So low, can't believe what's happening

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markymarc1979
I'm posting from a mental health ward, last week the pain in my abdomen was so bad I could hardly stand I felt so desperate. I'm due to have a resection and hernia repair in a few weeks. Anyway I decided that I had enough I swallowed half a bottle of oramorph and somehow ended up in accident and emergency. I don't remember anything after taking the oramorph, but i'm told I was stabbing myself in the abdomen with a pen and trying to bite my stoma.

Since then I had to talk to a psychiatrist who has sectioned me to a mental ward where I am now. I admitted to them that over the past few months I have struggled badly with my stoma and crohns. I seem to lose days where I don't know what's happened. I donated 250 to the crohns society 2 weeks ago and don't remember it. I was told when I arrived at accident and emergency last week I insisted that the taxi driver take my wallet and all my money.

I get so confused sometimes that I don't know where I am and I panic. They have taken my belt and anything else I might harm myself with away. I'm not even supposed to have my phone where I am posting from.

Please tell me i'm not the only one to lose it with stoma/crohns problems.
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Past Member
You are not alone.

other ostomy sites you might find useful
ostomy.org
ostomyland.org

crohns/IBD sites you might find useful
crohnsforum.com
ibdsucks.org
crohns-sanity.org

speedy recovery. unless you say something different when it's a mental health ward?
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Caledonia
So sorry for what you're going through. i totally empathize and think i understand a little.

Please seek help for your struggles. You're not alone in your anguish, I'm going through similiar.

Counselling will help i promise, ask your GP about being referred ASAP.

7 months in for me. Stoma is a nightmare, i hate it and go through bouts of self loathing. I also have severe PTSD due to being rushed into A E with a huge abscess and a hole in my bowel. They nearly lost me.

I too have thought about ending it all. My relationship failed, i pushed her away, i have isolated myself from my family....BUT I am going to see this damned thing through! it will not beat me. Tell yourself this, you are a unique person who has had a shitty deal at the mo...it won't always be this way, i promise. Look within yourself for the strength you need...the rewards will be huge mentally if you can overcome this.

Outof suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massivecharacters are seared with scars.

I wish you strength and luck my friend, hang in there and focus on brighter days.
Bill
Hello Markymark.

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. However, the mental health wards are there to act as a 'place of safety' whilst you get your mental health back to where it should be.  You are by no means alone in the symptoms you describe. These sort of severe mental health symptoms can be brought on by something as simple as a urinary infection, so given your medical condition, it is not at all surprising that you have succumbed to these types of problems. The good news is that these types of mental health problems have probably got the best prognosis for recovery. Try to relax and talk to your psychiatrist about getting some help from a psychologist/counsellor. You are in fact in the best place to access this type of service relatively quickly.  If you leave it until you are discharged it could take forever to get that sort of input.

I hope you get better soon. Best wishes.  Bill.
ebm629
Hi markymark,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time right now and I understand what you are going through. I've had my colostomy since February and am still having a hard time dealing with it. My husband had left me just 2 months prior to my cancer diagnosis, so it was a really dark and difficult time for me. What has helped me tremedously is counseling. I found a terrific therapist who has helped me work through all my issues and put me on the right track. I think Iam finally starting to put my life back together again. The best advice I can offer is what others have already stated - start therapy sessions with a good counselor and you will be amazed. And please remember that you can always reach out to your fellow ostomates - we are all here for each other. I wish you the best of luck on your journey to good health. Eileen
 
How to Manage Emotions with LeeAnne Hayden | Hollister
Pinky
Hi MarkyMarc - Along with everyone else here, I particularly "get" how difficult this life is, especially when a person doesn't feel so great to begin with, then has to cope with the "illness care" system, finally emerging with a portion of the body no one usually sees (and no one in their riught mind wants to look at) sticking out of one's belly and producing the worst of all human waste products (this is debatable - after working in the hospital, I believe the worst are the secretions a poor respiratory therapist has to suction up out of someone's lungs...eww!)

