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Sex now hurts

Posted by vanessavy, on Sun Apr 08, 2012 3:49 pm
I had the BCIR surgery 4 months ago with removal of my large intestine, galbladder, rectum and anus. I have had sex 3 times but it hurts. It feels like the inside of my vagina about 3 -4 inches in will not stretch or let anything through. Is that normal? Swelling ? Just very frustrating My husband said he can't tell and gets annoyed since I have to stop. Even with a ton of lube. Just very odd. nobody else seems to know why.
Reply by tim1948, on Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:26 pm
Sounds like a scar tissue issue related to removal of rectum.  Did u do any radiation b4 ur surgery?
Past Member
Reply by Past Member, on Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:19 pm
I can only imagine what you are going though, but i had a radical urindectumy, and my parts srunk because of all the tendants and nerves were severed, may be you internals have srunk and because of all the tissue they remove and restitch you have been unfortunatly made smaller and tighter,

I suggest you and your partener, only have sex when YOU fell like it because when you want it (mentally) your body is more willing and relaxed, sounds like your have sex to please the wrong person. ( i dont know) but thats what its like for me, think about it. ( you can find out though if next time your felling like sex and your on your own then take the time pleaseure your self use a toy and if it still hurts then reinvent your sexual activities to suit your smaller insides) just means you like me and my wife , have to find other ways of being intimate with each other and if your man is madly in love with you then he will understand and help the issue, and please for your own sakes be in this together dont be selfish either of you,,,talk about it as often as it takes to get a comfortably routine and relaxed inviroment and find ways of pleasuring that suit you both, best of luck, and dont let it get you down,,,thiers more to life and love than sex....

regards noel
Reply by cee, on Sun Apr 08, 2012 8:21 pm
You need to discuss this with a sensitive gynecologist.  Nobody can enjoy sex when it hurts.  Period.  I had radiation which sterilized me within the first three sessions (of twenty eight) and that plus surgery made "the parts" fragile and less flexible.  Aged them prematurely.  I started with vaginal inserts...hormones and an external estrogen cream.  Now I use an Estring ring which I love.  Three months you pop it in for and it slowly releases hormone therapy that is like the good ole' days.  I have also heard about the use of inserted devices to "stretch" the vagina.  Don't know much about that but you FIND OUT!  It can be helped.

Luck girl!
Reply by vulcanBMk2, on Mon Apr 09, 2012 4:55 pm
THat is one BIG OP !! & 4 months may be a little premature for full on energetic sex . There is still a lot of healing going on down there . I'm a man ., but I have a full understanding of Female plumbing --!! Give those nerve endings & tender tissue a chance to mend . No ! Dont give up entirely --but!! maybe , longer foreplay & messsing around may relax things a little better ....

If you still feel pain , give up on that occasion & attack the problem from a different angle ??

As the old saying goes " There's more than one way of skinning a Cat "
Reply by DH, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:06 pm
Hi, I know how you feel. I had the same problem after having my rectum and anus removed. When my husband and I tried to have intercourse It felt like my insides were partially closed up because he couldn't penetrate me all the way. And it hurt when he tried. I was told that the radiation I had to treat my cancer before the surgery may have damaged the walls of my vagina.But the problem got much worse after surgery.So I went to my obgyn and asked her if there was anything that could help.Because know amount of lube was working. She gave me a prescription cream called ESTRACE. There is also one called PREMARIN which I think is the same thing. A person on this site told me about the premarin. I asked my obgyn about it and she gave me the perscscription for ESTRACE. I have been using it and it really works. I could finally have intercourse without cringing in pain and stopping in the middle.And each time gets easier as you stretch back out.      Donna
Reply by mooza, on Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:57 pm



Reply by notexpectingthis, on Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:38 am
Dear Vanessavy-

I think that after radical surgery I am going through this unquenchable need to feel normal again! Everybody keeps talkin about the "new normal" & I just get more & more agrivated! I long to feel my husband's fingers carress the shapes & contours of my torso & abdomen without bumping into a bag or belt. Now my abdomen is riddled with so many scars it looks like a road map. He is a very caring & patient lover & tells me every day that I am the sexiest woman alive - I just can't accept it in my own head!!!!! Everyday I shower & get ready I feel like such a joke.  Putting on my makeup & fixing my hair  & spraying on that hundred dollar perfume just feels like putting paint on an old falling down barn.

I am going to suggest WINE. Heck even have one glass too many!!! The only way I ever convinced myself to even try & have sex again was when I had one glass too many. It SUCKED!!!! However, I did realize that it had helped me to loose my inhibitions & relax enough to try!!! It has gotten better somewhat but I still want my "old normal" sex life back & all of the mind & body shattering things it held.

Guys - I am sorry but no wife WANTS to turn her husband away when he looks at her with lusty eyes - most of us aim to please...... Hubbs said the survival of the things I have been through only made me more appealing to him - that may be true....but every woman with estrogen in her system longs to keep the beauty, power, & mystical prowess we had before all of this  poop bag hanging from our side business.

