Losing my insurance soon

In this discussion
Replies
22
Views
15461
blueeyes52
I'm not sure what to do
My husband is divorcing me because i had to have my colon removed
last year on 3-9-11. I'm so worried i am on his insurance and when the
divorce is final i will lose my insurance i don't know how i would get all
of my supplies wafers,bags,powder "etc
When i order its for 3 months at a time i dont pay nothing im a 100%
coverd

Please
Can anyone give me any ideas!!!!
Thanks
Cindy
Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate

Why Join MeetAnOstoMate?

First off, this is a pretty cool site with 33,093 members. Get inside and you will see.

We're not all about ostomy. Everything is being discussed in the forums.

It's a very special community, embracing all ages and backgrounds. People are honest and truly care.

Privacy is very important - the website has many features that are only visible to members.

Create an account and you will be amazed.

Primeboy

Maybe you should have chosen a more convenient date for your surgery. Seriously, you need a lawyer, preferably a pirahna, to ensure you remain under his medical coverage as part of your settlement. Don't give up the ship in the interests of a friendly, uncontested divorce that ends up leaving you a pauper. Any decent judge should recognize your medical needs as a priority. nbsp; nbsp; PB
Gray Logo for MeetAnOstoMate
DH
Your husband sounds like a jerk. It's unfortunate that you may loose your insurance.But at least you will be rid of that S.O.B.
notexpectingthis
Please pack a used preferably still full bag in the last box he leaves the house with. For all of us!!!! Talk to your ostomy nurse, or if you don't have one, go to the local hospital find one!!!!! She may have donated supplies there that you con use. Also I have seen a few people on here offering to ship things they have left over for free to those who need them. Your life is going to be SO much fuller without this "man".
southerngal
Please take Primeboy's advice. See a lawyer immediately. Many years ago, I married a wife beater (didn't know it at the time). After 3 years and a baby I was desperate to get away. Since I was afraid of him I went against my lawyer's advice and didn't ask for anything. That was a big mistake. I worked 2 jobs and it took me years to become financially stable. I could never make up to my son the time I spent working vs being at home with him.

My situation may seem very different from yours. The bottom line is that you need to turn this problem over to a lawyer and let him represent you.

DH is also right. Your husband sounds like a jerk.
 
Stories of Living Life to the Fullest from Ostomy Advocates I Hollister
Past Member
I have lots of supplies - had the reversal a few months ago. You're welcome to them should you get to that point. I've held onto them to give to someone who doesn't have insurance.

Craigslist and Ebay are godsends in this situation. I'm uninsured and had to have an emergency colostomy out of the blue. I started writing a bunch of stuff about the DIY approach (Didn't cut corners - I'm really squeamish. I think I actually improved upon some stuff!) but I'm not sure if that's the kind of advice you're looking for.
bag_n_drag

Ditto, too.
I also married an abusive guy many years ago and stayed with him for over 20 years......at the 10 year mark I decided that I would devise a plan to leave and it took me 10 more years to actually execute said plan....I had to work and go to school at night to finally become financially stable enough to support myself and my daughter....and even tho I really missed out on some of the time I could have spent with her, I don't regret taking steps to get to the point that I COULD leave and make it on my own!
Don't rationalize his behavior....if he is leaving you solely because you have no colon then he is a jerk-o-potamus and you deserve better!
Btw....I also have lots of extra bags and wafers left from my reversal.....I am also holding on to for someone without insurance.

Darla
natosh
check with convatec , they might help you with supplies, they have me in the past
Immarsh
Hi,
My name is Marsha, and I was going to post to the site, as well as ssend you a personal message.
When my husband and I divorced after 24 1/2 years of marriage, I was in school, and taking care of our two kids who both had IBD One has Ulcerative Colitis the other had Crohns. Once divorced, state laws required that I could not remain on my husbands medical plan, and so had to take out my own. Because I was still in school, I was not employed and so didn't have income or insurance. He Was required to pay for my health insurance for 18 months after the divorce.
You need to have a lawyer put that provision into your divorce agreement, and if possible, even have an account created and dispersed through the court system. In my experiences "agreements" are not worth the paper it's printed on, so unless it's monitored by the court, there's no guarantee that you will get the money for insurance, without having to take your ex husband back to court.
Best of luck to you. You will adjust and be happier on your own, but it takes time. Feel free to write if you have any questions.
Marsha
jenepooh
First off let me just say that I'm really sorry you're having to go through all of this. Looks like you could use some hugs. 3 (hugssssssssssssss)

Secondly, I would definitely lawyer up and get the help needed on your end....