If you get decent treatment, and the right medication there is certainly hope that you can enjoy life once again. I personally take several psychotropic medications (some even before my rectal cancer diagnosis) and will do well for a while, then hit a wall and need to have the meds re-evaluated. But one thing I do is ALWAYS reach out in my pain, whether that is with my psychiatrist, psychotherapist, support group, church group, or just my friends!

You are much younger and I was blessed to have had my carreer, married and had children, then had my life destroyed at age 45. There are many days I question whether life is worth living and wonder how to go about looking for another life partner after 24 years with my previous one. I hope you get out of the psych ward ASAP because you don't need to be among the "chronics" - you need a group of supportive, doing-OK people who can help you look for the silver lining in this massive gray cloud over you.

I don't know if you have religious faith (I don't really) but there is a reason you survived your OD and if you can figure that out you can move forward. Don't expect miraculous insight and to go right back to your life unscathed - this is called DENIAL! But you have made a good (and courageous) start by reaching out to the folks here. I feel honored!
Lobster
As others have said, many of us have been down. To be honest for me, three tumours, advanced bowel cancer, chemo, radio and a bag for life was a ###king walk in the park compared with depression.

However, a good counsellor can really help and I mean really help

When I went for my initial assessment after 20 mins or so of Q A the woman said 'who would you like to see; a trainee, a qualified (something) or a psychotherapist?'

I said I didn't want a trainee, what would you recommend?

Quick as a flash she said 'psychotherapist'.

I thought 'oh right, things are quite bad then!'

Realisation was the first big step in returning to be the dopey ass git I am
notexpectingthis
Marc-

You are not alone. Most of us have been where you are. This thing blows through your mind like a wrecking ball. Don't quit!!!!!! You are too close to that resection!!!! I have had days that I literally just sat in the recliner begged my brain to stop racing about. Those thoughts the pain will sabotage you if you let them.

I had no one but the people on this site when I couldn't even bring myself to walk outside - nobody else could possibly understand what another ostomate does. Sometimes just reading the posts of others comforted me - those posts are black whote proof that you are not alone.

I am thankful that you did not succeed in taking your life. I can only imagine how many people you will be able to help along their way when you have healed!!!! Other folks are going to need you man. HANG IN THERE FIGHT!!!!!!

Melissa
three

Hi Marc ~ here's a story about one person dealing with loss. What she lost is different from what you lost and what I lost; however, the dynamics of loss are — in many ways — similar for all of us:

firedup
Wow! A very powerful and moving story. Thank you three, for sharing this video....Gail
Monsieur Le President
Hey Marky,
I was 28 when I had my ileostomy, but fortunately was able to deal with it.
I'm now almost 67 still enjoying working for a construction company. We carry out work up down the country, so I get down to the London area fairly frequently.
When you feel up to it, just post your company name on here I'll make contact perhaps go for a beer.
Im too tight to sign up for the messaging thing.
Just may help you to talk to someone who knows about walking around with a secret lurking in his pants.
christiesdad
Marc,
My man, I know what you are talking about.................my experience was the e.r. person's stabbed my colon 8 times causing my colostomy, got peritonitis and began hallucinating that they were trying to kill me. In my dreams my own family came to visit me and told me that it was all for the better if they did. on top of that I spent, (in my nightmares) three months thinking that I was sitting on a shelf and could not get down and no one would help me. My wife finally kidnapped me from the hospital and brought me home where I spent another month hallucinating about where I was. To this day I still have night mares about that experience. I don't think that I will ever get completely over it.

Man I sympathise with you!
LadyHope

Hi Marky, I know that this post is several years old but was wondering how you are doing and feeling after your surgery? ;I hope that you are well and feeling much better. I understand the decline as I was there in 2012/13 as well. I also had surgery around the same time you were scheduled for it. Take care and post back if you happen to check in. Sincerely, LH

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