my abdomen is riddled with so many scars it looks like a road map. He is a very caring & patient lover & tells me every day that I am the sexiest woman alive - I just can't accept it in my own head!!!!! Everyday I shower & get ready I feel like such a joke. Putting on my makeup & fixing my hair & spraying on that hundred dollar perfume just feels like putting paint on an old falling down barn.
I am going to suggest WINE. Heck even have one glass too many!!! The only way I ever convinced myself to even try & have sex again was when I had one glass too many. It SUCKED!!!! However, I did realize that it had helped me to loose my inhibitions & relax enough to try!!! It has gotten better somewhat but I still want my "old normal" sex life back & all of the mind & body shattering things it held.
Guys - I am sorry but no wife WANTS to turn her husband away when he looks at her with lusty eyes - most of us aim to please...... Hubbs said the survival of the things I have been through only made me more appealing to him - that may be true....but every woman with estrogen in her system longs to keep the beauty, power, & mystical prowess we had before all of this poop bag hanging from our side business.
It will be AT LEAST another 6 months before I will know if I am even a candidate for a reversal & I hang onto that hope everyday of my life.
Vanessavy - you are NOT the same woman you were before all of this happened to you. You mind surely has grown by leaps & bounds that only a select few can possibly try to understand. I am certain that you are a breath taking beauty & I know how you feel!!!! Try the wine until YOU are ready - you just won't be ready. If you are a pleaser, & want to see the lust in his eyes again, I have never heard of a husband who turns down a b@@@ job. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF!
I basically had the same surgery almost 35 years ago. Instead of the gallblader, it was the appendix but I had my total colon, anus, rectum and appendix removed. Sex was very painful at the beginning. When I complained to my doctor, he told me that I should perserver and it would improve in time and thankfully, it did. You might want to try KY Liquabeads that really helps with lubrication and make things easier. Good Luck.
I too am a Ny'er and will help you with whatever questions you may have,,.. I am not a Dr.....I only play one on TV........LOL just kidding.........I am jsut a Ulcerative colitis survivor of the misery for 24 yrs and today am a permanent Ileostomate.....I have friends with BCIR if you want to talk to them, and they too are female and maybe they too can help...............I am just an email away to help.......Good luck Michael
I am hopefully going to see my Urogyno next week. It is just hard to fit her in with all my other procedures, doctors, scans, scopes, etc etc etc. It becomes EXHAUSTING with 10 different doctors I have. I need to move to Fiji and become a cabana girl! I am happy I see so many replies with humor! I love it. I don't get alerts that people reply so sorry I am late to the party!!! I do blog though more than I post here.
I am now 8 month post op, one day it was ok and I thought there was some light but then another time it was back to sqaure one.
I will ask about everything people mention. Thanks!
My husband and I have been married over 18 years I think 19 I can't remember anymore I have chemo brain and he too tells me that I'm still sexy and that he loves me and sex can wait when I want to do it. but it is me that wants it I was a very sexually driven person and it really really hurts to have sex now, I cannot take Premarin, estrogen or anything hormone based because of the total hysterectomy .... tried the KY stuff it didn't help much. my surgery was May 2 and my last hospital stay was September 1 and it's only been about two weeks since we tried having sex for the first time in over a year. I miss feeling sexy, I miss the way he kissed every inch of me. I just feel like a shell of my former self.
Can anyone tell me if sex will get easier? I want to be able to please my hubby as well as be pleased!
I picked firecracker as my username because everyone has always told tell I was one r fireball - just full of life and gusto and really funny and fun to be around. I want that person back too.