Thirdly, see if the company you order your supplies from will actually let you order more than usual. I know some have a cap on the amount, but hopefully they'll be nice and let you do this. If not, Convatec actually has a way that you can get supplies from them for free, but if you don't want to go through that right now, there is a group of people that I had to get my supplies from years ago when there wasn't insurance to be had at the time. http://www.bestbuyostomy.com is the website. They're really nice and very helpful and very very useful.

I wish you the best in everything and if you need to just talk to someone or to rant/rave, we're here for you, Cindy. You're not going to go through this alone. God Bless!! 3

-Jen-
Pinky
Hi blueeyes - Been there, done that. Make sure as part of your divorce agreement that your spouse has to make the COBRA payments that will keep you on his insurance!

I was able to stay on my ex-spouse's insurance until I qualified for Medicare. He had to pay the entire premium for me every month, which was about $500 back in 2004-2005.

Has he already served you with the divorce papers? If not and you live in a state that allows it I highly recommend mediation rather than going through the divorce court system, especially if children are involved. Considering what an SOB my spouse was in his behavior, when it came to sitting down in front of the mediator he became very reasonable because he didn't want to look like an a**hole in front of her! I got pretty fair compensation, considering. And we made all our own agreements, which the mediator took to the judge and got approved. In my condition then, I never would have been able to go through a court process.

That's only if he's at all a reasonable human being. If not, get an aggressive lawyer to take everything he's got! You are the one the judge will likely sympathize with.
rey21
Another side effect of our shared condition. My wife is not leaving me but she has not accepted my alteration. Hates any mention of it. See me with my pouch on after taking a shower or going to bed, especially when the pouch has stuff in it is hard for her to see. I feel like i'm a freak to her. I'm not upset with her, just sad that she has not accepted it. Sometimes I think leaving would be best for us both. For me, I know my ostomy would not be the only reason she would not be happy with me, it just is one more thing that retard our relationship. All relationships are not perfect and this major physical change is a big one that you can't cover-up.

Besides the possibly of having your health insurance costs up and not being a couple, leaving someone that can't handle the change that has happened may be for the best don't you think?

If your medical condition is truly the only reason your hubby wants out, it may be best put yourself in his shoes, not that I want to defend his position. I've had over two years of experiencing many of my family member really think about my change. But the one that have to live with me are the only ones whose opinion count.

This change as we've seen, affect those around you in different ways and you have discovered, unfortunately, that your hubby is not capable of honoring "in sickness and health'.

Instead of fighting this one out, be realistic and ask him for the support, monetary/materially, need. Tell him that you understand it must be difficult for him after your condition came into play. I would hope that he would have some apathy for you and would agree to not just kick you while your down.

All the best as you move forward,

Ron
Pilgrim
Ron (rey 21) is the only person who appears to understand reason here and says it much more eliquant then I would. For someone to make a statement that their spouse left solely cause of their ostomy and for those who respond to these statements as "He's a Jerk" are really in denial.
Of course get a lawyer involved as it comes to your medical needs after he leaves and also contact www.ostogroup.org for very cheap ostomy supplies.
Kevin
shell
I myself, have been in your situation. I ended up not divorcing my ex, just legally separating. If you do this, you can still be covered on his insurance, if he agrees to do so. I unfortunately "negotiated" giving up his retirement (which I was entitled to), in exchange for the insurance. I feel health insurance is far more important than anything else, considering your situation. And truthfully, he ends up making out in the end. The amount he pays for you to be on his insurance is probably minimal, compared to other things he may be obligated to pay. Try talking to a lawyer or going with a "mediator" -it's alot cheaper. That way, the two of you can work things out amicably, if that is possible.... Good Luck! Shell-
Juuust_James
I understand you worry -I have just a very limited insurance plan that only applies to office?Dr visits -doesnt cover supplies, so I've been stuck for the past 6 yrs paying 50 buck for a box of 5 one-piece pouches, and that lasts me 5 to 6 weeks :p
tweetybird
Hi,

I know that Convatec will provide a once a year 'destitute' allowance for 6 mos. Go on their website and give them a call if you require assistance with your supplies.

