I am feeling sorry for myself today but I can only allow myself a few minutes to wallow as I have 2 young kids depending on me and cannot afford to melt down. Usually we do great but husbands intestinal blockages and hospital trips really trigger an onrush of sorrow and anxiety.
-I am tired of dealing with husband's colostomy, intestinal blockages, trips to the hospital today.
I know we are so much better off than so many people simply to be functional and alive but still.
-Tired of the constant insecurity and unpredictability
-Tired of the little surprises and always having it at the back of your mind
-Sick of late night anxiety attacks
-Tired of worrying about all the sick days being taken and if this will affect having a job and being able to provide for our family
-Tired of being scared of getting close to people because they just don't understand what we deal with on a regular basis.
-Tired of physical limitations
-Tired of being consumed with guilt and worried about how this is all going to affect my kids one day and what kind of issues they will get from having a daddy that is often and suddenly sick resulting in cancelled plans
-Tired of having cancer hanging over our heads
-Tired of people being tactful and never asking
-Tired of people telling me about how fortunate we are to have survived
-Tired of secrets
sigh. ok. I feel better now. Back to work.