It will be AT LEAST another 6 months before I will know if I am even a candidate for a reversal & I hang onto that hope everyday of my life.

Vanessavy - you are NOT the same woman you were before all of this happened to you. You mind surely has grown by leaps & bounds that only a select few can possibly try to understand. I am certain that you are a breath taking beauty & I know how you feel!!!! Try the wine until YOU are ready - you just won't be ready. If you are a pleaser, & want to see the lust in his eyes again, I have never heard of a husband who turns down a b@@@ job. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF!

Much Love.
Reply by joanmarie, on Sun Apr 15, 2012 9:16 pm
See your gynie.  There are lots of therapies for this-to help stretch the vagina. You'll see results in about 10 days.
Reply by Redondo, on Mon Apr 16, 2012 12:29 am
I basically had the same surgery almost 35 years ago. Instead of the gallblader, it was the appendix but I had my total colon, anus, rectum and appendix removed. Sex was very painful at the beginning. When I complained to my doctor, he told me that I should perserver and it would improve in time and thankfully, it did. You might want to try KY Liquabeads that really helps with lubrication and make things easier. Good Luck.
Reply by beyondpar, on Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:55 am
Vanessavy,  Just so you know  there are many things to know .........ITs very possible that once all the organs have been removed, ( the intestines, the rectum and anus) the pelvic floor tends to shift or change places. and this could be a reason for the vaginal walls shifting or gettting closer ...........this is a concern for the woman more than the man when having surgery...........Your surgeon should have told you about this...........If the reason for your tightness is the shifting, that will come back with use, and strectching of the area......At least I think it should.......IF its a result of scar tissue, which i dont think thats the case here,  thats a bit more difficult to work around.............

I too am a Ny'er and will help you with whatever questions you may have,,..   I am not a Dr.....I only play one on TV........LOL  just kidding.........I am jsut a Ulcerative colitis survivor of the misery for 24 yrs and today am a permanent  Ileostomate.....I have friends with BCIR if you want to talk to them, and they too are female and maybe they too can help...............I am just an email away to help.......Good luck   Michael
Reply by lillibelle, on Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:31 pm
Hi, Same problem here. My surgeon explained that the vagina lies on top of the rectum and provides cushioning during sex. Once it's gone so is the cushioning. He said use lube and keep trying because it will get better. But who wants to try again with that pain?
Reply by tim1948, on Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:44 pm
LOL u go girl. aint it great?  WE ALL have such *ucked up problems?  We are a group of "One Flew Over The Cucoos Nest"!!!
Reply by vanessavy, on Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:05 pm
I was told I can get dialated but eh I don't know. I have some ok times and others it is torture. I can tell now it is more the rectum causing this. It hurts to sit on my butt for a day or 2 after sex. Yea I guess in cases like this being  a man is better unless you have ED issues like some have after surgery. It isn't a priority to me I have tumors and polyps and a crappy FAP disease I am dealing with but my husband didn't sign up for this even though he swears he could care less about sex he wants me to just be better but please, noboody can mean that! lol

I am hopefully going to see my Urogyno next week. It is just hard to fit her in with all my other procedures, doctors, scans, scopes, etc etc etc. It becomes EXHAUSTING with 10 different doctors I have. I need to move to Fiji and become a cabana girl! I am happy I see so many replies with humor! I love it. I don't get alerts that people reply so sorry I am late to the party!!! I do blog though more than I post here.

I am now 8 month post op, one day it was ok and I thought there was some light but then another time it was back to sqaure one.

I will ask about everything people mention. Thanks!
Reply by Firecracker, on Sat Jan 26, 2013 3:01 pm
Vanessavy, I too have FAP I'm sorry but it's good to hear somebody else that is going through what I'm going through by the time they caught my FAP I was already in stage IV colorectal cancer I have lost my rectum anus my entire colon I had to have liver ablations or burnouts and I had to have a total hysterectomy too.   Also my FAP has advanced i have precancerous polys in my stomach and precancerous cells in my duodenum.  Can you tell me how you deal with having this disease?
My husband and I have been married over 18 years I think 19 I can't remember anymore I have chemo brain and he too tells me that I'm still sexy and that he loves me and sex can wait when I want to do it. but it is me that wants it I was a very sexually driven person and it really really hurts to have sex now, I cannot take Premarin, estrogen or anything hormone based because of the total hysterectomy .... tried the KY stuff it didn't help much. my surgery was May 2 and my last hospital stay was September 1 and it's only been about two weeks since we tried having sex for the first time in  over a year. I miss feeling sexy, I miss the way he kissed every inch of me.  I just feel like a shell of my former self.
Can anyone tell me if sex will get easier? I want to be able to please my hubby as well as be pleased!

I picked firecracker as my username because everyone has always told tell I was one r fireball - just full of life and gusto and really funny and fun to be around.  I want that person back too.
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