Not sure if you use Convatec, but I have an ileostomy and they have assisted me.

Don't get discouraged when you talk to them... The individual you speak to does not have an ileostomy or colostomy.

Stay positive and know that you are loved....

Best
franmcg53
I don't have any insurance either try www.ostogroup.org and I go to Ostomy support meetings and I am able to get free supplies from other members. I'm sure there is a Ostomy support group in your area.

I knew that a guy would dump you for something like that. I don't date (not like I am that young) but I don't even consider it. I get lonely sometimes but I think I will get a cat, they don't care if you have something different about you.
blueeyes52
franmcg53
Thank you so much for the web site. You know i was married 7 yrs
to my husband well still married but you would think after 7 yrs you
loved each other enough that something like this would not matter
but i guess i was wrong.
I do have a small dog she is my baby girl and grand kids that keep
me busy. It has been 1 yr and 2 months since i my surgery.
Have not been on a date either i'm just about ready to give up
on men....

Thanks
;Cindy
Juuust_James
sorry for going "off topic" but after reading the last few replies on Dating I wanted to comment. Ive had my Ostomy for over 15 yrs now, and have been in 3 relationships over that time period -and none of the ladies had a problem with my Pouch -I was the one that did. Then once I saw that they cared about me for whats on the inside -then it no longer was a big issue for me either Ive always told Ladies about it long before we got close enough to start talking about or experienced intimacy, so this way IF they felt uncomfortable about it(hasnt happened yet) -then we could both go our separate ways and things wouldn't be difficult or uncomfortable. My Phylosophy is: If someone couldn't accept me for my Ostomy -then I deserve better!
franmcg53
Hi Juuust_Jim:

I have to apologize up front because I am going to sound sexist; but women are usually not as judgmental examples: I remember back in the 70s and there would be men sitting at the workplace cafeteria and rate or comment on all the women that came into the cafeteria. Mostly women don't do that. I remember in the 90s and I was working at a place and we women decided to have a lady's luncheon and a lot of the men were upset about this and we could not figure out why; then my boss at the time said that that it was because we were going to talk about the men. Farthest thing from my mind and from those I talked to.
I have found men to always be extremely critical, my Dad is kind of senile and he is still like that, most of the men I have dated: critical, the examples I listed above. I would love to believe that a man could be open enough to embrace a woman who has a bag, but the past has showed me that most men just don't have it in them.

This is a rhetorical question But would you date someone with an ostomy? Have you talked to your male friends about it? Maybe because you have an ostomy you would be more open to the experience but your friends?

Sorry but that has been my experience
Juuust_James
Well Honestly -I dont have have any male friends now -and have had very few in the past. I am very old fashioned with my morals and values -especially when it comes to speaking about and treating women with respect and an equal. I refused to go to Bar to drink and especially go to strip joints like a lot of Guys I was friends with in my youth. You are right though in how a vast majority of Men "rate" women openly in public but i dont see a whole lot of difference in that and the way millions of Women lust over those fake Vampires in those Twilight Movies? When I used to be on Facebook, i had Dozens of female friends that drooled over those Guys openly and repeatedly in their comments -and their fictional characters
blueeyes52
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and ideas. I have not lived with the SOB for over a year and 3 months and i still have his med inc. See i use to live in Des monies Iowa with the sob and my med inc was paid 100% But see i moved with my son and his family cuz my daughter in law got promoted in council bluffs. I did not have anywhere to go after coming home from the hospital so had to move with them to Omaha Nebraska and now I'm out of net work for my med inc.

Thanks everyone again

;Cindy
tweetybird
Convatec will provide a once a year indigent supply which is pretty much and you can get a lot of supplies 800.422.8811... Also, find out where there is a wound care specialist in your area - usually at a hospital and go in to see them for fitting, advice and recommendations... That help me out a lot. All the best... Tweety Bird
All times are GMT - 5 Hours